“Nothing.”
Theresa’s happy mood instantly succumbed to irritation, and a scowl crossed her face. “She must have said something. Speak!” She waved her hand at Corbin.
“All she said was she looking for some shoes,” replied Corbin, ignoring Theresa’s irritation. He shifted his attention to his computer and took a sip of his coffee.
“Shoes? Hmm. I didn’t know they made shoes in her size. . at least not women’s shoes.” Theresa flashed an ugly smile, which created wrinkles underneath her eyes.
“Before you start,” Beckett interrupted, “you might want to get back to your office. Kak’s on the prowl today, and he’s already been in here twice.”
Theresa waved off his comment. “I don’t care about Kak.” She shifted slightly so she could see Beckett more easily. “Apparently, our little Molly had a date the other night with a banker, and it didn’t go well.” Theresa often described Molly as “little,” to ironically emphasize Molly’s larger-than-average build.
“There seems to be a lot of that going around lately,” said Beckett, referencing Corbin’s failed date. Corbin shot Beckett a nasty look in return, though Theresa didn’t notice.
“You won’t believe this!” Theresa said, far too happily. “This guy was
Corbin and Beckett nodded involuntary at the memory of Molly’s behavior the prior summer.
“What’s more, for some reason I’ll never understand, he adores her! He’s apparently completely smitten with her, even though he knows all about her, uh,” Theresa cleared her throat, “unusually experienced past. Can you believe he doesn’t care about that? Incredible!”
Corbin ignored Theresa’s rant and opened his e-mail.
Beckett, however, couldn’t ignore her. “What’s the catch?”
Theresa’s smile broadened to the point that it appeared dangerously close to spreading beyond the confines of her face. “He’s two inches shorter than she is!”
Corbin rolled his eyes, thinking back to Molly’s comments about heels, but he remained silent.
“So what?” Beckett asked. He sounded confused.
“Exactly!” Theresa verged on giddiness. “For normal people like you and me, that wouldn’t be a big deal. But for her, a shorter date is an affront to her dignity! She spent the whole morning complaining to anyone she ran across. Then she called the friend who introduced them, and she yelled at her for setting her up with ‘McShorty.’ Afterwards, she called McShorty himself and told him he was too short for her.”
“She didn’t!” Beckett gasped.
“She did!” Theresa laughed. “This is the fifth guy she’s dumped in the last two months, and always for the shallowest reasons: too young, too cheap, too old, too bald, and now too short. Two more and she becomes some twisted Snow White.” Theresa grabbed a folder from Corbin’s desk and held it before her face. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the nuttiest fruitcake of them all.”
Corbin took the folder back. “Don’t start handing out any poison apples.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Theresa replied innocently, fluttering her eyes. “Poison’s far too slow,” she purred.
Beckett walked over to his filing cabinet. “I don’t want to know any more.”
Theresa looked at him. The smile on her face faded. She looked at Corbin, but he also seemed unwilling to continue the discussion. Annoyed at their lack of participation, she slid off Corbin’s desk and headed for the door. “I’m sorry to hear your date didn’t go well, Alex.” Her tone did not match her words. “But at least you’re still on the market, that’s all that matters. . you’ll come around.”
When Theresa left, Corbin whispered across the room to Beckett: “See what I mean?!”
“She’s just lonely,” Beckett said, picking up his newspaper. “She’s got nice legs though.”
“Yeah, and she’s got something else too.”
“What?”
“My watch.”
“She did say you’d come around.” They both laughed.
A few minutes later, Kak burst into their office without knocking. He never knocked. It was immediately obvious he was furious. His face had turned bright red and was trending toward purple.
“What. . what do you think you’re doing?!” Kak had difficulty expressing himself when he became nervous or angry, and the angrier he became the worse it got. “If you have problems. . problems with the office, then you. . then you tell me! You don’t. . you don’t do this!” Kak rubbed his palm against his receding hairline as he yelled, and his gray beard shook. As he breathed, the buttons on his dingy, polyester short-sleeve dress shirt strained to contain his stomach. He wore no tie today, and no one even knew if he owned a suit jacket.
“What are you talking about?!” Beckett demanded.
“Th. . this!” Kak waved a piece of paper at Beckett, before tossing it at him.
Beckett caught it out of the air. It was a GSA “pre-inspection” form everyone had filled out. GSA, the General Services Administration, was conducting inspections before renegotiating the office lease, and they wanted to know everything that needed to be fixed. Unlike everyone else, Beckett filled his out accurately.
“What’s wrong with it?” Beckett asked.
“What are you trying to. . to do?!”
“I’m not going to sign off on this office being safe without listing the things I think are unsafe.”
“You’re not a s. . safety. . you’re no expert!”
“No, but I know exposed wires aren’t safe. Sparks aren’t safe. I know mold isn’t safe. I know people around here have a lot of respiratory problems.”
“Y. . you’re not the expert! Let the expert do his job.”
“All I did was fill out the form honestly. The form asks for comments. I made those comments. What do you want me to do differently?”
Kak glared at Beckett. His face was now purple, but his eyes registered trepidation. Beckett followed the form to the letter, and Kak could do nothing about it, but that didn’t stop him from getting very, very angry. Kak moved his mouth, but no sound came out.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that? What did you want me to do differently?” Beckett repeated.
Kak took a deep breath before continuing in a low growl. “If you make these claims, GSA will. . will need to address these with the. . with the landlord. There’s no reason to draw outside attention to this office!”
Beckett didn’t back down. “What do you want me to do?” This wasn’t a question so much as a direct challenge. “Tell me exactly what I should do, and I’ll do it.”
“Small conference!” Kak roared, and he stormed off.
Beckett sighed and shook his head. “I’ll be back.”
No sooner had Beckett left, than Molly appeared at the door, holding a half-eaten cookie in her right hand. Molly’s office abutted Corbin and Beckett’s, and she often overheard what happened in their office, especially when the door was open.
“’Sup? Rumor has it Kak invited your buddy to his lair.”
“What are you doing, loitering in front of our office?” Corbin pointed at the cookie. “Hey, I know that cookie! I see you two came to terms?”
“Yeah, we worked something out.”
“Looks like you got the better end of the deal though.”
“Some you win, some you lose. So what does Kak want with your little friend?”
“Kak wants to make sure all of Evan’s safety concerns are properly addressed.”
Molly wrinkled her nose. “Did you ever notice Kak looks a lot like Santa, only evil?”
Corbin chuckled. “Yeah, that struck me too. Are you going for coffee?”
“Uh, hello! Cookie! Where do you think I got this?” Molly waved the cookie around.
“So you’ve already been?”
“You know, they’re right about you. . you’re smart.”
“All right. Go paint your nails or whatever you do around here,” Corbin responded patronizingly. It was well- known Molly spent most of her day working on her nails or reading the paper. She preferred filing her nails into squares, rather than ovals, and painting them in darker colors rather than light. In newspapers, she preferred
