Quinn nodded. “It would have gone down smoothly if-”
“I’d stayed in Vermont the way Zoe thought I would.”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
She sighed and Quinn felt her pain.
He’d dreaded this day from the moment they’d met, but he’d mistakenly believed he could orchestrate the twins’ meeting and benefit everyone in the process. He shook his head. He certainly couldn’t claim a relation to Dr. Phil. If anything, he’d screwed up Ari even more.
“What happened back there, anyway?” he asked, hoping she’d confide in him.
She shrugged. “Zoe pretty much let me know that it was my attitude and assumptions that kept me distant from her and the family.” Ari rubbed her eyes with the silk scarf he’d used as a blindfold. “And she was right.”
Indignation rose inside him on her behalf. “I’ve dealt with your sister and, believe me, she’s no picnic. She does things her way. She could have confided in you and spared you both a lot of pain.”
She shook her head. “She wanted me to accept her for who she was. Isn’t that what I wanted from Jeffrey? From my family? Yet I couldn’t do the same for them. I was arrogant, stubborn, and completely self-absorbed in my opinion of who Zoe was. God, I even dictated what kind of life she ought to live, when all along, she was working for the government!” Self-disgust rang in her voice.
“Look, I don’t know much about family relationships, but I do know you two love each other. That counts for something. So you misjudged her. You’ll make it up to her. In the meantime, look on the bright side. Look at the good in what you just learned.”
Instead of her falling into his arms and telling him how smart he was, she stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. “And what positive thing did I just learn?” she asked, sarcasm in her tone. “Please do fill me in, because frankly I’m blank.” She spread her hands in front of her.
Quinn drew a deep breath, then laid his final card on the line. “Ari, you just found out Zoe’s a federal agent, not a con artist with no direction. You must realize now that she’s lived with your crazy family-
Ari still stared at him blankly and frustration filled him. Obviously she wasn’t ready to hear anything he had to say, let alone relate it to herself, her life, and ultimately to them. She needed time to process tonight, and he could understand.
“I need to know one more thing,” she said.
He shrugged. “Just ask.”
She laid a hand on his arm, then as if realizing she’d reached out for an emotional connection to him, she withdrew her touch. “Why did you bring me to Zoe now?” she asked. “Why didn’t you wait until the case was over and the risk wasn’t as great?”
He felt himself being led toward even greater disaster and refused to participate. “You aren’t ready to hear the answer,” he informed her. “Put the blindfold back on now.” He placed his hand back on the gearshift, hoping she’d listen before he spilled his guts and drove her further away.
“I asked you a question and I’d appreciate an answer.”
Damn stubborn woman. He exhaled a groan. “No, you wouldn’t. It’s like your sister all over again. You only think you want to know. Once you do, you’ll run for the hills.”
“I’m a lot tougher than you think. Especially after tonight. So tell me, Quinn. Why did you bring me to Zoe? Why did you take the risk to this assignment? To your career?”
He grabbed her by both shoulders and pulled her to him. “Because I had to.” By being vague, he was at once refusing to answer, yet goading her to press him for more.
A perverse part of him wanted her to keep pushing him until he bared his soul. And then what? he wondered, his head pounding with the knowledge that he was about to find out.
“Why?” she asked again. “In a few days I’ll be gone from your life. You’ll remember me as a woman you screwed with no strings attached. Most men would be thrilled with the situation, but you put yourself on the line. For me. And I want to know why.”
She was so full of shit. She was using words to push him away, and he wasn’t going to indulge her by letting an argument about semantics sidetrack him. “Because I hoped that if you talked to Zoe, you’d see that you could be a Costas, live among your family, and still have a normal existence. You could accept them and still be yourself.”
She narrowed her gaze and he hoped like hell she was either thinking about his words or storing them to examine later.
“That’s nice but why the hell do you care?”
“I think you already know, but for some reason you need it spelled out. Probably so you can have another excuse to run away,” he muttered. “And I’m just stupid enough to give it to you. I needed you to reunite with your sister because I care. And again I’m just stupid enough to hope that you have the guts to admit you feel the same way about me.”
Tears fell from her eyes but she remained silent. Which was okay, he told himself. He’d just added to her burdens by giving her more emotional crap to deal with. He trusted she’d come around.
She swallowed hard and stroked his cheek with her hand. “You’re a great guy, Quinn. But you deserve a hell of a lot better than me.”
And without meeting his gaze, she lifted the blindfold and tied it tightly around her eyes, closing him out.
Completely.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ari rode with Quinn back to his house, but when he’d started to get out of the truck, she reminded him that he had to meet with Damon early in the morning. A not-so-subtle hint that she needed to be alone. But now her thoughts were muddled and sleep didn’t come easily.
Quinn cared about her. Well, she cared about him, too, but that didn’t mean she could admit it out loud. The fact that he’d brought her to Zoe, risking an entire case, his career, and heaven knew what else spoke to a depth of feeling that scared her. She had a life in Vermont. As staid as it was, as boring as she realized it had become, she had friends, a tenured job, and stability.
What did she have here? A family that she didn’t understand, parents and a twin who didn’t trust her with the most basic information because she’d held herself above them. A monkey who was probably an illegal member of the clan, and a foster child she adored but who’d flip out if the monkey had to go. And a man who was caring and more understanding than she deserved.
Tired of tossing and turning, she rose at dawn and made her way to the small room Quinn used as an office, determined to focus on the one thing she could control. She turned on his computer and started to do some research on New Jersey laws and the fate of poor Spank.
• • •
Fresh from his meeting with Damon, Quinn was in a foul mood. Damon’s trip had been delayed a few hours and Quinn was preoccupied, unable to let go of the colossal mistake he’d made by bringing Ari to her twin. Instead of reassuring her about her place in her family, the reunion had left her feeling more like an outsider than ever. As a result, she was pushing him away, too. He felt certain that in Ari’s mind, by distancing herself, she was making her departure not only inevitable but easier.
He shook his head and decided to check out the action. He strode into the bar and saw Connor and Maria huddled in the corner, whispering and looking awfully cozy for two people who’d made sparring an art form. Obviously Connor was making progress with Maria, her kid proving not to be as much of a barrier as he would have thought. Watching them only served to remind Quinn again of his screwup with Ari and reinforce all that was lacking in his life.
He needed to get away and hang out with someone he understood. An hour later, he found himself at Elena and Nicholas’s house. In hand, he had a copy of the letter of recommendation he’d filed with the Division of Youth and Family Services supporting their foster-care application as well as the request to apply for the fost-adopt program. But his real motive was the desire to hang out with Sam and remember what his life was like.
