This Heart Of Mine

'You can get a good view of the town from that bluff.'

She gazed up the steep path. 'I don't have enough energy for the climb.'

'Then we won't go all the way.'

She knew he was lying. Still, her legs didn't feel as wobbly as they'd been yesterday, so she set off with him. 'How do the people in the town support themselves?'

'Tourism mainly. The lake has good fishing, but it's so isolated that it hasn't been overdeveloped like a lot of other places. There's a decent golf course, and the area has some of the best cross-country trails in the state.'

'I'm glad nobody's spoiled it with a big resort.'

The path was beginning to angle uphill, and she needed all her breath for the climb. She wasn't surprised when he left her behind. What surprised her was the fact that she kept on going.

He called down to her from the top of the bluff. 'Not exactly a walking advertisement for physical fitness, are you?'

'Just skipped a few'-she gasped-'Tae-Bo classes.'

'You want me to find an oxygen tank?'

She was breathing too hard to respond.

She was glad she'd made the effort when she caught the view from the top. There was still enough light to see the town at the far end of the lake. It looked quaint and rustic. Boats bobbed in the harbor, and a church steeple peeked through the trees against a rainbow candy sky.

Kevin pointed toward a cluster of luxury houses closer to the bluff. 'Those are vacation homes. The last time I was here, that was all woods, but nothing else seems to have changed much.'

She took in the vista. 'It's so pretty.'

'I guess.' He'd moved toward the edge of the bluff, where he gazed down at the water. 'I used to dive off here in the summer.'

'A little dangerous for a kid by himself, wasn't it?'

'That's what made it fun.'

'Your parents must have been saints. I can't imagine how many gray hairs you-' She stopped as she realized he was kicking off his shoes instead of paying attention to her.

Pure instinct made her take a quick step forward, but she was too late. He threw himself into space, clothes and all.

She gasped and rushed to the edge just in time to watch the sharp, clean line of his body hit the water. There was barely a splash.

She waited, but he didn't come up. Her hand flew to her mouth. She searched the water but couldn't spot him. 'Kevin!'

Then the surface rippled, and his head emerged. She released her breath, then caught it again as he turned his face to the evening sky. Water ran in rivulets over those clean planes, and something triumphant shone in his expression.

She clenched her fists and shouted down at him. 'You idiot! Are you completely crazy?'

Treading water, he looked up at her, his teeth gleaming. 'Are you going to tattle to your big sister?'

She was shaking so much that she stomped her foot. 'You had no idea whether that water was deep enough for diving!'

'It was deep enough the last time I dove in.'

'And how long ago was that?'

'About seventeen years.' He flipped to his back. 'But there's been a lot of rain.'

'You're a moron! Have all those concussions scrambled your brain cells?'

'I'm alive, aren't I?' He flashed a daredevil grin. 'Come on in, bunny lady. The water's real warm.'

'Are you out of your mind? I'm not diving off this cliff!'

He flipped to his side, took a few lazy strokes. 'Don't you know how to dive?'

'Of course I do. I went to summer camp for nine years!'

His voice lapped at her, a low, lazy taunt. 'I'll bet you stink.'

'I do not!'

'Then are you chicken, bunny lady?'

Oh, God. It was as if a fire alarm had gone off inside her head, and she didn't even kick off her sandals. She just curled the toes over the edge of the rock and threw herself off the bluff, following him into insanity.

All the way down she tried to scream.

She hit harder than he had and there was a lot more splash. When she came up, water dripped over the stunned expression on his face.

'Jesus.' He spoke on a softly expelled breath that sounded more like a prayer than a curse. And then he started to yell. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

The water was so cold she couldn't catch her breath. Even her bones were shriveling. 'It's freezing! You lied to me!'

'If you ever do anything like that again…'

'You dared me!'

'If I'd dared you to drink poison, would you have been stupid enough to do that, too?'

She didn't know if she was angrier with him for goading her into being so reckless or at herself for taking the bait. Water flew as she slapped it with her arm. 'Look at me! I act like a normal person when I'm around other people!'

'Normal?' He blinked the splash from his eyes. 'Is that why I found you holed up in your apartment looking like spoiled shrimp?'

'At least I was safe there, instead of catching pneumonia here!' Her teeth began to chatter, and her icy, waterlogged clothes pulled at her. 'Or maybe making me jump off a cliff is your idea of therapy?'

'I didn't think you'd do it!'

'I'm nuts, remember?'

'Molly…'

'Crazy Molly!'

'I didn't say-'

'That's what you're thinking. Molly the fruitcake! Molly the lunatic! Off her rocker! Certifiable! The tiniest little miscarriage, and she flips out!'

She choked. She hadn't meant to say that, hadn't ever intended to mention it again. But the same force that had made her jump off the cliff had pushed out the words.

A thick, heavy silence fell between them. When he finally broke it, she heard his pity. 'Let's go in now so you can get warmed up.' He turned away and began swimming toward the shore.

She had started to cry, so she stayed where she was.

He reached the bank, but he didn't try to climb out. Instead, he looked back at her. The water lapped at his waist, and his voice was a gentle ripple. 'You need to get out. It'll be dark soon.'

The cold had numbed her limbs, but it hadn't numbed her heart. Grief overwhelmed her. She wanted to sink under the surface and never come up. She gulped for air and whispered words she'd never intended to say. 'You don't care, do you?'

'You're just trying to pick a fight,' he said softly. 'Come on. Your teeth are chattering.'

Words slid through the tightness in her throat. 'I know you don't care. I even understand.'

'Molly, don't do this to yourself.'

'We had a little girl,' she whispered. 'I made them find out and tell me.'

The water lapped the bank. His hushed words drifted across the smooth surface. 'I didn't know.'

'I named her Sarah.'

'You're tired. This isn't a good time.'

She shook her head. Looked up into the sky. Spoke the truth, not to condemn him, just to point out why he could never understand how she felt. 'Losing her didn't mean anything to you.'