Out of This World

“Hello?” Kellan called out, his voice louder and surer than mine. “Anyone home?”

“Yo, dude. In the kitchen.”

Kellan raised a brow so that it vanished beneath the hair falling into his eyes. That voice had come from an entirely different direction than the door closing upstairs. The voice was also Los Angeles, specifically San Fernando Valley, spoken in the slow, purposeful voice of a career slacker.

Kellan took my hand, a gesture for which I felt very grateful as we entered the house of horror. We stepped over the threshold into a large reception room with scarred wooden floors and scattered throw rugs, none of which matched. A giant moose head hung over the stone fireplace, its glassy-eyed stare seeming to pierce right through me. The windows were covered with lace slightly yellowed with time. The huge, L-shaped, chocolate leather couch and two beat-up leather recliners looked extremely well lived-in.

Spartan, but actually quite homey, even cozy, and somehow not nearly as bad as I’d imagined standing on the porch looking up at those two ghosts…

“You coming, or what?” asked the slacker voice.

Kel and I looked at each other, then moved through the large room and into a kitchen that smelled like wood smoke and spicy tea. This room was painted a bright, sunny yellow and white, also far more cheerful than the outside had let on. The ceiling was light pine siding, with copper pots hanging from the slats. There were also a few huge plants, green and thriving in a way that made me want to grab a paintbrush and a canvas.

But best yet, there was a large woodstove, lit and sending off a wave of warmth, which drew me like moth to flame.

There was a humongous oak table in the center of the room, and on it sat a large vase filled with fresh wildflowers, which gave off a scent that I imagined I would have smelled in the woods if I hadn’t been too busy whining all the way up here to notice.

The counters held various appliances and, most interestingly, a guy sitting Indian-style, facing away from us.

He grabbed our attention immediately. He wore a pair of army green cargo pants, a white thermal top and a wool hat with tassels that hung down and swung beneath each ear like earrings. His hands were in front of him, out of sight, but I feared he was cradling a bong as he stared out the window. “Ohhhmmm,” he sang.

Kellan craned his neck, and glanced at me. Nutso, his eyes said. I shot him a pacifying look.

“Um, hello?” I said.

Nutso-er, the man-slowly turned, and looked at us with eyes the color of light milk chocolate dotted with gold specks of mischief.

He was maybe thirty, with shaggy brown hair and a silly, crooked smile that was somehow contagious. And he wasn’t holding a bong, as I’d feared, but had his hands out in front of him with the palms together, in a yoga position.

“You’re Rachel Wood,” he said, hopping down off the counter, revealing a tall, athletic form. “The new boss here at Hideaway.”

I’d never been called a boss before-I was barely my own boss-so the greeting threw me for a loop.

“And you are?” Kellan asked him.

“Oh!” He shot us an amused grin. “Sorry. I’m Axel.”

When we both looked at him blankly, he said, “Expedition leader here at Hideaway.”

Kellan introduced himself while I chewed on the fact that I was “the boss.”

“Did you know Rachel was coming up here today?” Kellan asked Axel.

He shook his head. “Nah. When Gertrude’s attorney sent us the money she left us, he told us about her, that’s all. Said she was L.A. all the way, an artist, who’d be showing up eventually to see what’s what and then heading back to her murals in the city.”

I didn’t catch much of what he said after “the money she left us,” and I shook my head. “Wait. So you got something in the will?” I hadn’t even seen the will; I’d only spoken to the attorney on the phone.

“Well, of course,” Axel said. “I’m going to take a nice vacation. Somewhere warm, of course. I’m thinking Virgin Islands. Maybe the Caymans, depending on the surf reports, you know?”

Did I know? No, I didn’t know. I knew nothing. In fact, I knew less than nothing.

“Oh, and dudette, now that you’re here,” Axel went on, “you’ve got some back wages to pay.”

“But, what if I’d never shown up?” I asked, overwhelmed.

“Well, of course you were going to show up.” He smiled that smile that normally I’d consider contagious and return full force, but I couldn’t smile back right now because anxiety was gripping me.

“You’re Gert’s niece, aren’t you?” He chuckled, and the long tassels on his beanie swayed back and forth. “Probably just as organized and anal as she was, right?”

I smiled weakly. If he only knew…“I’ve been calling”-I tried to sound as if I was in control, when I was so not-“but I couldn’t get through.”

“Yeah. We lost the phone a while back.”

“We?”

“Marilee’s here somewhere, too. She’s the cook and housekeeper. You owe her some back wages as well.”

This just got better and better, didn’t it?

“We just heard her shut a door upstairs,” I said.

“Nope. She’s out back watering her flowers. As for getting a hold of us, you can text me on my cell, though I mostly don’t have any reception up here.” He patted his pocket, found it empty, frowned, then patted another pocket.

And yet another.

Still came up empty, not that he looked too troubled. “I had the thing earlier,” he murmured. His tassels hit him in the face as he bent, slapping at his pants.

“I also sent an e-mail,” I said.

“Yeah, not so good with the computer, dudette. Sorry.” Giving up on finding his cell, he turned away to grab a steaming mug off the counter.

“If there’s no phone, and no one is manning the Web site, how do potential guests make reservations?” I asked.

He blinked, then scratched his head, as he sipped at his drink. “Dunno. Gertrude used to do that.”

The woman had been buried for three weeks. A really bad feeling began to work its way through my system. “So no one’s been handling the business since she-”

“Well, I keep meaning to find that phone…”

Three weeks with no income, and yet the staff had been working. That seemed like unnecessary out-of-pocket expenses to me.

My pocket.

“Well,” Axel said, heading for the door, “time for my nooner.”

I had no idea what he meant, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. “But it’s past noon,” I said, looking at the small cuckoo clock on the counter. “It’s nearly four o’clock.”

Not seeming too concerned-and I had my doubts that he could get concerned about anything, even if his life depended on it-he shrugged. “You know what they say,” he said in that slow voice. “Better late than never.”

“Yeah. So who’s upstairs?”

“No one.”

“But-”

“Relax, Rachel Wood.” He accompanied this with a pat on my shoulder. “You’re here now, in God’s country. Just take it easy.”

Easier said than done.

“Time stands still here, dudette.” His smile widened. “Everything’s good.”

And with that, he was gone.

“Probably misplaced his crack pipe,” I said into the silence.

“I think it’s more a bong-type love affair,” Kellan said, and looked around. “Truth is, this place isn’t as bad as