“That’s good.” She sucked in her breath and slowly straightened. “Listen, Cade, I came to tell you I…”
His gaze slammed into hers again, so intense that she couldn’t think. Waves of desire crashed through her, wedging the air in her throat. Dear God, how she loved this man. “I, uh…”
“What?” His eyes narrowed, the heat only slightly banked.
Her pulse tripped, then sprinted through her veins. “I wanted to tell you, I…”
She stopped and dragged in a breath. She had to get a grip. She was mucking this all up, not even making sense.
Then the tour group wandered past, staring and smiling at Cade, and stopped on the nearby sidewalk. The tour guide joined them, and the visitors clustered around, eager to hear about the smokejumper life.
“Why don’t we sit in the shade?” Cade suggested.
“Good idea.” She didn’t want an audience when she bared her soul.
“I’ll take your bag,” he said.
“I can handle it.”
“I know.”
His gaze met hers, and his mouth slid into a grin. That sexy, soul-pounding grin. The thumping of her pulse grew faster.
“Thanks.” She handed him the bag.
They walked silently across the road toward a small, shaded park, Dusty trotting between them. A picnic table sat under a cottonwood tree, near the antique lookout display. The parking lot bordered one side, the frontage road another, partially sheltering them from prying eyes.
She lowered herself to the bench, facing the road. Cade sat down beside her, and she propped her crutches against the table. Dusty dropped to the grass at their feet.
She reached down again and scratched the dog’s ears, wondering how to begin. He swished his tail along the grass and licked her hand, and a spurt of warmth mellowed her heart. At least he had a better life.
But would she?
Her heart trembling, she sat back. This was it, the moment of truth. She dragged in her breath and met his gaze. “I came here because I was hoping that we, that maybe…I mean, I know I don’t deserve it, but I love you and…” Her breath hitched. “Oh, God, Cade-”
“Jordan.” His deep voice stopped her.
He reached over and picked up her hand, and the air in her lungs stalled. He cradled her hand in his bigger one, his rough calluses tingling the skin around her bandage. Scars branched from his fingers to his forearm, testimony to years spent working in the forests. His tendons flexed with power and strength.
How could she have ever doubted that she could depend on this man?
“I was just heading out to look for you,” he said.
“You were?” Her heart abruptly lost its rhythm.
“Yeah.” He stared at their joined hands. He stroked her wrist with his thumb, sending shivers along her nerves, then threaded his lean fingers with hers. “I wanted to ask you for another chance.”
Her heart stuttered. Her pulse made a long, hard beat through her skull, then hammered in her ears.
He still wanted her. Tears swelled in her eyes, and she blinked to clear them away.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her throat so cramped she could barely speak. “I was such a fool. And I messed everything up.”
A sad, tight smile twisted his lips, and he tightened his grip on her hand. “I’m the one who should apologize. You were right, what you said before. I should have talked to you more. And I did care too much about my job.”
He released her hand and shifted to face her. She hardly breathed as he traced the bruise along her cheek, his rough, warm fingers sparking on her skin.
“I plan to quit if you’ll take me back,” he said.
Her lungs ceased. The world around them slanted. “You’d do that for me?” she gasped. “You’d really quit your job?”
“Yeah.” He lowered his hand and switched his gaze to the road. A motorcycle passed, its reverberations fading as it headed toward the mountains.
When the noise died out, he sighed. “It took me a while, but I finally figured it out. When I first started smokejumping, I wanted to prove that I could do it, that I belonged here. That I could succeed in this world. But I don’t need that anymore.”
His gaze met hers. “Don’t get me wrong. I like the work, the bros, but the job’s not everything to me anymore. I can be happy doing something else.”
He tugged her hand into his. “I love you, Jordan. I missed you so damned much. And I don’t want to lose you again. You matter more than any job.”
A sob rose in her throat. Her heart swelled with an ache so huge that she could barely speak. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” she whispered. It was what she’d always wanted, what she’d dreamed. “But I don’t want you to quit.”
“Jordan-”
“No, listen.” She shook his hand loose, and swiped at her brimming eyes with her sleeve. “I’ve thought about this a lot, about my childhood. How I spent years watching those ships disappear, looking out to sea.
“And I thought about our marriage. About how lonely I was and especially what I did wrong, like not making friends.
“And I asked myself whether, honestly, I could do it again, whether I could survive that lifestyle this time. And I realized I could.”
“Jordan-”
“No, wait.” She needed him to understand. “Remember how I told you about my job, about the elderly people I work with? How they aren’t afraid of dying? They don’t focus on the negative part, on the short time they have left. They celebrate what they do have, their moments together, and they live each day as a gift.
“And maybe I won’t like having you gone in the summer, but it won’t bother me like it did before.” She would have her work to fill her time, dogs to rescue, and maybe someday, another child.
She shrugged. “I don’t know why it seemed so hard before. Maybe we just didn’t talk enough. Maybe I was too young, and I didn’t really know who I was.
“But I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m stronger.”
“Yeah.” He stroked the line of her jaw, scorching her with his heat. “But I still don’t mind changing jobs.”
“I know. And maybe someday you should. But I fell in love with a smokejumper.” She understood that now. It was part of his identity, who he was, a man who risked his life to fight fires. She held his gaze. “And I don’t want you to change who you are.”
His gaze sizzled into hers, sparking that hot, slow burn in her blood. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“So you’ll marry me again?”
“Oh, yes.” He had her heart and soul forever. “And this time, I’m here to stay.”
Jill Shalvis
Alison Roberts
