Long-Lost Mom

once, a bone-numbing sort of feeling where his body wouldn’t work but his mind whirled.

Richard, he thought, as fury and sadness nearly choked him. Gone. They’d let so much time go by, empty years without talking. Why hadn’t he tried harder, even though Richard had made it so clear he wanted nothing to do with him?

“I’m so sorry,” Cindy whispered, still hunkered between his spread legs, which were now trembling in spite of the fact she was holding him. “What can I do to help, Stone? Anything, just tell me.”

He hardly heard her, for he realized his worst nightmare was coming true.

He’d nearly gotten himself killed this morning, and just that quickly, Sara would have been an orphan. She had little enough family as it was; he was duty bound to let her know the rest of them.

Yet already, it was too late.

She never knew her mother. Now she would never know her uncle.

Life was short, and if he wanted to think about enjoying it ever again, he had to take care of Sara’s future. Now. Before something happened to the rest of it.

“Stone?” Cindy’s hands slid up his thighs, rested on his waist. “Let me help somehow. Please.”

He looked at her through the bleakness of his own misery. “Hold me,” he requested thickly, not waiting for her, but yanking her close. “Hold me and don’t let go.”

Jenna met Kristen that night in Kristen’s condo, which was everything Jenna had expected.

Perfect.

They were seated in the country kitchen, eating at a cute little oak table, surrounded by cream and pale blue accessories that Kristen had made. Cows and chickens and adorable little pigs animated the napkins. Jenna used a finger to wipe at a drop of tea she’d spilled on the bare wood. Glancing up with a horrified expression, she waited for Kristen to admonish her.

Her sister smiled easily, looking not even a little annoyed. Physically she hadn’t changed much in the years since Jenna had last seen her. She was still beautiful. Her hair was still that light blond that Jenna’s had been as a child, and curled down to her shoulders. She was curvy and lush where Jenna was… not, and that age-old green monster reared its head, surprising Jenna.

But for the first time, it was a nice envious feeling, not a stomach-eating one, and it made her feel good. Or it would have if she hadn’t spilled her tea like a clumsy oaf.

“Great tea, isn’t it?” Kristen asked.

“Sorry about the drop here. I-”

“It doesn’t matter, Jenna.” But Kristen looked as if something did matter, and Jenna felt like a stupid clumsy child.

They stared at each other awkwardly.

Kristen inhaled sharply, looked at a point somewhere over Jenna’s head and said, “I just need to come out with it. We can’t go on until I tell you.”

Not sure she wanted to hear, Jenna lifted her chin and prepared to be kicked out.

“I think you should know that I sued Stone for custody of your daughter.”

“What?”

Kristen smiled faintly and rubbed her temples. “It was years ago, right after…Mom died. You’d been gone only a short time and I’d just turned twenty-one. I… God, I missed you, Jenna. And I wanted to make sure Sara was taken care of. At that point she was all I had left.”

“But…” Floored, Jenna just stared at Kristen, trying to imagine how her sister had felt. And, good God, Stone. How had he felt about this final betrayal? “What happened?” she asked hoarsely.

“Stone fought me tooth and nail.” Kristen gave a ghost of a smile, obviously still nervous revealing what she had done. “He won of course. And in a way I did, too.” She smiled at a very stunned Jenna. “I realized through the course of the proceedings how much Stone loved that child, which had been my greatest fear. Sara was, still is, I’m sure, the most important thing in his life. Knowing that, seeing it firsthand, well…I’d changed my mind about wanting to take her away from him long before the verdict came in.”

Jenna had so many emotions swimming through her, she could hardly think. “God, Kristen.”

“There’s more.” Kristen hesitated, and Jenna saw to her amazement that her sure confident sister was fighting tears. “Afterward, Stone offered me visits of Sara whenever I wanted them.” Stricken with the memory, Kristen shoved her hair back and let out a watery sigh. “Can you believe it? I had tried to destroy him more than he’d already been destroyed, and he was that generous.”

“Why didn’t you stay in touch?”

“I couldn’t,” Kristen whispered, shaking her head. “After what I had tried to pull, I was so ashamed. And he had his family…”

“No, he didn’t” Jenna moaned and covered her face. “They disowned him when they found out I was pregnant. He’s been alone with her all this time. I can’t believe how long I stayed away. I regret that so much, it’s all I can think about. Oh, Kristen… the things I’ve done.”

“We’ve done,” Kristen corrected her, then spoke firmly. “And it’s not too late for you. You could go to him-”

Jenna laughed, a high hysterical laugh that she had to cover her mouth to stop. “You’re not the only one with a confession to make.”

She told Kristen of what she’d done, how she’d come back to town and was now… Cindy Beatty.

“You have to tell him the truth,” Kristen insisted.

“How exactly do you suggest I do that?” Jenna asked desperately. “I’ve lied by omission. We’ve become friends. Friends, Kristen, and oh, my God, that means so much to me, I’m tempted to lie forever.”

“You can’t.”

“I know, I know. I can’t because I want Sara to know the truth. I want her in my life. But how do I tell him I’ve deceived him yet again? And now, knowing your past and his, he’ll think it’s just another attempt to get Sara away from him.”

Kristen’s shoulders sagged. Both women slumped, defeated.

Jenna took another sip of tea and spilled another drop on the pretty table. She jerked up her napkin, but it seemed too pretty to use. Uncertain, her hand hovered over the table.

“Jenna,” her sister said, laughing, “it’s a table, for God’s sake. It’s meant for spills. So is that napkin you’re staring at in horror.” She sobered as she regarded a very nervous Jenna. “What’s the matter? I mean, I realize we haven’t seen each other in forever, but you’re so…jumpy. Like you’re just waiting for me to get upset over something.”

“I…” Jenna broke off with a sigh, biting back her apology. She felt as though she was always apologizing for something, and it had to stop.

Didn’t it?

She scrubbed at the spot on the table as if her life depended on it.

Kristen laid a hand on hers, stilling the movement.

“I love the way you look,” Kristen said gently when Jenna didn’t say anything. “Is that it, honey? Are you upset about that? You’re beautiful, now more than ever.”

“I was never beautiful.” But she was now and she knew it. Her mirror told her it was true. But it seemed strange to be so suddenly pretty. “And I have scars.”

“They’re nothing, considering what you’ve been through, and besides, they’re hardly noticeable the way you put your makeup on.”

“It’s not the way I look.” Though Jenna hadn’t gotten quite used to seeing herself. She still gave a start whenever she saw her reflection in the mirror.

“What then?”

“You’re different,” Jenna said in a low voice, avoiding her sister’s gaze. “Friendlier, which is really nice,” she hurried on to say, but it was too late.

Kristen stiffened, then slowly straightened, dropping her hand to her lap. “I see what it is,” she said quietly. “You’re thinking about how it used to be, how we never got along because I was always trying…”