Jennifer Rardin [Jaz Parks series book 2] Another One Bites The Dust

 He nodded. “Sound choice.”

 “Thanks.”

 I took a bathroom break. A necessity, but also an excuse to grab our safe phone from the bedroom. I ignored the way my heart skipped when I opened the door. What I couldn’t avoid was the sudden realization that I’d slept right through my last trip to z-land. No trying to shoot myself in the head. No stepping into traffic or jumping out windows. No dreams at all. Just sweet, deep silence, like the kind Vayl enjoyed every single day.

 As I took the phone off the dresser, I considered the black tent that hung over the bed like a huge, bloated bat. I really cared about Vayl. More than I should. Way more than I wanted to. But did I want to be like him? Still pining for what I’d lost two hundred and more years down the line? Somehow that seemed stunted and wrong.

 But wasn’t I doing exactly what he was doing? Wasn’t I holding on to Matt as if I thought I’d find him in the fresh-food section at Aldi’s one day, feeling up the grapefruits with that wicked look on his face that always made me laugh? My anger at him made more sense seen that way. Like I felt he’d cheated on me by moving on. And, as a logical progression of that thought, I was being faithful by standing in place.

 The buzz started low in my head and grew so loud I banged the palm of my hand against my temple.Not now. I’ve got things to do! But Raoul had his own schedule, and I’d finally learned that when he wanted to talk I’d better listen. I closed my eyes before he grabbed my vision to get my full attention and said, “You rang?”

 That enormous voice boomed in my head.TURN IT ONE MORE TIME TOO .

 For some reason I twisted the phone in my hand, so if I held it to my ear the receiver would be on top. No, it wouldn’t work that way.Turn it one more time too.

 Matt had left me.

 TURN IT.

 And I had left him.

 At the height of our love, we’d let death separate us. Some part of me had never believed it would happen. In fact, at some level I’d despised us both for allowing it. I’d been furious at him for leaving. And I’d hated myself for staying.

 NOW THINK.

 “What?”

 THINK!

 Holy crap, Raoul, that’s all I’ve been doing!Thinking about Matt. More than I wanted to. So few people knew him. But they all liked him. Especially Albert. I put the phone to my ear, only mildly surprised I’d already dialed his number.

 “Yeah?”

 “Albert?”

 “What’s up? Everything going okay?”

 “I was thinking about Matt today.”

 “Me too.”

 “Really?”

 “What a poker face. Did I ever tell you he bluffed me out of a twenty-dollar pot with a king high? That’s it! And I was sitting there with a pair of tens!”

 “No kidding.”

 “You know why I liked him though?”

 “Not really.”You don’t like anybody hardly.

 “Because the day you two got engaged we had a little talk. And he said to me, ‘Colonel Parks, I just want Jaz to be happy. That’s it. It won’t matter where we are, or what we’re doing. If we’re a million miles apart or stuck like glue. As long as she’s happy, I’ll be fine.”

 Don’t. Cry.“Why are you telling me this now?”

 “Your brother called. He was worried about you.” My dad is a lot like a baseball pitcher. He has a windup that he goes through before he throws his curve. I should’ve recognized the tone in his voice as the windup. But it had been a while, and I was distracted.

 “What did he say?”

 “He said you were a goddamn mess! Now you listen to me!” he barked. “Shit like this buries you, if you let it! You’re up to your neck in shit, Jasmine. Is that how you want to go down?” He’d pitched it into a full-out roar now, just like he had when I’d walked into the house covered with mud at the tender age of six. Then I’d wanted to cry. Now I wanted to kick him in his battered old knees. Maybe he’d raised me right after all. I’d finally learned to hit that curve.

 “No sir.”

 “Then get off your ass and do something about it!”

 “Yes sir.”

 “You nailed that boss of yours yet?”

 “What?”

 “You obviously need to get laid, Jaz.”