“She said that?” Alec asked, the question escaping before he thought.
“Oh, yes, that very night.” Wells grimaced. “In the same conversation where she made me give my word. I vowed to-” he shifted to an obvious quote, “
Calum raised his eyebrows. “She threatened you?”
“Worse. She cried.”
“Ah.” Calum sighed. “She might as well cut your heart out with that knife of hers; it would hurt less.”
Wells nodded, his eyes on the far wall. “I’ve never broken my word in my life, and at my age, I’m not about to start. Your people have nothing to fear from me.”
“Or anyone else?” Calum asked.
“At the moment, there is no interest and no information about you that I can discover.” Wells moved his shoulders. “How long that might last is not up to me.”
“Good enough,” Alec said.
“I do have one remaining question,” Calum said dryly. “Do you happen to know where we can find our lifemate?”
“No. I don’t.” Wells’ face turned bleak. “I haven’t been able to locate her either.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
Her paws took her south, and the rest of her agreed with the destination. She wasn’t sure exactly how long she’d been in the forest now. The first week or so seemed a blur. Every time she’d change back to human, all the pain would return, and she’d simply kneel and cry like some abandoned baby.
But her grief had slowly eased, and now she’d shift to human during the day, sit in the sun, and think. Over the days, she worked through her choices.
She had a real tactical problem-how to keep the Daonain from killing her-that couldn’t be solved until she answered the tougher question:
Oh, tough decision. She was a damned brave soldier. Yeah, shoot her to pieces, even kill her?
But risk her heart?
Could she?
The safest choice was to stay away. Live as an outlaw in the forests, or stay in the human world and hide her animal half. She could manage. Wells would help, even move her to a far-away country if needed. She’d lived undercover for years. Nothing new.
Or she could return. So, so much scarier. The physical risk: she could die, and -even worse-Alec or Calum might be the ones who killed her. Yeah, ugly outcome. But death was nothing new.
What really scared her spitless was the thought of fighting for the life-the love-she wanted. Of opening herself up to being hurt emotionally. Because-she took a hard breath-those two men could hurt her worse than even dying.
If it had been someone besides Calum and Alec in that restaurant, would she have run when Wells made her look like a traitor?
If it hadn’t been her lovers treating her like the bad guy in the farmhouse, would she have given up so easily? Or would she have told Wells to leave and stayed to battle it out?
With anyone else, she’d beat the crap out of them if they judged her without giving her a chance to speak. No matter how fucking overwhelming the evidence was. But because it was Alec and Calum, she’d caved, making herself look all the more guilty.
Why?
Because she didn’t believe she deserved their love. Or the life they wanted to give her. Her stupid little subconscious had decided that no one could really love her enough to listen and work things out. After all, they must know how unworthy she was, how damaged.
Her subconscious needed to get its ass kicked.
But it had taken a while to see the idiocy of her behavior and then to admit that Alec and Calum really did love her. She hadn’t put on an act. They knew her well. Maybe not her whole background, but definitely her personality, flaws and all. They loved all of her as she did them.
And she wanted them-everything-back again.
So she’d headed south. Best case scenario: they’d let her explain. They’d understand-and maybe even apologize for jumping to conclusions-and take her home. She’d love them and Jamie and…her chest went tight…and someday, might perhaps have a baby with them. Or a litter.
Worst case: she’d die.
She’d come up with a plan: walk her ass into the center of Cold Creek, create a scene-considering she’d lack any clothing, that shouldn’t be difficult-and demand to talk with Calum and Alec. They couldn’t kill a naked woman in front of the town, not when a whole bunch of the spectators would be human.
And she’d stand there and-quietly-tell them everything. What she had and hadn’t done, how she hadn’t known what to do, about how Wells had given his word and that she’d kill him personally if he broke it. Not that he ever would, but they couldn’t know that. She’d promise to give them a ka-zillion babies if that’s what they wanted. She’d beg forgiveness.
So walk right into the firing zone, make herself a target, and hope for the best. One major invitation-to-disaster plan. But hey, even Wells might have trouble figuring a way out of
She leaped over a fallen log, scented a rabbit and paused, then continued. She was getting closer, she knew it. Sometime last night, a feeling had arisen in her, a sensation of being home, as if she’d been cold and someone wrapped a warm blanket around her. Each touch of her paws to the earth repeated that.
This shifter shit is sure weird.
She lifted her muzzle, checked the scent of the early morning air. It even smelled like the right mountains, and the thought made her lope forward, her pace increasing and-
Her hind leg was caught in a heavy iron trap. She trawsfurred, then grunted as the metal teeth dug deeper into more tender human flesh. Fucking-A, that hurt. Mouth tight, she examined the trap. The sucker was huge, made of heavy steel. And those teeth were a real pisser. The bleeding wasn’t too good either.
After managing to stand, she pushed down on the jaws with all her strength. Not enough weight. She tried again and again, and then slid back down to the ground. She couldn’t open the damn thing. And nothing lay within reach to use to pry the teeth apart.
Could she yank it loose and carry it with her?
A few minutes later, she gave that one up. The hunter had pounded the anchor stakes so far into the frozen ground, they didn’t budge at all.
Shifting back into cat form, she lay down and watched her blood turn the snow red. Dammit, in her few-and- far-between prayers, she had specifically requested a go-out-in-a-blaze-of-glory death.
This was so not it.