outside of a club or party, which meant he’d never needed to explain himself.
Kallie had changed everything. “I’d like to explain…” His mind blanked.
Shifting, she rested her forearms on his chest, setting her chin on her arms. He couldn’t even see her eyes, and for a moment, his mind substituted the memory of Mimi’s lifeless brown eyes, and then those of the missing hiker. He swallowed against a wave of nausea.
“Jake.” Her voice-husky and not Mimi’s-dragged him back. “If you want to tell me something, just spit it out.” Tough little sub.
“You know I lived with a woman a couple of years ago. Mimi. She was submissive.”
“The one who looked like me. I remember.”
“She started dating me after breaking up with someone else. When she learned about the lifestyle, it fitted her like a glove. She wanted to be a slave. To have a master.”
“So not my thing,” Kallie said under her breath.
“No. You’re more of a sexual submissive. You want to be dominated now and then. She wanted-needed-it all the time.”
“You were her master?”
“Yes.” He huffed a hard laugh. “I enjoyed it at first, having her anticipate my every need, letting me decide everything. But I’m not cut out to be a full-time master.”
She made a noise.
“It’s tiring, Kallie. I’m a sexual dominant, and I don’t want to decide how a sub lives every minute of her day. I don’t want to make important decisions for someone else. Advise and recommend, yes. Order her to attend college? Hell no.”
“Huh. I never thought of it like that.”
“When I dom, it’s a balancing act, judging a sub’s wants and needs against my desires. You need a good handle on both because-as you’ve seen-I have the right to shut you up completely. But to do that all the time is exhausting. I have friends, both slave and master, who love it. It fulfills them. It didn’t me.”
“But it did Mimi,” Kallie said softly. The understanding in her voice shook him. Why didn’t she yell? Cry?
“Yes.” His stomach cramped. “When I uncollared her, she was…”
“
The rest of the story. The part that filled him with the same despair Mimi must have felt.
“Oh fuck.”
The husky curse splintered his thoughts. “What?”
“I’m sorry, Jake. That must have been horrible-for you both.”
“A little more for her, don’t you think?”
“Well, no. She took the easy way out; you had to go on living.”
It felt as if Kallie had slapped him. “It was my fault.”
She snorted. “Did you take responsibility for all her successes too or only the failures?”
“I-” Something in that sounded important, but it didn’t matter. Not to what they were talking about. “It was my fault, Kallie, and I won’t get involved with anyone else. So…”
“So back off. Clear enough.” She sat up, leaving his chest cold. “You know, Hunt, I’m not sure I get it. Either you figure every woman is as cowardly as your girlfriend, or you’re too much of a pussy to risk anything, because-I hate to tell you, dude-nobody gets out of this life alive. There’s no guarantee when somebody kicks off. Are you planning to spend your whole life alone, or are there a certain number of years you have to go before you’ve served your sentence?”
She grabbed her bundle of clothing and walked out into the blackness before dawn.
As she pulled on her clothes across the clearing, she heard the scuffle of boots in the dirt and saw the darkness of Jake’s form against the lighter tent. He didn’t call for her, didn’t look for her. He simply left. As the sound of his footsteps faded, she blinked hard, forcing back hot tears. Damned if she’d act as if he meant something to her. Even if he did.
Unable to stay in camp, she walked through the gray light to a high lookout point. As she dropped down to sit on the granite rock, the sun glowed behind the eastern mountains, turning the peaks pink with an outline of gold as if a child had run a yellow marker across the top.
Sunrise. Her favorite time, filled with anticipation of the coming day. Light winning out over darkness. New beginnings.
Dawn wasn’t supposed to be for
In the valley below, thick fog submerged the tall trees in an ugly gray. The way she felt right now, she might as well be down there, smothered in darkness. Hands clenched, she shoved the hurt deep inside her and smothered it in her own way, pulling imaginary tendrils of fog over it until the pain dulled. She knew how to handle loss.
Wrapping her arms around her legs, she set her chin on her knees and watched the sky brighten and the day begin.
Chapter Ten
Logan had shown a hell of a lot more understanding yesterday, Jake thought as he slapped a container of worms, a six-pack of beer, ice, and sandwich fixings onto the grocery counter.
Whipple rang them up. “Fishing?”
“For a few days.” Jake pulled out a couple of twenties.
“Is Kallie going along?”
The unexpected sound of her name hit him like an icy blade, stabbing upward from his gut into his chest. “No.”
His face must have shown something, for a spiteful smile warped Whipple’s face. “She figured you out, didn’t she? Dumped you on your ass.”
Not waiting for his change, Jake walked out. After putting the ice and beer into his cooler, he got in his truck and pulled away from the curb. In the doorway of the grocery, Whipple watched, still smiling.
A few hours later, Jake shoved open the door to their small fishing cabin. He and Logan had bought the place when Jeremy Ackers had a stroke and his family had forced him to sell. They rented it out now and then, and when not occupied, the lonely spot on the river was a great place to escape.
