“For loving me?” he asked.
She studied him hard. “I’m coming clean here, Ethan. I’m admitting my failings, how I’ve screwed up. I should have found a different way to help my father, or allowed him to find a way out himself. I know that all I’ve ever done is try to keep the peace, take care of everyone else but myself. Then I used it as an excuse to stay away from relationships with people.” She looked heavenward. “But no more. I’m done with that. I have a child on the way, and I’m going to teach her by example to run headfirst into life and embrace it, and that the world’s problems are not hers to solve.” She looked at Ethan. “What are you going to teach her?”
Mary had hoped that her words, her own admission of past failures would jar him, make him see what a fool he’d been and how releasing the past was his only way to have a real future. But he wasn’t ready for that, and she had to accept the fact that maybe he never would be.
“I have plenty to teach,” he said proudly.
“The art of the deal?”
“There’s nothing wrong with being ruthless in business matters-”
“Business matters?” She shook her head, disappointed. “You still don’t understand what happened with us-or take any responsibility for it, do you?”
“If we’re talking about the bargain-”
“Of course we are.”
His chin set, his eyes blazing blue fire, he said, “I did what I had to do.”
Mary laughed bitterly as she opened her car door and climbed in. “You know, with how brilliant you are, I’d have thought that by now you’d have come up with a far more creative answer. That one’s getting a little tired, and frankly so am I,” she said before closing the door in his face.
Ethan Curtis wasn’t a big drinker, never packed up his troubles and headed to the nearest bar. Instead he preferred to solve his problems in a clear and rational way. Even in personal matters, this method worked well for him. Today, however, clear and rational just didn’t exist.
He drove through the stone gates of the Days of Grace Trailer Park and past the office to the mobile home he couldn’t seem to stay away from. The one-bedroom home seemed to stare back at him, wondering why he kept returning to a place that held such bad memories.
Ethan reclined his seat and shut his eyes, remembering the sound of his father cracking open another beer from his second six-pack, hearing the squeak of springs as the old man dropped down on the ratty couch before hurling beer caps at Ethan, along with a few choice words about how Ethan was the real reason his mother had left them.
Why the hell did he keep coming back here? Did he like torture? Did he feel he deserved it?
A loud knock on the window had Ethan awake and alert in seconds and he stared out the side window at the man who now owned the trailer. Still a little foggy with memory, Ethan pressed the button to his left, and the window dropped slowly.
The man had no baseball cap on this time and looked like a badass with his bald head, Iron Maiden T-shirt and sinister expression, but when he spoke there was no anger in his tone, only interest. “Is there a reason you like to park in front of my place or are you just a freak?”
“I used to live here.”
The man’s brows shot up. “Did you now?”
“With my mother and father-well, actually just my father.”
“Yeah, I know about that.” The man scratched his neck, said thoughtfully, “I got a boy myself. Teenager. Crazy at that age, but he’s real smart. All As, every subject. Maybe he’ll go to a good college and get a fancy car like yours.”
“Maybe.”
“That’s why I moved here,” the guy confessed. “For him, so he could go to the best public school in the city.”
Ethan stared at the guy. He didn’t have much, and he seemed to know the curse of a woman walking out on him or maybe never being around in the first place, and yet his biggest concern was his kid’s future. Ethan hadn’t had that kind of love and commitment from his own father, but he sure as hell wanted to be that kind of dad.
What the hell was he doing? Coming here, feeling sorry for himself when he had made a life that he should feel damn proud of. Mary had been right. He’d been lying to himself all along. The shame he felt for where he came from wasn’t about the trailer-that was an easy excuse, and an easy place to throw the blame when he just didn’t want to deal with the past. His shame came from a father who’d had no pride in himself and had blamed everyone else for his lot in life.
Kind of like Ethan.
He didn’t need blue blood to feel worthy, and he didn’t need to be accepted by those people to feel real success. His real success was growing inside of Mary right now.
Ethan eyed the guy outside his window as he gave a quick wave to what was probably his teenage son on the porch. He’d never known the kind of love this man had for his kid, had no idea what it felt like, so to get it he’d forced a woman to create a child with him by threatening the one thing she loved.
“What a damn fool,” he muttered.
“What was that?” the man asked, turning back.
“Just talking about myself, brother.” Ethan took out his wallet. “Here.” He handed the man a business card. “When your boy starts college, have him contact me.”
The man read the card, then looked up impressed. “CEO?”
“Wouldn’t have minded a leg up in the beginning,” Ethan said. “We always have internships available.”
“Appreciate it.” The man pocketed the card, then gestured to the trailer. “You want to come in? We’re just about to throw some steaks on the barbecue.”
“Thanks.” Ethan smiled. “But I think it’s time I got out of here.”
“Back where you belong?”
“That’s right.” He was only thinking about Mary and the baby when he said it.
Ethan drove away from the trailer park, knowing it was the last time he’d ever be back, realizing that if he wanted any future with the woman he loved and the child growing inside her, he had to leave the past where it was and look ahead to the future.
Thirteen
“I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandpa.”
Mary sat on the picnic blanket her father had laid out in the backyard beside the vegetable garden, a garden that was now going crazy with bushes of fragrant basil, vines of squash and pumpkin and rows of ripe cherry tomatoes.
“Well, it’s true,” she told him, taking a bite of her corned-beef sandwich.
He plunked down beside her, looking stronger than she’d seen him look in a year. His color was good, too, and when he spoke, his tone contained that rich, happy sound she remembered from her childhood. “Your mother would be so proud. I wish she could see…”
“I know. But she will, in her own way.”
“I like that.” He winked at her, then handed her a cookie. “I made these myself, chocolate chip.”
She took a bite and sighed. “They’re great. In fact, all of this food is wonderful. I may have to hire you to cater for the company.”
He chuckled. “Sounds good. But let’s wait until after I open my restaurant.”
“You’re opening a restaurant?”
“More like a roadside place. Sell my vegetables and offer some small meals, homemade ice cream, the cookies…” He grinned. “Who knows, it’s still in the planning stages.”
“Good for you.”
He nodded, then shifting topics. “So, what are your plans? Are you going to stay in your apartment after the baby is born? It’s pretty small.”
