Long-Lost Mom

“Not enough,” Jenna admitted, stretching her shoulders and gesturing her inside. “Want a job?”

Her sister came the rest of the way in and checked out the office, which was still being set up. Stepping carefully over an empty box, she plopped down into a plush chair. “What do you have?”

“A head-chef job, two full-charge bookkeeping positions and a dental tech.”

“Can’t cook, wouldn’t work an adding machine if you put a gun to my head, and I have a phobia of dentists.”

Jenna laughed, the first time in a couple of days. It felt good. “Good thing you make enough money cutting hair.”

“Designing hair, darling. So…you tell him yet?”

“Who?”

It was a blatant attempt to stall for time, which Kristen didn’t go for. “Hon,” she said, shaking her head, “not good.”

Jenna dropped her face into her hands. “Oh, Kris.”

“You have to, you know.”

Of course her sister thought she should tell Stone who she really was. Any normal person would urge her to.

But any normal person couldn’t possibly know what Jenna had done, how she’d furthered her lies with the ultimate deceit.

“Jenna.”

Her sister was trying to help. She’d called often. According to Kristen, this was going to be a regular thing in their lives from now on.

They were going to have meals together when they could. They were going to spend time with each other, lots of it.

They were going to be, for the first time in their lives, true sisters. Jenna couldn’t begin to tell Kristen how much it meant to know they would be family, together no matter what. It was what she’d wanted all along, what she’d been afraid to hope for.

But somehow she didn’t feel quite the overwhelming joy she’d expected. And the reason for that only made her feel worse. Kristen didn’t ask questions; she just accepted Jenna as she was.

But Kristen didn’t know, couldn’t know, that Jenna hadn’t changed all that much. She was still lying, dammit, and now she couldn’t stop.

That Kristen was so happy to be back in Jenna’s life just fed the guilt.

“Tell him,” Kristen urged. “It’ll be hard, but you’ll do it. It’ll work out. You’ll see.”

Feeling like crying, Jenna shook her head. “Can’t.”

“Sure you can. You have to.”

“I know I have to.” Jenna flopped back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. “It’s just that there are…mitigating circumstances.”

Kristen laughed. “Mitigating circumstances? Of course there are! You’ve been on the run for years, scared away from home by a mother unable to show her love and-” She broke off so awkwardly that Jenna lifted her head and stared at her in surprise.

Kristen chewed on her lip, looking characteristically uncomfortable.

“And what?” Jenna inquired, frowning. “The fact that I was a complete jerk? You can say it, you know.” She forced a smile and relaxed back against the chair. “It’s certainly true enough, isn’t it?”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Kristen’s voice was low, a little hesitant And again Jenna stared.

Kristen eyes were full of apology. And worry. “It’s just that we’ve still not talked about it. And we should.”

“it?”

“You know.”

And suddenly Jenna understood they were no longer talking about things she’d done, but what had been done to her. The abrupt shift of subject made her dizzy. Sick.

Or maybe it was just the subject matter.

Shame and acute embarrassment hit her. “Oh. You mean, that.”

“Yeah,” Kristen said softly. “That.”

“Forget it.” Jenna certainly wished she could. It had been the last straw in her out-of-control life. Squeezing her eyes shut, Jenna tried not to think about it, but the memories surfaced, anyway.

Her mother’s anger, fueled by a sick jealousy of Rand Ridgeway’s attention.

Jenna’s own belief that she somehow deserved it.

Stone’s unflagging trust, terrifying her all the more.

He’d loved her, really loved her, and she had been completely incapable of accepting that. As a result she’d done everything in her power to destroy her and Stone’s relationship, just to prove she hadn’t been worthy of it.

In the end she’d destroyed far more than just herself, taking both Stone and Sara down with her.

Finally, unable to do anything else, she’d given up and run.

“Oh, Jenna, I’m so sorry.” Kristen pulled Jenna out of her chair, brought her to the couch and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry, honey. Had you forgotten? I didn’t mean to make you remember such awful things.”

“No, it’s all right. And I certainly hadn’t forgotten.” She wasn’t likely to ever forget. Rand holding her down with hot hurtful hands, forcing her to kiss his cruel mouth. In the few times she’d attempted a physical relationship since, her memories had ruined it for her.

But not with Stone. When she’d been with him, there’d been no room for anyone else.

Kristen held her hand. “About Stone. I really think he’ll understand. You were going through such a terrible nightmare. And on top of that you somehow believed you deserved it.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jenna protested, unable to see herself as so pathetic.

“Wasn’t it?”

They looked at each other until Jenna was forced to nod. “Yes, okay. Maybe I did feel responsible in some sick way for what happened with Rand. I dressed wild, I acted wild. Maybe I asked for it-”

“No,” Kristen said firmly. “No one asks for that. Honey, listen. Everyone adored Rand, still do. It wasn’t your fault they didn’t believe you.”

“But I don’t know if Stone can forgive-”

“If anyone can,” Kristen promised, “Stone can.”

Her sister looked so certain Jenna could only wish she felt as positive. “I left him alone with our baby, Kristen. Nothing and no reminding him of what happened there is going to change that.”

“You don’t give yourself or him enough credit. Things are different now. You aren’t that same scared little girl anymore. You had a car accident, one in which you should have died, but didn’t, and it gave you an epiphany.”

“Yes, not to mention a huge headache and quite a medical bill. It doesn’t change what I did. Or what Stone will say when he’s done laughing me out of here.” Dropping her head into her hands, she ran her fingers through her cropped hair. “I’m just so tired of making a mess out of my life.”

“Hush,” Kristen said, leaping up to pace. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself while I’m thinking.”

“Well, stop thinking so loudly.”

Kristen grinned at her, dispelling some of their mutual misery. “God, if nothing else, it’s good to have you back. Damn good.”

Jenna smiled at her sister. “Yeah, it’s good to be back.”

“Stone will feel the same, you know.”

“Not now that we’ve-I mean, we…in his office…” She covered her face again.

“Jenna,” Kristen said slowly, eyes wide. “Tell me you didn’t… Jenna! Why aren’t you telling me?”

“God, I’m such an idiot,” Jenna groaned.

“How did this happen? Never mind,” Kristen added sardonically when Jenna lifted her head and gave her sister a long look. “Obviously I realize the logistics. But-”

“Don’t ask.” Misery overwhelmed Jenna. “It’s done, and he still thinks I’m Cindy Beatty.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”