show up, ever.”
“I get it,” he said. He began dressing, then picked up the canvas bag. “Sure you don’t want more money?”
“That’s sweet, Jeff. But I’m sure you noticed I’m a chick. I hardly ever have to pay for things except clothes and gas. I sometimes do, but I don’t have to. And this is what you do for a living. You were just nice enough to let me come along.”
He tied his shoes and walked up the hall to the living room with Carrie following. When he reached the front door, he turned. “Good night, Carrie.”
“Don’t forget to call me.” She smiled.
“I won’t.” He went down the steps and along the driveway to the garage, where he had hidden the Trans Am. The door opened in front of him, and he looked back and saw her face at the window. He started the Trans Am, let it coast down the driveway, and turned it down the steep incline toward the flatland. He turned twice before he switched on his headlights, and coasted the rest of the way down the hill onto Vineland. He made it across Ventura Boulevard on a green light, then accelerated along Vineland toward Lila’s apartment.
It took only eighteen minutes before Jeff pulled up at the apartment building and glided into the extra carport at the back. He was tempted to put the canvas bag under the seat or in the trunk of the car, but he thought better of it. He had known a pair of addicts for a while when he was just out of high school, and one night he had watched them going from car to car late at night outside some big apartment buildings. Jeff didn’t think he could sleep if he lay there thinking about some junkies opening his car for the radio and finding all that cash.
He put his gun into the money bag, took it with him, and walked up the first-floor hall to Lila’s apartment. He found his key, unlocked the door, opened it slowly and carefully, slipped inside, and closed it again.
He saw Eldon lift his head from the sagging couch in the living room and stare at him. Eldon seldom showed surprise. Jeff knew Eldon had heard and smelled him long before he reached the door. He suspected that Eldon’s nose had told him all the essentials of his evening too, certainly the car, the gun, the paper money, the sex— especially that—and probably the fact that Jeff had felt about ten seconds of intense fear while Carrie was blasting away and bullets were bouncing all over the place. He felt a second of relief that Eldon couldn’t talk. Eldon put his head down again.
Jeff stepped out of his shoes, walked slowly to Lila’s bedroom door, and tested the knob. It was locked again. He moved toward the couch and saw Eldon was lying on a folded blanket and pillow from Lila’s bed. The money bag fit easily and invisibly behind the couch.
He took off his jeans and his shirt, went to the end of the couch, and crawled in behind Eldon. Keeping Eldon on the outer side of the cushion made Jeff less likely to be the one who got pushed off. It took a moment or two for dog and man to adjust their positions to share the space. They both had their heads on the pillow together, and the blanket was draped mostly on Jeff’s body. After a few minutes in which Jeff contemplated the nature of luck, opportunity, and the variety and sheer fullness of the world, he and Eldon dozed off.
He was awakened an astonishingly short time later when the sun, which belonged outside, fell on his upper body to light up his eyelids like lampshades and heat his face until it felt like cooked meat when he touched it. He sat up so he was out of the shaft of light. Then he seemed to recall that he had heard Eldon moving around in the kitchen, crunching food and lapping up water. He squinted and blinked, and saw Eldon waiting by the door of the apartment. Eldon gave a high-pitched whine, and Jeff swung his legs off the couch and stood.
He put on his pants, shirt, and shoes. He took Eldon’s leash off the hook by the door, attached the end to Eldon’s collar, checked his pocket to be sure he had his key, and then let Eldon lead him out.
They walked in the direction of the carports along the rear of the building, and Jeff made sure his car was all right while Eldon went from one clump of weeds to another, dousing each with urine, then moving on to sniff the breeze that reached him through the high chain-link fence. Jeff let Eldon lead him away from the building and around the block, then stop in the alley to defecate. Jeff had forgotten to take a plastic bag from Lila’s supply by the door, but there was a McDonald’s bag and an empty drink cup that worked well enough to clean up, and he tossed them into the first garbage can he passed.
