Hot Shot

She gave a shaky laugh. 'Just like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz.'

'Just like that.'

'I don't think you can get courage from a machine.'

'You can from this one. If you want it. But you've got to want it bad, Suzie.' He leaned back against one of the tractor tires. 'The order for the forty boards doesn't just mean we're in business, you know that, don't you? It gives us a chance to put ourselves to the test. Not many people get that kind of chance. We have to get more orders, run some ads. And we're not going to make the same mistake MITS is making with the Altair. We're not offering any kits. Every board we sell is going to be fully assembled and top quality.'

His plans were so unrealistic that she was deeply disturbed. It was all very well to talk about the power of the gods, but the truth of the matter was that he had a machine nobody knew they wanted, and it was being built in the garage of a woman who did the hair on corpses. How could he stake his future on something like that? How could she stake her future?

'Parts are expensive,' she said noncommittally. 'What will it cost to build forty boards?'

'With discounts, price shopping-I figure around twelve thousand. Then we have to have cases made. Something plain, but sturdy. I've already got a guy working on a printed circuit board to make the assembly easier. Have you ever seen one?'

'I think so. I'm not certain.'

'It's a fiberglass board covered with a thin layer of copper. The copper gets etched away until only narrow paths of it are left on the fiberglass-like tiny wires.'

'Copper conducts electricity,' she said. 'At least I know that much.'

'Right. And fiberglass doesn't. The components fit into slots on the board. The right components, elegant design, and you've got a single-board computer. I figure we should be able to complete each board for around three hundred dollars. Pinky's going to pay us five and sell them for seven. We'll plow the profits into more boards, and before long we'll be able to produce a self-contained computer-terminal, monitor, the works. One of these days we're going to blow FBT right out of the water.'

'Do you have twelve thousand dollars?'

'Yank and I have about two thousand between us, but I had to use some of that as a deposit for the printed circuit boards. A guy I know offered me eight fifty for my stereo system. That's about it.'

With three thousand dollars, Sam thought he could take on FBT. She loved him, and so she concealed her dismay. 'Did you try the banks?'

'The banks are run by morons. They don't have any vision. They're fossils. Monumental dinosaurs.'

He had obviously tried the banks.

She lifted up her sandal and let the sand that had collected under her toes drift out. 'What are you going to do?'

He gave her a searching look. 'It's what are we going to do, isn't it? You're part of this. Or are you planning to run home to daddy and Calvin?'

The schoolyard lights caught the amber flecks in his eyes. She shivered. 'That isn't fair.'

'I don't give a shit about fair. I want to know. Are you in or out?'

'I want to be with you, Sam.'

'That's not what I'm asking.'

He was backing her into a corner, and she was frightened. Awkwardly, she slid down off the tire and looked beyond him to the dark borders of the playground. 'I don't have any money. In case you were counting on it, you should know that I can't help you. My father controls everything.'

'I don't expect money from you,' he said angrily. 'That's not why I want you with me. Goddammit! Is that what you think I want from you?'

'No, of course not.' But just for a moment, she had thought exactly that. 'I don't have anything, Sam-no clothes, no money, no place to stay.'

'I didn't ask for a frigging dowry! We'll get you some clothes and you're staying with me. Are you in or out, Suzie?'

He was so certain, always so certain. The darkness at the edge of the playground suddenly seemed to be full of menace. 'I told you. I want to be with you.'

'You can't be with me and not be part of this.'

What was she going to say? She was a practical person. The only impractical thing she had ever done in her adult life was fall in love with Sam Gamble. 'It's not that simple.' She turned away from him, but he came right up behind her.

'Bullshit. I want to know!'

'Don't bully me!'

'I want to know, dammit! Don't keep throwing up all these artificial barriers. Do you have the guts to go through with this or not? Do you have the guts to put yourself to the test?'

She spoke rapidly, pushing out the words before he could stop them. 'It's not just a matter of guts. I have to be practical. I need to support myself.'

'That's not the most important thing! Supporting yourself isn't the most important thing. You don't need money or clothes. Those are just excuses. It's your soul. That's what's important. That's all anybody really has. Don't you see? If you want your soul to survive-if you want it to grow and thrive instead of shriveling up and drying out like it was doing in that mausoleum at Falcon Hill, you have to dare. You have to give the world the finger, and you have to dare.'

How he could talk. How this man could talk. She hugged herself against the night and the chill and the menace at the edge of the playground.

He caught her arm. His eyes blazed. 'Suzie, listen to me. We're living on the threshold of a new society-a whole new way of doing everything. Can't you feel it? The old ways don't work anymore. People want information. They want control. They want power! When you look at Yank's circuit board, all you see is a collection of electronic parts. But what you should be seeing is a wave-this little wave way out in the water, far away from shore. This little hump of water that's just starting to form. But this little hump of water keeps coming closer. And the closer it comes, the more it starts to pick up speed. And then, pretty soon you look up and-Christ!-its not a little hump any longer but a great big wall of water that's risen up so high you can see it looming against the sky. You can see a white crest starting to form on the top like a crown. And that white crest is getting bigger and it's starting to churn and curl over at the top. And then you hear the noise. This tidal wave of water is picking up speed and it's starting to roar. And before long it's gotten so loud you have to hold your hands over your ears. That's when you start stepping backward. You don't want the wave to knock you down, and you're stepping backward faster and faster. And then- that's when you realize it. That's when you realize that no matter how fast you run, that motherfucker is going to slam right down on top of you. It's going to slam right down on top of everybody in the world. That wave is the future, babe. It's the future, and it's Yank's machine. And once that wave hits, none of us will ever be the same again.'

He was filling her with his words just as earlier he had filled her with his sex. He was filling up her body and taking it over. The words caught her, heaved her about in their undertow and made it hard for her to breathe. But for all his talk, Sam didn't really understand what it meant to dare. He had nothing to lose. He lived in an ugly little house with a painting of Elvis Presley on the wall. He owned a stereo system and a Harley-Davidson. When Sam talked about not being afraid to dare, he wasn't risking anything. She-on the other hand-was risking it all.

He touched her. He cupped her face in his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. The wave washed her up on shore, and she experienced that helpless feeling women throughout the centuries have known when they realize that loving a man means loving his vision as well, that it means traveling across oceans, across continents, that it means being uprooted from family and giving up the safe for the unknown. 'I-I need to think about this. Tomorrow, while you're at work, I'll think about it.'

'I'm not going to work tomorrow.'

'Why not?'

'I quit. I'm in, Suzie. I'm in all the way.'

'You quit your job?' she said weakly.

'Last week. Now how about you? Are you in or out?'

'I-I don't know.'