and our consultants, who still sat on it, between my boss and me. “Hey, how are you?” I asked, keeping my voice level, trying not to glare. I’d already chosen my fights tonight. Ours wasn’t included.
Vayl gave Bergman and Cassandra a nod that they took as dismissal. They helped each other up, stumbling over each other’s excuses to leave.
“Wow, look at the time,” said Bergman. “I’d better go get the TV van ready for later.”
At the same time Cassandra said, “I’m going to work on that spell you’ll need to locate the Wizard. Perhaps it will help clear my head. If I could just squeeze one vision out of this fog that will help David . . . ” She trailed off and let Bergman help her from the room.
“They’re good people,” I said as various doors closed behind our consultants.
Too good to be soiled by contact with the likes of us
. I was thinking no more missions for either one for at least six months.
“They are,” Vayl agreed. “And yet, the strength of your feelings is not directed toward them just now. And neither are they positive emotions.”
I pressed my lips together. Maybe if I did it hard enough this whole unpleasant business would go away and we could get on with the assassinating. Or not.
“I am puzzled,” Vayl said with the quirk to his lips that passed for a frown. “I have only just risen. How is it that I have disturbed you so deeply already?”
“Ha, ha, ha.” What a lovely little trill of a laugh I have. When I’m drunk. Otherwise — gag. “You know, I’m just thinking about the, uh, the thing tonight. Getting wound up. Like I usually do. You know me.”
“Yes, I do.” He approached me slowly. As if I might spook at any sudden moves. His brows slanted down. “You and I should be fine. I have rescinded my agreement with Zarsa. I will not try to meet Badu and Hanzi until I am sure they will not be harmed by our reunion. And yet I sense you would cheerfully slam my head against the wall if you thought you could get away with it. Why is that?”
“Uh.” My voice broke. I cleared my throat, which felt far too dry for somebody who’d just downed an entire glass of tea. “Do we really have time for this?” I tapped the face of my watch. “We should be at the cafe in, like —” I checked the time.
Crap! An hour?
How was I going to put him off that long?
Screw it
. I sat down. On the floor. Looked up at him until he sank down in front of me. I was about to rip him a new one over Zarsa. Let him know I didn’t appreciate being the other woman. But some part of me knew that wasn’t the real problem. And when I opened my mouth, that was the bit that spoke up.
“You need to bury your boys,” I said.
Immediately his powers shifted. As if I’d physically threatened him, he raised his abilities the way a boxer will lift his fists. “What do you mean?” he asked, biting off each word as if he wished it were my head. His eyes, which had been their typical relaxed brown, began to darken.
The ghost of my mother rose before me. Not like I’d seen her in hell, but the real-life version. She spread her nicotine-stained fingers like she was holding a plate full of chicken gizzards and screeched,
See? This is why you need to learn to bury your feelings. Never mind how crazy that’ll make you. These conversations never turn out well!
Ignoring her, I plowed on. “You never really grieved. I mean, you went from fury over their deaths, to plotting and pulling off the ultimate revenge. And then, from what I gather, you stepped straight into denial that you might never see them again. You never really mourned. And you definitely never accepted. This whole search has been one long demonstration of how far you’ll go to deny the fact that Badu and Hanzi died. That you lost them. And that it feels horrible.”
“How do you know what I did and did not do?” he snarled. “You were not there. You did not follow me to their graves every night.”
“What did you do there?” I asked mildly. “Did you talk to them about how much you missed them? Or did you promise them vengeance?”
Vayl’s powers tightened up another notch. I didn’t believe he’d freeze me, but I could tell by the look in his eye I’d pushed him about as far as he was willing to go. So I gave him one last shove.
“I need to be able to trust you. Professionally I know I can. But if you want to be with me . . . you need to be with me all the way.”
“This is an ultimatum, then?” he spat, his black eyes sparking red. “Either give up on meeting my boys or forget about us?”
I sighed. “Liliana really did a number on you, didn’t she?” At his wide eyes I said, “I don’t do ultimatums, Vayl. It’s not a this or that deal. You’re going to do what you feel is right. So am I. That’s why they call us adults. And, frankly, I do think you should try to meet the souls that once lived in the bodies of your boys. Someday. After you’ve said goodbye to Hanzi and Badu. When you’ve come to realize that the men you meet in America will not be the teenage Rom you loved beyond words over two hundred years ago. They’ll be grown-ups. Who were raised by men other than you. Men they call Dad.”
Vayl shook his head. Hard. “No. It must not be like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because they are all I have!” He spat the words like they’d been beaten out of him.
“No, Vayl,” I said softly. I let my fingers brush across the top of his hand. Just a touch to remind him of what could be. He shuddered. To be honest, I felt the same. I sucked in a breath. Forced myself to concentrate. I said, “They were all you
