country. The remainder of the day was just a blur of heat, and I nodded off and drank water and stared out the window at the same thing over and over—dirt and chaparral and cactus. I complained about drinking only water. I needed something else, some kind of juice. He gave me a hooked-eyebrow glance and took a showy swig of the water.
Mmm, he said, smacking his lips. Water-juice. It’s fantastic.
He handed me the bottle.
Water-juice? I protested.
Try it, he said, as if this were a brilliant idea worth celebrating.
I took a sip.
Mmm water-juice, I said.
At around sunset the road wound back down to the sea and we spent the night in a hotel near crashing waves. The heat kept me stirring all night and I tried to pretend I was in the cold so that I could sleep. I kept thinking about the trip we took to Alta, Utah, during Easter break.
My dad was brushing his teeth in front of the bathroom mirror at the Little America Hotel in Salt Lake City. I saw his dick hanging in the mirror. His ass was whiter than his legs and the muscles up his spine made a deep groove to his shoulders.
The shower shut off and Sandra stepped out in a waft of mist. Like a ghost I saw her reach for a towel and wrap it around her chest. It hung over her sex and her legs looked really skinny—chicken legs, my dad would tease. She moved out of the mist and saw me watching from the bed and the skin around her eyes twisted. I wondered if she knew that I had watched her straddle my dad last night, across the room on the other bed, her face cringing with pain but her sighs full of joy.
Norm, she said, addressing my dad. Can’t you put some clothes on?
You’re one to talk, he said with a smile.
It’s like a barn around here, she said.
My dad laughed and Sandra closed the toilet room door behind her. My dad walked to the window and slid the curtain all the way open.
There’s at least a foot of snow on top of the Porsche, he said.
A blast of wind peppered the glass and he turned his head and shot me a look full of hunger.
Sandra emerged from the toilet wearing long johns. When she saw the blizzard outside she stopped.
You must be kidding me, she said.
My dad crossed the room and his eyes were glazed, lost in some powder-feast. He collected my ski clothes and brought them to me.
Let’s go, Boy Wonder.
What’s the rush, Norm? said Sandra. Look at it.
Exactly. Look at it. It’s a dream come true.
As we rode up the first chairlift and snow pecked at my face I wondered how come Sandra got to sit in the Alta Lodge and sip cognac.
At the top of the lift Dad and I tucked and skated to fight through the driving wind.
Stay in my tracks to the next chair, he said.
The second chairlift was also empty and the lifty hardly acknowledged us. Blown by the wind, our chair clanged against the first tower. Lightning flashed and cut open the clouds and I huddled next to my dad. He nestled his armpit around the back of my neck.
They’re going to shut it down, he said. We’re lucky we made it on the chair.
Lucky?
Thunder clapped and he didn’t respond and I wasn’t going to twist from under his wing to see his face.
We slid off the chair at the top of the mountain. I waited with my back against the wind while my dad scouted out the area. He hiked up the ski patrol trail to a ridge.
He looked like a bare spruce tree leaning over the far side of the ridge and I waited for his signal. I heard a whistle. It could be the wind. Then I saw an arm wave.
I hiked up to him. When I looked over the ridge a gust swept dry powder off the long white humps of snow like a swarm of diamonds. A silver cloud tumbled out of the sky and unraveled into tendrils like a ballroom of dancing ghosts.
I can’t see shit, I said.
We got to find the trees.
Where are they?
Down there somewhere.
I’m cold.
He rubbed his gloved hand up and down my back.
Go for it, Boy Wonder. Test the snow.
I think we should go back down the regular run, I said.
He shook his head.
As I dropped over the ridge a rising tide of snow reached over my knees and my thighs plowed the sea of white crystals. They blew off my chest and glimmered in a halo around me. The crystals and I moved as one. The clouds and the wind sheared off and nothing seemed to exist outside my crystal ball. I lifted my knees and popped into the air. I came down and the crystals spread away beneath my skis. I steered and there was no resistance, no fluctuation, just one fluid stream of powder. This is what he dreamed about and made him so excited, this powdery nothingness.
I banked like a seagull riding a current of wind and there was nothing more to life than this blind freefall.
I heard my dad yell and felt him glide in beside me—now we were inside one big halo. His sheepskin jacket was all I saw.
Whoosh. The halo shrank and he was gone, shooting down the slope. I was alone again in the weightless cascade.
Trees stood in a row. They reflected light onto the snow under the limbs. No tracks anywhere. Deeper in the woods the snowflakes fell straight down because the forest kept the wind out. I held my turn until I saw an opening where I could enter the woods. I banked and sailed through. The halo sucked away behind me. It was brighter and the snow piled up around the tree trunks and I weaved around them as though they were race poles. The trunk pillows burst apart and the feathers wisped my face. I loved the feeling and I hunted down the biggest pillows I could find. I wanted to show my dad.
Then everything dropped out beneath me. I flipped over. I was upside down. But not falling anymore. Snow poured into my parka from the waist and out the neck and into my hair. When it stopped I saw a tree trunk not more than two feet from my face. Looking downward I saw frozen earth and roots. Upward I saw my skis parallel with the tree’s limbs above them. My ski tips were wedged against the tree trunk on a lip of bark. My tails rested on the outer rim of the tree well in which I hung upside-down.
I reached upward for my skis. The bark cracked. Too fragile. I pinned my chin to my chest and yelled.
Dad. Dad!
It was quiet. What if my dad can’t find me? He’ll have to go down and back around. But he might think I’ve quit already and go to the lodge. Snow will cover my tracks if he doesn’t come soon. He’ll never find me. I’ll freeze to death.
Dad! Dad!
My feet were cold and the blood drained into my head and it got heavy. I unzipped my pants and pulled out my dick. With my teeth I pulled off one glove then cupped my hand around my dick. It was warm. Having something to hold, something so entirely mine, settled me down, and I forgot about freezing to death.
I must have put my penis back inside my pants because when I felt a tug on my ski I was not holding it anymore.
Boy Ollestad! said my dad.
Tears and coughing.
It’s okay, he said. I’m here.
He crashed into the tree well and my skis broke from their perch and we both fell onto the frozen ground. My
