The Hangman’s Row Enquiry

“Guest room,” explained Deirdre, “but since I don’t have many guests, except on the rare occasions when my daughters arrive from far-flung lands, we can set ourselves up permanently in here. Plenty of other rooms for whoever. Now, who is going to be chair?”

“What on earth are you talking about, Deirdre,” Ivy said, beginning to bristle at what was clearly Deirdre’s attempt to take over.

Gus smiled charmingly at the ladies, and said that as he probably had the most experience in the field of detection, perhaps he should take the helm?

“Hear, hear,” said Ivy quickly. “Anyway, it was all Augustus’s idea, so I vote for him as-ahem-chair.”

“Exactly what I was about to suggest,” lied Deirdre. “Then, as I have a computer and some secretarial skills, I should probably take on the work of admin, records and all that?”

Gus nodded.

“What’s left for me to do, then?” said Ivy crossly.

“Good heavens, Ivy!” Gus said. “Yours is the most important job of all. You will be the eyes and ears of Enquire Within, looking and listening and making mental notes. We shall meet regularly, and your input will be vital to our investigations. To put it shortly, Ivy, the agency couldn’t operate without you.”

Ivy knew perfectly well he was exaggerating, but was mollified nevertheless. “Right,” she said. “Then it’s just as well I’m still in possession of all my marbles.”

Deirdre began to think her own role was diminishing to typist and filing clerk, and said, “Still, Ivy, you’ll need transport, and I shall be very happy to take you wherever you want to go. We shall be a good team!”

Ivy gave her a look to quell the bravest upstart, and said wasn’t it time they got down to business and opened the investigation into the murder of Mrs. Winifred Blake.

“Just one snag,” Gus said apologetically. “Nobody’s asked us to, so no client. No client, no fee.”

“Ah,” said Deirdre, “I think I may have a solution to that one.”

“Excellent!” said Gus. “Solutions are our business!”

“Calm down, young man,” Ivy said, and added that she would like to hear Deirdre’s solution to this particular problem.

“The Hon. Theo, he’s going to be our first client, though he doesn’t know it yet,” said Deirdre triumphantly. “A murder in a property lowers its value immediately. And nobody’s going to pay a wicked rent to live in a glorified hovel haunted by an evil old woman.”

“Spot on, Deirdre!” Gus laughed. “My little cottage is not far from a hovel with a few bodged improvements. You are right about the wicked rent, too. And how are you going to approach the village squire?”

Deirdre tapped the side of her nose with a manicured forefinger in time-honoured fashion, indicating conspiracy. “Leave it to me,” she said. “Theo Roussel and I go back a long way…”

“Steady on, Deirdre,” Ivy said caustically. She looked at Gus and said, “And what do you say to that, Chair?”

Gus sat back and folded his arms. “First, I would like to stress that it will be vital that we trust each other. If one of us has a hunch and does not wish to talk about it until some following up has been done, fine. So, second, I would say good luck to Deirdre. But I propose we have weekly meetings, when we bring each other up to date on progress. Now, how do you feel about working on more than one case at once?”

“One’s plenty,” Ivy said, “and three brains are better than one. I propose to start by talking to that awful Beattie woman. There’s nothing escapes her notice, and old Theo Whatsit lets her get on with it, so I hear. She’s a member of the Women’s Institute, and so, for my sins, am I. There’s a WI meeting on Thursday afternoon, and no, I don’t need a lift, Deirdre. I can manage to walk to the village hall, thanks.”

Gus was delighted. All this getting going so soon! Nothing like a couple of bossy women to go straight to it.

Ivy wiped the smile off his face with practised skill. “And you, Augustus? What are you going to do? As far as I can see, the chair don’t do much except make fancy speeches. Where are you going to start?”

Gus was used to quick thinking, and said at once that he had already made a start. “Miriam Blake is already a friend,” he said. “We have shared the cup that-”

“Yes, yes, we know all that,” interrupted Ivy, “but how do you mean to tackle her?”

“Friendship. The poor woman is bereft and lonely,” Gus said. “Now is the time to release all her past resentments and feelings of revenge,” he added. “She is obviously suspect number one, but in my experience it is seldom number one who turns out to be the guilty party.”

Deirdre gazed at him in disbelief. “Never mind the psychology,” she said. “She’s just a bitter old spinster, and from what I’ve heard hasn’t turned a hair at drowning kittens and strangling cockerels in the past. With a bread knife handy, I wouldn’t put it past her to… well, you know.”

“Coffee time, I think,” said Gus, feeling slightly queasy.

Ivy nodded. “I could do with a nice strong cup of tea, Deirdre,” she said. “And none of your scented muck with bits of flowers floating in it. PG Tips will do nicely.”

UNAWARE THAT SHE was being roundly insulted by Mrs. Deirdre Bloxham, MBE, Miriam Blake sat at her tiny kitchen table with her mother’s last will and testament spread out before her. It was a simple document, leaving all Winifred Blake’s goods and chattels to her beloved daughter, Miriam. The sting in the tail was that there was all of five hundred pounds in total to bequeath.

“Old devil!” Miriam said aloud. There had been a lot more money squirreled away somewhere, nothing surer. She knew perfectly well that her father had been a mean old bugger, scrimping and saving and hoarding all he could for some imagined emergency. She was sure there was cash somewhere. Her mother had been paranoid about locking doors, and always hung washing on the line to show it was not an empty house, when in fact they were away on their annual one week’s holiday in Southend-on-Sea. On the face of it, there was nothing worth stealing. But somewhere…

Miriam folded up the will and replaced it in its envelope. What the old thing left in the bank would not even pay for the funeral. She would have to hunt properly and systematically round the house. But not straightaway. It would look bad, unseemly even, to be turning out cupboards and looking under floorboards before her mother was laid safely to rest. Last night she had awoken to see the familiar lined old face looking at her over the rail at the bottom of the bed. Miriam had pulled the bedclothes over her head, yelling at the apparition to go away and leave her alone.

Nine

IN THE SPOTLESS kitchens of Springfields Home for the Elderly, Miss Pinkney was giving the Polish girl a piece of her mind. Fortunately, the girl could understand little of what the red-faced woman was saying. She had quickly discovered that the best thing to do in the face of this kind of meaningless tirade was to say nothing, but have an expression of anxiety to please on her face.

As far as Katya could tell, the crime she had committed was leaving a pot of jam on the table without its top screwed on, a perfect target for the cloud of wasps that already buzzed around in ecstasy.

“Sorry, Miss Pinkney. I will not do again,” she said humbly.

“Do it again, girl! We like all our staff to speak good Queen’s English. Aren’t you going to classes?”

Katya nodded obediently. She caught the word classes, and for once could answer, knowing what she was agreeing to. She and another Polish girl who cleaned in the village went to weekly English classes in Tresham. This friend, Anya, had a greater aptitude for languages than she did, but she was trying hard. Katya liked working at Springfields, and though some of the old people were rude and unpleasant, most were kind and appreciative. She felt sorry for some of them, dumped by relatives who never came to see them. There was only one that she was really frightened of, and that was Miss Ivy Beasley. Although she did not understand all that the old dragon said to her, the expression on her face when she was cross was enough to frighten the Pope.

“Get on with your work, now,” Miss Pinkney said, her voice softening. Although she had no children of her own,