equipment used to find you, square in the middle.”
In the middle of the city. In the middle of my life. I sighed, not caring Chandra was close enough to scent my fatigue. Regan had attacked my body and tricked me into doing the same to an innocent. Hunter had all but obliterated me emotionally…it was nice to be somewhere safe and let someone else make the decisions for a moment. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft scrape of the blade, knowing even though she didn’t like me, Chandra wouldn’t hurt me. Not right now, anyway.
In fact, she was being unusually gentle. “Turn left. Into the lamplight.”
My thoughts blared in the deep silence, and they weren’t even proper thoughts, but fragments and images warring for space in my mind. I needed some real sleep to push them all away, but I’d settle for something to beat against. My eyes slitted open and I regarded Chandra coolly. She smelled like linen, as sterile and lifeless as the room, and with no emotional peg to hang my hat on. I’d make do.
“So, what?” I said, clearing my throat, setting the bait. “No lecture on how wrong and screwed up and impulsive I am?”
The tweezers faltered, her lips thinned as she fought the retort that wanted to come, but she swallowed it down. “You did talk to me about a compound for the injured changeling, and you even mentioned Regan had made you think of it. You didn’t know about this technology, but I did, and I should have put two and two together. Here, you moved again. Back to the left.”
Okay, I thought, my frown falling into an open mouth, someone had obviously spiked Chandra’s coffee with a passive pill. Because she never, ever conceded shit to me. And while she hadn’t come right out and apologized, it wasn’t far off.
So maybe if Chandra was going to take baby steps toward reconciling our partnership-or at least try being civil-I could too.
“Can you still do it? Duplicate the sample, I mean?”
I explained about Li, and how she’d looked the day before at Master Comics. That led to her questioning what I’d been doing there to begin with, which led to the revelation that Dylan and Kade had suggested I kill Jasmine… and if I’d started off well, the tightening of her jaw as I continued to speak let me know she was beginning to rethink her open-mindedness. But full disclosure-or as near as I could come-was needed if I was going to convince her to help. Besides, as soon as the manuals of Light started appearing again, she’d find out anyway. If I held back now, it’d be worse when she did.
But the roundup didn’t sound so good. And I hadn’t even included my agreement to work with the Tulpa, my latest run-in with Regan, or how I’d nearly killed an innocent.
“Look, before you can say it, I know I screwed up with Jasmine. I’m trying to figure out what I did wrong so I can fix Li and bring the manuals back to their original state, but in the meantime I could use some help on this. You didn’t see her, Chandra. That little girl was falling apart before my eyes. Like the Tulpa’s touch had infected her and the poison was spreading. It was awful, and she’s just a baby.”
Chandra watched me, saying nothing, and I looked down at my linked hands, finally allowing myself to feel the guilt coiled up in my gut as well. I swallowed hard so my voice could be heard. “I’d switch places with her if I could, take it all on myself. I’d die if it meant this little girl could have her life back, but I don’t know how to do any of those things.”
She drew back, her hair still fucked up, but her eyes less blurry, and her expression nonplussed. “You would, wouldn’t you? Even with all…this.” She motioned down the length of my body, indicating the glossy package.
I laughed wryly. She was talking appearance. I was talking life. “Of course. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah. If I were given the chance.”
And so the invisible elephant in the room reared its head. We met each other’s eyes, acknowledging it from across the vast expanse of our separate experiences. My existence had usurped her place in the Zodiac, and nothing short of my death would alleviate that.
“The redness will remain for a while,” Chandra finally said, turning away. “For now, we’ll just take away the sting.”
She turned back to the partitioned room with its greenhouse lighting and drip system, a little bit of life sprouting in a concrete underground. I had time to think how nice it was…before my eyes grew wide. Chandra waved her hand over a bald spot among the pink sandstone, and seconds later the stiff rosette of an aloe plant appeared. My mouth dropped open as she pulled a straight-edged knife from her pocket and sliced a spiny leaf. Sensing my awe as she returned, she shot me a satisfied smile as she sheared open the fleshy middle and scooped thick aloe like honey into her palm. “Another lesson on vibrational acuity, though smaller in scope than what the doppelganger’s been providing. Duplicate it in front of Tekla and you might get extra credit. Vibration is matter, and, after all, matter is all that matters.”
I ignored that for the time being. “But how did you-?”
“Do something we all can do? Well, that the Light can do, anyway. Shadows can’t create life…even their offspring are born half dead. On the other hand, we can’t create man-sized black holes the way the Tulpa did. That skill requires a lack of Light. After all, a black hole is the opposite of light, right? Nothing living can exist in such absolute darkness.” She waved her hand in the air, and behind the glass the succulent again disappeared among the rocks. Show-off. “I may not be a hereditary star sign, but I know how to maximize my gifts.”
She was applying the pure aloe to my chest and arm as she spoke, and when she was done she stepped back and wiped her hands on a nearby towel. I was looking at the rock garden with renewed interest, but if Chandra noted it she said nothing. It made sense, of course. I could create walls out of nothing other than my mind, but for some reason I’d never thought my mental powers extended to living things.
So did they also extend to black holes? The question hung there, unvoiced by both Chandra and me.
“You wear this well,” she finally broke the silence, motioning down the length of my powder-soft body, from the bright blond locks to the French-manicured toenails. “This body. Your sex-kitten image. I fell for it at first.”
“I know. You called me names.” She’d called me a cream puff, a bimbo. A life-sized Barbie.
“You called me names back,” she said flatly.
“Only the ones I knew would piss you off.” I’d long ago learned that every criticism said more about the critic than their subject. She’d attacked my looks, which was how I’d known what her sore spot was, and where to push in return.
“But you’re not what you seem,” she said hurriedly, like she was a cliff diver and might lose her nerve if she thought about it too much. “I know that now. And you’re not…petty.”
That statement confused me, but I shrugged it away, flush with her implied apology. This was acceptance from a quarter I’d never expected. Tension drained so that I actually slumped a bit, but as I opened my mouth to thank her, she shook her head.
“Look, there’s something you need to know.” Chandra hesitated, and I felt the tension return as I suddenly realized I was on the receiving side of a confession. And from her body language, I gathered I wasn’t going to like it any better than she did. “It’s about the animist’s mask, and what you see. You don’t have bad
A head cold? “What?”
She sighed, her usual self-assurance gone as she cleaned off her instruments without looking at me. “What I mean is, it’s not catching. Kimber lied about seeing her own destruction in the mask. She didn’t see anything. I thought it was a joke when she told me, she said she was just playing a bit…”
I fell stone-still. So that’s what she meant about being petty.
“But you let them all believe…?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence. After all the effort and trouble I had fitting into this place, all the time and energy spent convincing these people they could trust me, that despite my Shadow side I belonged in this troop…
Holding her hands up in front of her, Chandra did look at me now. “I just found out, I swear. I thought about telling Warren, but he didn’t seem too concerned to begin with, so instead I decided you might want to take care of it yourself. I know how you are when someone-”
“-is petty?” I asked bitterly.
She nodded, biting her lip as she looked at her fingers again, at the floor. Anywhere but at me.
“You’re starting to know me well.”
She did look up now that my voice had gone flat. “Just don’t go overboard-”
“Wow, you
