destroying me for good.
This afternoon I saw Valerio. He asked me to meet him at Bar Epoca. I rushed to get there, thinking it would be an opportunity to find out what I really wanted. When I arrived, I slammed on the brakes and left skid marks on the asphalt, drawing everyone's attention. Valerio was sitting at a table by himself, watching me, smiling and shaking his head at my every movement. I tried to appear nonchalant, walking slowly and assuming a serious expression.
I headed toward his table, swaying my hips, and when I got close to him, he told me, 'Lo, didn't you see how everyone looked at you as you walked over?'
I shook my head no.
'I rarely pay attention to the looks.'
A man came up behind Valerio. He had a mysterious, somewhat crusty air. He introduced himself to me, saying his name was Flavio. I scrutinized him carefully, but he cut off my investigation by remarking, 'Your girl's eyes are too beautiful and too sly for someone her age.'
I didn't let Valerio respond. 'You're right, Flavio. So, are we going to be a threesome or will others join us?' I cut to the chase, Diary. I can't bother with smiles and pleasantries when there's only one item on the agenda.
Slightly embarrassed, Flavio looked at Valerio and said, 'She's skittish, but you should listen to what she says.'
'Look, Melissa,' Flavio continued, 'Valerio and I intended to include you in a particular kind of soiree. He told me about you. I was a bit taken aback by your age, but after seeing what you're like… well, I've given in, and I'm curious to see you in action.'
I said simply, 'How old are you, Flavio?'
He said he was thirty-five. I nodded. I thought he might have been older, but I believed him.
'When is this particular soiree?' I asked.
'Next Saturday, at 10 p.m., in a villa by the sea. I'll come to fetch you… with Valerio, of course, and-'
'If I should agree,' I interrupted him.
'Certainly, if you should agree.'
A few seconds of silence. Then I asked, 'Do I have to wear something special?'
'It's best if your age isn't too noticeable,' answered Flavio. 'Everyone thinks you're eighteen.'
'Everyone? How many are there?' I asked, turning toward Valerio.
'We don't know the exact number. Five couples for sure. Other people may show up, but at this point we can't say.'
I decided to participate. I feel sorry for Claudio, but I'm not certain someone like me is capable of loving him. And I don't believe I can make him happy.
15 June 2002
No, I'm not the girl who can make him happy. I don't deserve him. My phone keeps ringing with his calls and messages. And here I am, dropping him. I'm not answering, I'm ignoring him altogether. He'll get fed up and look for happiness elsewhere. So why this fear?
In silence, amid sporadic chitchat, we headed for the place that had been arranged for the gathering. It was a villa outside of the city, on a part of the coast where the rocks break up and turn into sand. The place was deserted, the house set back from the road. We entered through a tall iron gate. I counted the parked cars: there were six of them.
'We've arrived, sweetheart.' Flavio really rubs me the wrong way with these terms of endearment. Who the hell does he think he is? How can he allow himself to call me sweetheart, darling, little one? I'll strangle him!
The door was opened by a forty-something woman, attractive and perfumed. She looked me up and down and gave an approving glance to Flavio, who smiled faintly. We walked down a long hallway whose walls were hung with large abstract paintings. When we reached the living room, I felt deeply embarrassed: ten pairs of eyes suddenly fastened on me. Most of them belonged to distinguished-looking men who sported ties. Someone was wearing a mask that covered his face, but the others were barefaced. A few women drew near and asked me questions to which I responded with a series of lies rehearsed beforehand with Valerio. The Prof came to my side and whispered, 'I can't wait tobegin. I want to lick you, stay inside you all night, and then watch while you do it with the others.'
I immediately thought of Claudio's smile: he would never desire to see me in bed with someone else.
Flavio brought me a glass of cream liqueur. It brought to mind that night last December. I went to the piano to think about how I got rid of Roberto a few days ago. I threatened to tell his girlfriend everything if he didn't stop calling me and didn't tell his friends to keep their mouths shut about me. It worked: I haven't heard a peep out of him!
At a certain point, a man about thirty came toward me, walking with such a light step he seemed to be flying. He wore a pair of round glasses. His huge eyes were blue-green, his face pockmarked but handsome.
He scrutinized me carefully, then said, 'Ciao. You're the one I've heard so much about?'
I gave him a questioning look and replied, 'It depends on whom you have in mind. What exactly have you heard?'
'Well, we know you're very young, even if I personally don't believe you're eighteen yet. And not because you don't look it, but because I feel it. Anyhow, they told me you've participated in soirees like this on many occasions, although only with men.'
I blushed and wanted to sink. 'Who told you this?'
'Bah, what does it matter? People talk… You're a pretty little slut, aren't you?' He smiled.
I tried to stay calm and play the game without ruining everything.
'I've never been into planned encounters. I agreed to do it because I wanted to.'
He stared at me, knowing full well that I was lying. Still, he went along with it. 'There are always plans of one sort or another. Some people have plans that are linear and orderly, while others prefer a more rococo caprice.'
'And then there's mine: a bit of both,' I said, fascinated by his response.
Valerio approached and told me to join him on the sofa.
I nodded to the man, although I didn't say goodbye since I was almost certain that during the soiree we would wind up penetrating each other.
Sitting on the sofa were a muscular young man and two vulgar women wearing heavy makeup, garish and provocative. One had platinum blond hair.
The Prof and I sat in the center of this huge sofa. With one hand he began to caress my breast beneath my pullover, immediately dragging me through shame and embarrassment.
'Come on, Valerio, do we really have to be the ones to start?'
'Why not? Don't you like it?' he asked, biting my earlobe.
'I was thinking just the opposite,' the muscular one brashly remarked. 'She has desire written all over her face.'
'Desire for what?' I said defiantly.
He didn't respond. Instead he shot a hand beneath my skirt and worked it between my thighs, kissing me furiously. I was beginning to let myself go, but his silly violence was dragging me away again. I lifted my buttocks a bit to kiss him, and the Prof took advantage of this move. He caressed my ass with slow, gentle gestures that gradually turned hot and determined. The people around me no longer existed, even if they were there, watching me, waiting for one of the two men to penetrate me. While Muscles was kissing me, one of the women snaked her arms around his chest and kissed his neck. Then Valerio lifted my skirt: everyone was admiring my ass and my sex, flaunted on a strange sofa among strangers. My back was arched, and I was offering myself completely to him while Muscles was grabbing my tits and squeezing them hard.
'Mmmm, you're as fragrant as a young peach,' said a man who had come up to nuzzle me, 'soft and smooth, just washed, fresh.'
The young peach will ripen, whereupon it will lose first its color, then its taste, and then its skin will soften and sag. Finally, it will rot, and worms will suck out the pulp.
