ready to cry. She took Charlie into the bedroom instead of setting him on the rug to play. Hildie’s heart began to pound.

“Sit down, honey.” Dad put his hand on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

“Trip couldn’t tell you.”

She started to shake inside as the fear came up and spread. She had read the papers. She hadn’t wanted to believe it. “Tell me what?” She could barely get the words out. The war in Europe had ended. Trip had done his part.

“Trip received his orders. He’s being sent to the South Pacific.”

* * *

Grief-stricken and angry, Hildemara returned to Murietta. Mom and Dad had wanted her to stay with them in Colorado Springs, but she said Bernie and Elizabeth could use her help holding on to the Musashi place. Dad’s eyes had flickered at the Japanese name, but he hadn’t argued.

Settled again, Hildie couldn’t bear to read the newspapers or listen to the radio. At night, Bernie turned it on and she couldn’t get away from it. Casualties mounted as ships were sunk by kamikaze pilots. Each island recaptured cost tens of thousands of lives. And still, Japan with its ancient code of honor refused to surrender. An invasion would come, and estimates ran up to a hundred thousand American soldiers dead to defeat the Japanese on their own soil. How many had already been killed at Normandy or in northern Africa, Italy, and Germany? Millions! Europe had been laid waste by war.

Trip wrote.

Rough seas. Been sick for days. Not much good to anyone.

And how long before his ship reached the shores of Japan and he would be in another beach invasion, the red cross on his white helmet a perfect target for enemy fire?

Mama told her worrying did no good, but Hildie couldn’t seem to stop. She worried over Trip’s ship being hit by a kamikaze. She worried about his ship sinking, leaving him lost at sea, adrift, then drowning or being eaten by sharks. She worried his ship would succeed in reaching Japan or some godforsaken island and he’d step on a land mine and be blasted to bits like poor Eddie Rinckel and a dozen others she knew from school days.

“You’re going to make yourself sick again, Hildemara Rose.” Mama sat at the Musashis’ table, a glass of lemonade in front of her. “You can’t change anything. Your husband will come back or he won’t. Worrying isn’t going to help him. You’ve got to stop moping around like a lost soul, hiding in the house. Elizabeth could use a little more help around here, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Leave me alone, Mama. What do you know about loving someone the way I love Trip?” She regretted the words as soon as they sprang from her mouth.

“Oh. Love. Is that what this is? Love?” Mama sneered. “Looks more like self-pity from where I’m sitting. And a good excuse not to carry your share of the load. Who do you think you are, some duchess? Leaving all the work to Bernie and Elizabeth because your husband made it back from Europe and got sent to the Pacific? You think you’re alone in your misery? Trip would be proud of you, wouldn’t he? Seeing you sitting on your backside at the breakfast table sniveling and letting Elizabeth keep watch over two babies. No. Make that three. Wouldn’t he just love that?”

“Stop it!”

Mama got up and shattered the glass of lemonade in the sink. “No. You stop it! Mein Gott! This is war! The people who give up and give in don’t survive! You know what Papa said about worry. It’s sin, Hildemara! It shows your lack of faith in God! You know what Papa told me before he died? He said every time I felt myself starting to worry, he wanted me to pray. Pray! That’s what I do! Sometimes screaming! I hang on to faith with both fists and pray. It’s harder some days than others, but by heavens, I do it!”

“I’m not you.”

“No. You’re not.” Mama let out her breath. “I didn’t expect you to turn out like me. I just didn’t want to you to be like…”

Caught by the changed tone of her voice, Hildemara looked up. “Like who?”

“Never mind.” She shook her head, her eyes moist. “Sometimes all you can do is pray.” She looked down at Hildemara. “And hope for the best.” She went to the door. “Tell Elizabeth I’m sorry about the glass. I’ll get her another.” She slammed the door behind herself.

Hildemara picked the glass shards out of the sink and threw them away. Putting on her apron, she went out to help Elizabeth weed the garden. She could hear Eddie and Charlie playing in the pen Bernie had set up. Elizabeth glanced up and shaded her eyes. “I saw Mama going in to talk with you. Are you okay?”

“I’ll survive.” She leaned down and ran her hand over Charlie’s head. Whatever happened, she knew for his sake she had to do more than survive.

* * *

On August 6, 1945, America dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Hildie sat with Bernie and Elizabeth listening to the radio. They had heard rumors something big was coming, but had never imagined such destruction possible. “They’ll surrender now.” Bernie felt sure of it.

The Japanese didn’t.

Another bomb fell three days later on Nagasaki after leaflets had been dropped to warn of its coming. Bernie cheered when the Japanese surrendered, as did Hildemara and Elizabeth, dancing around the kitchen while Eddie and Charlie watched with wide eyes, confused at all the ruckus.

Two days later, the Western Defense Command revoked the exclusion orders against Japanese Americans. The Musashis would be coming home soon, but Bernie didn’t seem at all worried about it. He and Elizabeth started making plans to move farther north, closer to Sacramento.

Hildemara received a letter from Trip. His ship would come into San Francisco. He didn’t know what day.

Stay in Murietta. I’ll come to you…

Would he want to go back to Colorado or stay in California? Would he want to start medical school right away? If so, she would have to find a job and help pay his way. But then what would she do about Charles? So many decisions needed to be made. She wouldn’t know anything until Trip came home.

When the phone rang, she ran to catch it.

“Do you know there are no taxis in Murietta?”

“Trip!”

“At least, none that I can find. How’s a civilian supposed to get a ride around here?”

“Where are you?” She sobbed with joy.

“Murietta train station.”

“We’ll be right there!” She ran outside. “Bernie!” For the first time in her life, she wished she had taken Mama’s advice and learned to drive.

On the way to town, Hildemara screamed, “Can’t you go any faster?”

Bernie chuckled. “If I go any faster, we’ll end up in a ditch.” His eyes gleamed with amusement. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to bring Charlie with you.”

“Oh no!” she shrieked. She’d left him alone on the rug! “We’ve got to go back!”

“Forgot him, huh?” Bernie laughed without restraint. “Just left him with the door wide open. He’s probably toddled off someplace. Probably eating sand by now or playing in manure. He could fall into a canal, you know, or get run over. Great mama you turned out to be.”

“Bernie!”

He gave her a shove. “He’s fine, you idiot. Relax! Elizabeth took him out to the garden. He and Eddie are probably yanking on the playpen bars trying to escape. Did you know you forgot to hang up the telephone? You just left poor Trip hanging on a line.”

“What am I going to tell Trip? What’s he going to think of me?”

Bernie laughed. “I doubt he’ll be thinking about anything but getting his hands on his wife again.”

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