He shook his jacket off and took a deep breath. “Look, Pat. I was tired. Why do-”
Then she laughed. “I’m thrilled, Tapkow. That really thrills me. I’m truly stimulated by the thought of a man like you. He goes to bed with me because he’s tired and wants to sleep.” Abruptly she changed her voice. “You don’t kid me any more, lover. With you it’s either business or business.”
“Shut up!”
She stopped but the line between her eyes got deeper.
“I was tired. I was tired because I had to get away from that place.” He got up and paced from one wall to the next, then stopped in front of her. “You got a talent, kid: you’re getting under my skin. You must have had it for a long time, talent like that, you’re so good at it. But listen to me, Pat.” His voice was sharp now. “Stop pulling these switches. Stop tearing and biting, stop making yourself sick, do you hear?”
Her teeth showed and she tried to step back. “You know what you can-”
“Do you hear? Sick!” His hand held her close.
He saw her blink, the line gone between her eyes, and for a moment a helpless apprehension showed, the kind that doesn’t stay, but turns to fright. She bit her lip and when she put her hand down it might have been because they stood so close, but her face came to his chest and with a sudden thoughtless urge his arms came up, held her around the back. He felt her stiffen, or maybe not, and then she did the same as he, and, once again, there was no space at all between them.
The day is hot early in Louisiana. They moved again, feeling the close murk in the room. Except for moments that were hard to think of then, it hadn’t been all good.
When a man drowns and then finds the hold that saves him, that doesn’t make the drowning any pleasanter. They got up and didn’t talk. They did a little straightening to the room without talking. He held his pack out and she took a cigarette, waiting for the light He gave it to her.
“You need some clothes. You look all wrinkled,” he said.
He watched her fingers plucking the seam that ran down the front of the skirt, and there was a skittering to the movement, an unpleasant off beat in the rhythm of her hand. He looked away.
She got up and opened the window in the back, then slammed it down again.
“That heat,” she said.
“I’ll buy an air conditioner.”
She went to the door. “I want to get out of here,” she said. “I want to get out of here, Benny.”
The way she’d said it, she could have used “Tapkow” instead. Or even “Saint Benny.”
“We got to stay.” It sounded sullen.
“We got to stay,” she aped. “Why?” She turned to the bed where he sat. “Why?”
“Please, Pat-”
“You know why?”
“Pat, I’ve asked you-” But when he got up and stepped her way, she turned again to face the wall and hit it with her fist.
“Oh, God,” she groaned. “Oh, God.”
His hands were on her shoulders. They were small and not soft.
“Don’t.” She held still. “Don’t even try,” she said. “I hate this, you hate this, but it comes and don’t even try. I said don’t,” and she whirled around.
“Pat, I know that-”
“You know, you know! You know nothing. Let’s go.”
“We’ll go to town and I’ll buy you some clothes.”
“Away. Don’t you hear me? I want to go away from here. To Tober’s.” Her voice was intense now. “We can go back to Tober’s and fool everybody. It just occurred to me what a neat trick that would be, Benny. We go back to Tober’s and fool everybody because-”
“You don’t fool everybody. Why Tober’s?”
“Just Tober’s place. You know.”
“I know. Perhaps you think you’re fooling me? You got the shakes, Pat”
She laughed again. “Dr. Saint Benny! Get him!”
“Pat. That’s out. Pull yourself together. Pat, I’ll help you. We’ll go to town-”
“To hell with you,” she yelled. “Saint Benny the Bastard to the rescue.” Her voice got low and she looked at Benny with her head to one side. “You want to help me? Nice of you. You want to be of service? I’ll tell you how.” She walked around him and got his jacket. Her hand went into the inside pocket and came out closed. “Lifesaver,” she said, and showed him the little white envelope she was holding.
When he tried to explain, she smiled. When he said no, she spat at him from across the room and her language got filthy. Then he charged across the room while she stepped into the bathroom fast and locked the door. He heard the water running and thought of kicking the door down, but stopped himself from doing it. Saint Benny, he thought. How many more days, Saint Benny? How much longer till Alverato comes through and how much more of this?
And when he put his jacket on to wait for her it never occurred to him to destroy the little white envelopes that were still in the pocket.
Chapter Seventeen
They took the highway back to Haute Platte. The top of the car was down because they thought the breeze might help.
“You see, Benny? You needn’t have worried so.” Pat sounded friendly. “It’s not as if I were a user. Wait till we get back to New York, when all this is over. I won’t need any of this any more. Anyway.” She added the word and laughed.
Benny didn’t argue.
They drove to Haute Platte with the sun pouring an early heat over the landscape. The live oaks in the swamps along the road stood limp and immobile. Only the dust moved where the car had passed.
The town was worse than the highway and they drove around looking for a store.
“Once more around,” she said, laughing.
He circled the square again and headed down the main street. “We’ll take this one.” They stopped across from the department store and got out of the car. “Buy something light, Pat. Just a few things for summer. Then, when we get back to New York-”
“You want me to buy something cheap, Benny.” Her eyes had started to look glittery and intense. “I’ll buy something thin and cheap, Benny, something that doesn’t matter much.”
“Why-”
“Something thin and cheap, Benny, that doesn’t matter much and tears easy.” She gave him a new, quick smile and leaned against him. “Wouldn’t you like that, Benny?”
He was puzzled for a moment, thinking that he had missed something. “Wouldn’t I like what?”
“Tear it off, stupid! You would like to tear it off, wouldn’t you?” Her voice was louder now, and insistent.
“Sure, Pat, sure. That’s great. Now come on and let’s get going.”
“Like this, huh, Benny?” She put both hands into the neck of the blouse and started to yank.
He hadn’t meant to shout, but when he said, “Stop,” it came out like a shot. And when he reached for her hands to stop her, Pat jerked back as if stung. “Benny!” There was fright in her voice. “Benny, why did you do that?”
He lowered his hands slowly and stood back. “Easy, baby,” he said. “Take it easy.” For a moment he could see her face working and then suddenly the expression was gone.
“Here’s the store. In you go. Use the elevator?”
“No, over there,” and she dragged him to the place where the escalator climbed diagonally through the ceiling.
She stepped on with a little jump and then skipped on up the moving steps. When Benny got to the next floor she had disappeared. He looked right and left, craning his neck to look over the tops of aisles and clothes racks.
