At first it seemed to Sidney that she could not stand this nearness to death. She thought the nurses hard because they took it quietly. Then she found that it was only stoicism, resignation, that they had learned. These things must be, and the work must go on. Their philosophy made them no less tender. Some such patient detachment must be that of the angels who keep the Great Record.
On her first Sunday half-holiday she was free in the morning, and went to church with her mother, going back to the hospital after the service. So it was two weeks before she saw Le Moyne again. Even then, it was only for a short time. Christine and Palmer Howe came in to see her, and to inspect the balcony, now finished.
But Sidney and Le Moyne had a few words together first.
There was a change in Sidney. Le Moyne was quick to see it. She was a trifle subdued, with a puzzled look in her blue eyes. Her mouth was tender, as always, but he thought it drooped. There was a new atmosphere of wistfulness about the girl that made his heart ache.
They were alone in the little parlor with its brown lamp and blue silk shade, and its small nude Eve—which Anna kept because it had been a gift from her husband, but retired behind a photograph of the minister, so that only the head and a bare arm holding the apple appeared above the reverend gentleman.
K. never smoked in the parlor, but by sheer force of habit he held the pipe in his teeth.
“And how have things been going?” asked Sidney practically.
“Your steward has little to report. Aunt Harriet, who left you her love, has had the complete order for the Lorenz trousseau. She and I have picked out a stunning design for the wedding dress. I thought I’d ask you about the veil. We’re rather in a quandary. Do you like this new fashion of draping the veil from behind the coiffure in the back—”
Sidney had been sitting on the edge of her chair, staring.
“There,” she said—“I knew it! This house is fatal! They’re making an old woman of you already.” Her tone was tragic.
“Miss Lorenz likes the new method, but my personal preference is for the old way, with the bride’s face covered.”
He sucked calmly at his dead pipe.
“Katie has a new prescription—recipe—for bread. It has more bread and fewer air-holes. One cake of yeast —”
Sidney sprang to her feet.
“It’s perfectly terrible!” she cried. “Because you rent a room in this house is no reason why you should give up your personality and your—intelligence. Not but that it’s good for you. But Katie has made bread without masculine assistance for a good many years, and if Christine can’t decide about her own veil she’d better not get married. Mother says you water the flowers every evening, and lock up the house before you go to bed. I—I never meant you to adopt the family!”
K. removed his pipe and gazed earnestly into the bowl.
“Bill Taft has had kittens under the porch,” he said. “And the groceryman has been sending short weight. We’ve bought scales now, and weigh everything.”
“You are evading the question.”
“Dear child, I am doing these things because I like to do them. For—for some time I’ve been floating, and now I’ve got a home. Every time I lock up the windows at night, or cut a picture out of a magazine as a suggestion to your Aunt Harriet, it’s an anchor to windward.”
Sidney gazed helplessly at his imperturbable face. He seemed older than she had recalled him: the hair over his ears was almost white. And yet, he was just thirty. That was Palmer Howe’s age, and Palmer seemed like a boy. But he held himself more erect than he had in the first days of his occupancy of the second-floor front.
“And now,” he said cheerfully, “what about yourself? You’ve lost a lot of illusions, of course, but perhaps you’ve gained ideals. That’s a step.”
“Life,” observed Sidney, with the wisdom of two weeks out in the world, “life is a terrible thing, K. We think we’ve got it, and—it’s got us.”
“Undoubtedly.”
“When I think of how simple I used to think it all was! One grew up and got married, and—and perhaps had children. And when one got very old, one died. Lately, I’ve been seeing that life really consists of exceptions— children who don’t grow up, and grown-ups who die before they are old. And”—this took an effort, but she looked at him squarely—“and people who have children, but are not married. It all rather hurts.”
“All knowledge that is worth while hurts in the getting.”
Sidney got up and wandered around the room, touching its little familiar objects with tender hands. K. watched her. There was this curious element in his love for her, that when he was with her it took on the guise of friendship and deceived even himself. It was only in the lonely hours that it took on truth, became a hopeless yearning for the touch of her hand or a glance from her clear eyes.
Sidney, having picked up the minister’s picture, replaced it absently, so that Eve stood revealed in all her pre- apple innocence.
“There is something else,” she said absently. “I cannot talk it over with mother. There is a girl in the ward —”
“A patient?”
“Yes. She is quite pretty. She has had typhoid, but she is a little better. She’s—not a good person.”
“I see.”
“At first I couldn’t bear to go near her. I shivered when I had to straighten her bed. I—I’m being very frank, but I’ve got to talk this out with someone. I worried a lot about it, because, although at first I hated her, now I don’t. I rather like her.”
