But she’d obviously hurt him, because a flash of pain crossed his handsome face. Still, she couldn’t afford to feel sorry for him, not when she had a cop killer sending her flowers and calling her at work. A chill rippled along her spine. “Protected me how? And don’t leave anything out.”
“There wouldn’t be any point to that now.”
“But I don’t know that for sure, do I? I don’t see why you held out on me to begin with.” She folded her arms across her chest, more to prevent the shaking than as a defense mechanism.
“I’ve had a detective following you,” he told her. “And when he wasn’t with you, I was.”
His words shouldn’t have shocked her but they did. She braced her folded hands lower, around her stomach, a way of offering herself comfort, although she found none. A small part of her wondered if Jake’s recent interest had more to do with keeping her in his apartment than keeping her in his bed.
He’d been deep inside her body, and they’d made love many times, and so her heart rebelled against the idea. Her mind insisted he’d been drawn to her long before she’d moved into the penthouse and before she’d become a target. But her wounded pride and sense of betrayal still made her question his motives. She didn’t want to believe he’d lie, not even in the name of protection.
And she didn’t want him to see her as weak. “Okay, so now what, Detective?”
This time he flinched at her formal tone. “This isn’t official business for me, Brianne.”
“No, you’re on leave. But you just can’t seem to stay away from the danger. And this time your need for that adrenaline rush brought that danger right to my doorstep.”
“
He was right. She was blaming him for things that were out of his control. She let out a slow breath. “Okay, so how close are the police to wrapping things up and getting this guy behind bars? Before he gets me, I mean.”
Once again he avoided her eyes. “Not very,” he admitted, and went on to explain the case as it related to the drug overdose patient in Emergency, including The Eclectic Eatery’s probable connection and Jake’s inability to score drugs there. “But we haven’t been able to link the overdose to the restaurant or Ramirez.”
“Great. So I’m a walking target.” The shaking returned along with the unsteady intakes of air until she felt light-headed and dizzy.
He must have sensed her distress because he placed a hand on her arm, but she shrugged off his touch and lowered herself onto the couch. During the course of her personal anxiety therapy, she’d learned intensive breathing that enabled her to create a calm, safe center deep within herself. She ignored Jake and concentrated on steady breathing until the room stopped spinning and she could focus once more.
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her, his blue eyes deep with concern. “Nothing’s going to happen to you as long as I’m around. And I’m not leaving your side.”
“Just what I wanted, a bodyguard,” she said wryly. Especially one who’d slept with her so he would know where she was at night, Brianne thought.
He moved to her side. His masculine scent was overpowering, seducing her with memories of last night. “You know I don’t find guarding your body a hardship.”
“So you like sex. That hardly makes me feel better right now.” But she was lying. Just knowing she had Jake by her side did make her feel much better. More confusion, she thought.
“I’m going to ignore that.”
But she didn’t miss the hurt in his tone. She knew she was being unreasonably cold toward him, but she couldn’t discount the fact that he’d let her wander the streets of New York, unaware that she was being followed by both a drug dealer and a detective he’d hired. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms.
His concerned gaze roamed over her. “You need to be careful, okay? Don’t go to the cafeteria or the supply closet or even the bathroom alone. Don’t walk anywhere by yourself, do you understand? I’ll bring David inside to meet you. He’s your bodyguard during the day. He’s smart and he’s good. What I’m saying is follow the rules and you won’t get hurt.”
She hugged herself. “And where will you be?”
“Getting Ramirez before he gets you.” He turned away.
“Jake, wait.” She grabbed on to his arm and held on fast. She didn’t want him putting himself in danger at all, but especially not for her.
Because she loved him.
Love. She should have seen it coming and hadn’t. All she’d viewed was mountains of questions and hills of confusion. That hadn’t changed. She hadn’t a clue how she felt about loving this man who loved danger. She only felt an overwhelming need to protect him from himself.
He pivoted back to her. “What is it?”
“How? How are you going to get him?” she asked, her voice urgent.
“He wants me and he’s obviously using you to get to me. If I can’t get him for dealing, I’ll get him for attempted murder.”
Her heart skipped a beat and fear took hold. “Attempted murder of who? You? Who is that going to help?” Brianne asked. Because if anything happened to Jake, it wouldn’t help her. But it just might kill her.
“
She didn’t miss the fiery determination in his gaze or the absolute certainty in his voice. He’d get Ramirez and he didn’t care how. Brianne realized she was looking at Jake Lowell, the detective, and the thought of him putting himself on the line scared her more than being in danger herself.
She wanted to believe it was old habits returning. That she was experiencing the same fear she’d felt each time her parents walked out the door on a risky adventure, because she didn’t know if they’d come home to her. But in her heart she now knew this was different. Jake was different and so were her emotions and the feelings she had invested in him. She wasn’t experiencing a recurrence of old anxieties now. She was scared of losing Jake.
She squeezed his arm tighter. “You can’t make yourself a target. Jake, please. Promise me you won’t do that.”
There was regret in his eyes and etched into his handsome features. “I can’t make that kind of promise.”
“Why not? There’s an entire police force out there. You’re injured and on leave. You aren’t in top form. Let someone who’s got full strength handle things for you.” The pleading in her voice reminded her of the little girl she’d once been.
And, without warning, Brianne realized she had to let him. Because she was no longer that scared little girl, but a woman who’d already undergone the very terror she feared. And she’d survived.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I have to do this,” Jake said.
“I know.” Though Brianne didn’t like it, she forced herself to admit she understood his reasons. Being a cop was part of who Jake was. He couldn’t walk away from a case. And she wouldn’t ask him to again.
“You understand?” His shock was tangible. His body jerked backward as if she’d slapped him.
She nodded. “Because I know you. It just couldn’t hurt to ask if you’d let someone else handle things.” The fact that she understood why he had to do this didn’t make it any easier to let him do his job, but she had no choice-just as she had had no choice but to pull herself together and raise Marc.
Until meeting Jake, Brianne had never acknowledged her inner strength, had never had a reason to face or begin to understand herself and the person she’d become. She’d always thought of herself as vulnerable, but she saw now that that was an illusion and she respected herself in a way she hadn’t before.
She met Jake’s stare. In the blue depths of his eyes, she saw a mixture of awe and uncertainty. He wasn’t sure he could trust her faith, and Brianne understood his reasons went beyond her dislike of his job. Jake’s ex-wife had bailed out on him-not just on his lack of money, but on
She leaned over and brushed a kiss over his lips, a gesture meant as a show of faith. He grabbed on to her face and turned the kiss into something deep and meaningful. Or so she chose to believe-because she loved him, she thought once more. And she refused to sit back and let him risk his life to protect her, not without a little help in