As he walked up the alley behind Eldon, he reviewed the night’s events. He opened his wallet and searched for a card or slip of paper with Carrie’s number on it, but didn’t find one. How could he have lost it? What if he had lost it inside the apartment?
He stopped, opened the wallet again, and looked through the card section and the currency section. He stuck his fingertips into every compartment, searching for something small enough to have been missed, but found nothing. He put his wallet away and thought about Carrie. She was absolutely crazy, and the first few things she had told him after he met her were lies. But he thought of her last night in bed and took out his wallet again. He took out the thin sheaf of bills he had left home with last night and began to leaf through it. He saw the one right away. He had not started the night with any one-dollar bills. She must have put this one in his wallet while he was in the bathroom or something. Written on the bill was “Melisande Carr” and an 818 telephone number. “Carr, Carrie,” he whispered to himself. It wasn’t a nickname. She had still been lying to him about her name when he’d left.
He wondered why a woman would be so completely open—bringing him into her house, having sex with him in every position he could think of for hours without showing a second’s shyness or hesitation, let him see her shoot people in a robbery—and then be reluctant to let him know something as public as her name. And what kind of name was Melisande? She was one strange girl. He felt a little afraid of her, but he overwhelmed the feeling by flooding his brain with some recent views of her body stored in his short-term memory. Within a few seconds, he had forgotten his vulnerability and her nerve-racking unpredictability. There was only the attraction.
Jeff needed to forget about her entirely for the moment. She wasn’t expecting to hear from him for many hours. It was barely dawn. He followed Eldon on his rounds of his neighborhood. He tied Eldon’s leash to a table leg outside the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to buy two big cups of coffee. He was grateful to them for not making customers say “Tall” for small and “Grande” for medium. For years it had amazed him that nobody else seemed to see what fascist crap that was.
He put the cups in the little molded paper tray, went out to get Eldon, and followed him back to the apartment. At the apartment door, he set the tray on the floor, unlocked the door, and bent to scoop it inside, propping the door open for Eldon with his foot.
As he raised his head, he caught sight of Lila’s bedroom door. It was open now and she was standing beside her bed, pulling the covers up. He looked and straightened, and his eyes focused on her. She was wearing the lingerie he had laid out on the bed before he left last night—the black thigh-high stockings, the bra, and nothing in between. She seemed to sense only now that he was back, and looking at her. She looked straight into Jeff’s eyes.
In that instant the cold, half-lidded eyes conveyed everything—that she had come home from work at closing time, seen his little display of her underclothes made into an effigy and the money he was leaving her for their expenses. She had put on the outfit, thinking it was his cute way of seducing her. And then she had waited for him to arrive. She had probably explained his absence by thinking that he was out adding a surprise, that he would return shortly with champagne, flowers, things that were romantic because they were completely inappropriate for 2:00 A.M. Maybe because he had shown her he had some money she had thought of jewelry too—not a ring, which would be too premature to be anything but embarrassing, because she’d have to turn it down and then sleep with him anyway. But he could have been saving something nice, a pendant or bracelet to show that he had some kind of hope for a long-term relationship and the intention to let her know.
She stood still for another couple of seconds to permit him to see clearly that she had done her part, had put the wisps of nylon and silk on and waited for him in the bedroom. She had fallen asleep wearing them. Then she turned, walked into the bathroom, closed the door firmly, and clicked the lock.
He was sweating as he stepped to the door. “Good morning, baby,” he called through the door. “Eldon and I brought you some coffee.” He barely breathed. The toilet flushed. The shower handle squeaked and the water hissed. He turned away and walked back into the living room. This was bad. He had just arranged the clothes into an effigy of her for fun, without imagining that she would think it was a message, a request.
He had caught only a brief look at her standing still by the bed, but in her eyes were blame, rage, hurt, humiliation. He could actually feel them with her. He was horrified in another way by the blurred connection between playful intention and disastrous consequence.
He tried some different ways to explain. He could say, “I wasn’t demanding anything of you. I wasn’t thinking
