the air. We sat in the stern, watching the sunset spread pinks and mauves and reds across the enormous sky, staining hierarchies of cumulus that passed to the south. The lights of Stung Treng, white and yellow, beaded the dusky shore. I heard strains of music, the revving of an engine. Deng brought plates of fish and a kind of ratatouille, and we ate and talked about the French in Southeast Asia, about America’s benighted president (“A grocer’s clerk run amok,” Lucy said of him), about writing and idiot urban planners and Borneo, where she had recently been. She had an edge to her personality, this perhaps due to working with wealthy and eccentric clients, rock stars and actors and such; yet there was a softness underlying that edge, a genteel quality I responded to, possibly because it reminded me of Kim …though this quality in Lucy seemed less a product of repression.
Deng took our plates, and Lucy asked if I had anyone back in the States, a wife or girlfriend. I told her about Kim and said she might meet me in Saigon.
“I suppose that’s where I would leave you,” she said. “Assuming you deem me suitable.” Her mouth thinned. “I probably shouldn’t put this out there, because whenever I show enthusiasm, you become reticent. But this is so wonderful.” Lucy’s gesture embraced the world as seen from the deck of the
I saw no reason to delay—the prospect of spending another day at the Sekong was not an engaging one. “Welcome aboard,” I said.
“Oh, gosh!” She pushed up from the chair and gave me a peck on the lips. “That’s marvelous. Thanks so much.”
We went inside, and I showed her the shower, the galley, and the king-size bed; then I left her to wash up and stood looking out over the river, listening to the loopy cries of lizards, alerted now and again by the plop of a fish. Night had swallowed all but the lights on the shore, and I could no longer make out Lan in the bow. Deng sat on the roof, legs dangling, reading a comic by lantern light. I felt on the brink of something ineluctable and strange, and I suspected it had to do more with Lucy than with the voyage. Kim’s caution notwithstanding, I anticipated losing a piece of my soul to this forthright, tomboyish, opium woman. When I went back down, I found her on the bed, her legs stretched out, toweling her hair, wearing only a pair of panties. It looked as if two-thirds of her length were in her legs. Bikini lines demarked her small, pale breasts. A brass box of some antiquity rested on the sheets beside her.
She came out from beneath the towel and caught me staring. “I know,” she said. “I’m revoltingly thin. I look better when I’ve put on five or six pounds, but I can’t keep weight on when I’m traveling.”
“You know that’s bullshit,” I said. “You look great. Beautiful.”
“I’m scarcely beautiful, but I do have good legs. At least so I’ve been told.” She stared at her legs, pursed her lips as if reappraising them; then she said, “I came all the way from Vientiane today, and I’m exhausted. So if you don’t mind, I’ll indulge my filthy habit earlier than usual this evening.” She patted the box. “It’s awfully bright in here. Can something be done?”
I joined her on the bed, switched on a reading lamp, and cut the overheads.
“Much better,” she said.
She opened the box, removed a long pipe of wood and brass, and unwrapped yellowish paper from a pressed cake of black opium.
“I’ll be completely useless once I’ve smoked,” she said. “However, you may touch me if you like. I enjoy being touched when I’m high.”
I asked if she would be aware of what was going on. “Mmm-hmm. I may act as though I’m not, but I know.”
“Where do you like to be touched?”
“Wherever you wish. My breasts, my ass.” She glanced up from her preparations. “My pussy. Go lightly there, if you will. Too much stimulation confuses things in here.” She tapped her temple.
She pinched off a fragment of opium and began rolling it into a pellet, frowning in concentration; her hands and wrists were fully illuminated, but the rest of her body was sheathed in dimness; she might have been a trim young witch up to no good purpose, drenched in the shadow cast by her spell, preparing a special poison that required a measure of light for efficacy. She plumped the pillows, making a nest, and lay on her side.
“Kiss, please,” she said.
Her lips parted and her tongue flirted with mine. She settled into the pillows and lit the pipe, her cheeks hollowing as she sucked in smoke. She relit the pipe three times, and after the last time, she could barely hold it. After watching her drowse a minute, I stripped off my clothes and lay facing her, caressing her hip, tasting the chewy plug of a nipple. Her eyes were slitted, and I couldn’t tell if she was focusing on me, yet when my erection prodded her thigh, she made an approving noise. I slipped a hand under her panties, rested the heel of it on her pubic bone, thatched with dark hair, and let the weight of one finger come down onto her labia. The intimacy of the touch seemed to distress her, so I reluctantly withdrew the finger, but I continued to touch her intimately. Holding her that way became torture.
“Lucy?” I whispered.
She didn’t appear to be at home. Her breathing was shallow; a faint sheen of sweat polished her brow. I had no choice but to relieve the torment as best I could.
I hadn’t thought that I could take such pleasure from fondling a nearly comatose woman. The thought that she was submitting to me had been exciting. I had walled off such practices from my sexual life, yet I now found myself imagining variations on the act, and I believed that Lucy would be a willing partner to my fantasies. The woman I’d met in the bar had, over the course of a few hours, been transformed into a practicing submissive. I had known other women to exhibit a manner markedly different from that they later presented, women who, upon feeling secure in the situation, had changed as abruptly as Lucy. But Cradle Two’s rice-paper model was in my head, people shunting back and forth between universes without realizing it, and I thought if I could see those women now, I would view their sudden transformation in a new light, and I speculated that this Lucy might not be the same who had climbed into the dinghy with me. One way or another, I had presumed her to be a normal, bright woman who had survived a shattering blow, but it was evident that she had picked up a kink or two along the road to recovery.
In the morning I woke to a drowned gray light, the cabin windows spotted with rain. Lucy was sitting up in bed, inspecting her stomach.
“I’m all sticky,” she said, and gave me a sly smile. “You were wicked, weren’t you?”
“Don’t you remember?”
She gave the matter some study, screwing up her face, as might a child, into a mask of exaggerated perplexity. “It’s a little hazy. I definitely remember you touching me.” She scooted down beneath the sheets, snuggling close. “It made for a decent icebreaker, don’t you think? There’ll be less reason for nerves when we make love.”
“Now you mention it, I doubt there’ll be any.” I clasped my hands behind my neck. “Last night was surprising to me.”
“A sophisticate like you? I wouldn’t have believed it possible to surprise you.”
I caught her by the hair and pulled her head away from my chest, irritated by the remark. Judging by her calm face, she didn’t mind the rough treatment, and I tightened my grip.
“I wasn’t mocking you,” she said. “I’m your admirer. Honest. Cross my heart and spit on the pope.”
I released her, astonished by the behavior she had brought out in me. She flung a leg across my waist, rubbing against me, letting me feel the heated damp of her.
“Would you care to see another of my tricks?” she asked.
“What do you have?”
“Oh, I’ve got scads.” She folded her arms on my chest, rested her chin upon them, and gazed at me soberly. “You’d be surprised, I mean really, really …
Travel has always served to inspire me, as it has many writers, as it apparently did my alter ego; yet the farther we proceeded down the Mekong, the more I came to realize that there was a blighted sameness to the world and its various cultures. Strip away their trappings and you found that every tribe was moved by the same passions, and this was true not only in the present but also, I suspected, in ages past. Erase from your mind the images of the kings and exotic courtesans and maniacal monks that people the legends of Southeast Asia, and look to a patch of ground away from the temples and palaces of Angkor Wat—there you will find the average planetary citizen, a child eating the Khmer equivalent of a Happy Meal and longing for the invention of television.
