‘No, thank you. You poor thing, you must be starving. I am a bad wife. I don’t take sufficient care of you.’ Antonia sighed. ‘There is never any proper food in the house and all we do is sit around having drinks and talking.’
‘Nothing wrong with that.’
‘We keep trying to solve mysteries.’
Payne shrugged. ‘We can’t help it if things happen to us.’
‘Do you know any other couples who try to solve mysteries?’
‘Not a single one. We not only try, we actually solve mysteries,’ he corrected her. ‘Don’t make us sound futile and eccentric, please.’
‘We have an unorthodox lifestyle, by any standards. You must see that. We are different from most other couples.’
‘We are rather exceptional, I agree.’
‘Perhaps we should try to go out and meet other couples more. We keep getting dinner invitations, which we turn down. I think it’s all my fault. If your mother had been alive, she’d have regarded me with disapproval and contempt.’
‘Nothing of the sort. She wouldn’t have.’
‘Mothers-in-law don’t like to have daughters-in-law who rush about, being adventurous.’
‘My mother would have adored you. She was adventurous herself. I’ve told you!’
‘Yes, you have.’ Antonia paused. ‘Bletchley Park, 1944. The Enigma Code.’
‘Old Churchill thought extremely highly of my mother.’ Payne held up an imaginary cigar. ‘Not only our youngest and cleverest but our prettiest decoder. Old Churchill gave her a DCB. Old Churchill had a thing about Mama. She covered the family name with glory.’
‘Belinda de Broke, Dame Commander of the Bath. It is an unusual, rather striking sort of name.’
‘It suited her. She was an unusual, rather striking sort of woman. Pity you never met her. She broke her neck driving in the Andes. She was with my second stepfather. Chap called Talleyrand-Vassal. He was twenty years younger than her.’
‘Did he survive?’
‘No. He broke his neck too. I was glad about that. Talleyrand-Vassal was a rotter.’ Payne rose. ‘Have we got any crushed ice? I want to get you a drink.’
‘Nobody mixes a martini like you.’ Antonia sat down on the sofa.
‘I mix martinis like a god.’
‘Do you know what I did today after we spoke on the phone? You’ll never guess. I went to Earls Court.’
‘Why Earls Court?’
‘There was something I had to do.’
‘Another brainwave?’
‘It was Julia Henderson who provided me with the clue. It’s the longest of shots. I’ll tell you all about it when I am sure.’
‘How about going on a neighbourly visit tonight?’ Payne consulted at his watch. ‘Or are you too tired?’
‘What neighbourly visit? You don’t mean Melisande, do you?’
‘I do mean Melisande.’ He told her about his conversation with Tancred Vane.
‘Delusional love… You don’t think she will open her heart to us, do you?’ Antonia glanced down at the open book Payne had left on the sofa. ‘Sexual Obsession and Stalking.’
‘Got it at the library. On my way back from the Villa Byzantine.’
She looked down at the open pages and at the bulletshaped pencil that lay between them. ‘You have been underlining. You can’t do that in a library book, you know. They could fine you for defacing. Maladie d’amour,’ she murmured, turning a page.
‘Also known as melancolie erotique. Why do these things sound so much better in French? Look further down. The condition is also known as “old maid’s psychosis”.’
‘Melisande is not an old maid.’
‘Clearly there are variations… Enigma Variations… Shall we have some Elgar, to set the tone?’
‘No, not music. Not now. Can’t concentrate if there’s music. So… The sufferer believes that the subject of their delusion secretly communicates their love by subtle methods, such as body posture, arrangement of household objects and other seemingly innocuous acts.’
‘Vane said she kept staring at him. She patted his cheek on a regular basis. She insisted on giving him pecks. She brought him some flowers that looked like human lungs. When he moved them to the right of his desk, she looked enraptured. She turned very pink. She was convinced he was sending her a signal. She took it for a declaration of his love for her.’
‘Love via lungs…’
‘Did you know that, if stretched out, our lungs would cover an area the size of a tennis court?’
‘De Clerambault’s Syndrome…’
‘That’s another name for the same condition. Gaetan de Clerambault was head of an institution for the criminally insane. He was attached to the Prefecture de Police in Paris and couldn’t have been entirely compos himself. He shot himself in 1934.’
‘Did he?’ Antonia looked up. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. Makes one wonder. Are loony doctors attracted to their profession because they are aware of some mental kink in their psychological make-up, or does a daily dose of the criminally insane prove fatal in the end?’ Payne glanced at his watch. ‘Would you like another drink before we go?’
‘No, not another drink. I intend to be as clear-headed as possible.’
‘And I intend to take my old army revolver with me.’
‘You aren’t thinking of effecting a citizen’s arrest, are you?’
‘Not quite, but we must be ready for a reaction. I rather doubt our probing questions will be welcome. She may become agitated. She may try something. There is a full moon, that’s when awful things tend to happen.’ He waved towards the open window. ‘If it was Melisande who killed Stella, she is probably very strong. She must have been able to lift the sword and swing it.’
‘She can’t really be in love with both Vane and Morland, can she?’
‘I would have said no… Oh well, perhaps we’ll know soon enough… Has it ever occurred to you, my love, that you and I lead about as extraordinary a life as any two people who didn’t found a religion or didn’t personally lead an invasion of a foreign empire? Let’s push along.’
As they were crossing the hall, the telephone rang. Major Payne picked it up.
It was his aunt.
‘Hughie!’
‘Actually, darling, we happen to be on our way out,’ Payne said. ‘We are off on an important and potentially dangerous mission-’
‘I won’t keep you long. Have you managed to have that woman arrested? I mean la fausse Miss Hope.’
‘No, not yet. As a matter of fact, we are on our way to her place at this very moment. I don’t know about having her arrested, but we are certainly going to try to persuade her to confess.’
‘How perfectly thrilling,’ said Lady Grylls. ‘You must tell me all about it when you come back.’
‘We most certainly shall.’
‘One more thing. What’s the meaning of the cryptic message you left behind?’
Payne looked at his watch. ‘What cryptic message, darling?’
‘WW. You wrote that on one of my napkins.’
‘I never-’ He broke off. ‘Oh. I did. Sorry. I did doodle on the napkin. I had the handkerchief on my mind. The handkerchief the police found at the scene of the crime. It was made of very fine silk. I do apologize, darling. I’d been mulling over those initials. No – not WW but MM. I wrote MM. The initials are Stella’s daughter’s, though the blasted girl swears she’s never used a handkerchief in her life. It’s the one clue that doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the puzzle.’
‘MM, did you say? Oh yes.’ Lady Grylls laughed. ‘I must be looking at it upside down. What did you say? Speak up, will you? You are mumbling.’
‘Upside down… Not MM but WW… Good lord.’
