the divorce. Both J. J. and I will be away. You'll be all alone. I hate to even think of it.'
'Well, don't, then, honey,' Nora said. 'I'm going to learn how to operate a computer, and then I'm going to check over at the community college to see if they have a course or a seminar about getting into the work force for the first time for old broads.'
'Ma! You are not an old broad,' Jill said, but she was laughing. 'Does this mean Daddy isn't paying you alimony? I can't believe it!'
'Jill, we haven't settled anything yet, but I don't want to take money from your father any longer than I have to take it. I want to be useful in another capacity from the one in which I have been. I married your father right out of college. I'm a dinosaur in this day and age. A woman who never worked. It's past time, and I'm kind of excited thinking about it.'
'And you might meet another man,' Jill said slyly.
'I don't think so,' Nora replied.
'Oh, Ma, do you still love Daddy that much?' Jill asked.
'I'm afraid I don't love your father at all, honey,' Nora responded. 'I probably haven't for some time. I just didn't realize it. I went about doing the same things year after year. I wasn't unhappy, but neither was I happy. I want an opportunity to live on my own now, but I'll always be here for you and J. J. to come home to, Jill.'
'I gotta go now, Ma,' Jill said. 'I've got a class. I love you!'
'And I love you, Jill. I'll see you for your brother's graduation, okay?'
'Yeah. Bye, Ma!'
'Bye, sweetie!' And the phone clicked off. Nora set it down. She looked out the kitchen windows into her backyard. The pool was open. The bright scarlet rhododendrons were in full bloom, as were the pink azaleas. The lawn was a deep green, but it needed mowing. She'd have J. J. do it before the weekend. The lawn always grew so quickly in the spring.
And then suddenly Nora began to consider if this was the last spring she would sit here and look out at her backyard. She had designed the layout of the garden herself. Worked with Mr. Handlemann to oversee the plantings all those years ago. It was so perfect, and she wasn't ready yet to give this all up to strangers. Whatever happens, she thought grimly, I am going to keep this house. Jeff is not going to sell it so he can buy his damned co-op for some other woman! Let him take a mortgage. If he wants to play, he's got to pay. I deserve my home. All he did was pay a mortgage. He never told me, but his mother did. He didn't save the money for the down payment. His father gave him the ten percent, and my father gave him the other ten percent. I made this house what it is. It's mine! I won't let him take it from me! And then she began to cry. She wept herself into a small headache before her tears finally subsided. Nora got up and, walking into the powder room, grabbed a handful of tissues and blew her nose. Then she washed her face. J. J. would be home from school soon, and she didn't want him to catch her crying.
I need Kyle, she thought again. How am I going to access The Channel if my son is upstairs doing his homework? But if someone walked into the den while I was in The Channel, what would they see? She had absolutely no idea. She had to take the chance, and it had to be tonight. Then she laughed softly. The Channel was like some sort of drug, and she was hooked. She went back into the kitchen, called Suburban Cable, and ordered The Channel for this evening. She could go on it anytime. She'd wait until J. J. was fast asleep, and she'd keep the sound on mute. And having made that decision, she felt better. A whole lot better. She let herself think about Kyle's hard young body. His big tireless dick. The mouth that kissed so well, sucking on her lips, her nipples, and her clit. She could almost taste him in her mouth, and felt herself suddenly wet with need. The sound of J. J.'s car screeching into the driveway drew her swiftly from her reverie.
She got up, and with a familiarity borne of habit, she opened the fridge and pulled out a soda, setting it on the table. Then, going to a pantry cabinet, she got out a bag of his favorite cheese crunchies. She smiled, remembering that as kids, her children had had to eat those damned cheese things in the kitchen, and then wash their hands before going anywhere else in the house. She had learned that after finding yellow cheesy fingerprints on the living room couch.
'Hey!' J. J. came into the kitchen, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the cheese crunchies and soda. Pulling the bag open, he stuffed some in his mouth, then opened the can, drinking some of it down immediately.
'Hey,' Nora said back at him. 'Sit down. We have to talk.'
'What's up, Ma?' he asked her.
'Rick came by earlier. I gave him a sandwich, and we talked. Daddy's lawyer is a tough guy, and it looks pretty bad right now, but Rick says it's just negotiating tactics.'
'How bad? And Ma, remember I'm eighteen now. You don't have to soften it for me like you do with Jill,' J. J. told his mother.
'You may not be able to go to college this year,' Nora began. 'Dad says he's through paying. He paid Jill's first year at Duke Law, but after that, she's got to get aid. He says he won't pay for your first year at State, and it's too late for us to go for aid. Grandma's already shelled out fifteen thousand dollars to help us. I just don't know if I can ask her for more, and you can't pitch a tent on campus.'
'What happened to my college fund? The one he was always shoving in our faces every Christmas morning, and bragging about?' J. J. wondered.
'Those papers he asked you to sign a couple of months ago, right after your eighteenth birthday?'
'Yeah, something about taxes,' J. J. said.
'That's where the money went,' Nora said.
'You mean he stole our college funds?' J. J. was outraged.
'Well, honey, it was his money, after all,' Nora began.
'Oh, crap, Ma! Don't defend him. Please don't defend him! Every efffing Christmas for as long as I can remember he was waving the year-end statement at us, and saying how we'd never have to leave college with a lot of debt. That his father did it for him, and he was doing it for us. What a scam! Where's the money gone?'
'I don't know,' Nora lied. 'Maybe it's just one of those legal negotiating tactics that Rick says we're going to see a lot of, honey.'
'I'm going to lose my soccer scholarship if I don't go this year. They're not going to hold a sports scholarship until I can come.'
'Well, he has paid your sister's first year at law school,' Nora reminded her son.
'Yeah, he would. Jill was always his favorite,' J. J. said almost bitterly. 'And think of the bragging rights he's got. 'My daughter is at Duke Law.' He's probably yapped about it so much already that he couldn't not pay. He knows Jill will get the moneys she needs for her other two years. Besides, it actually isn't costing him any more than if she'd done her undergrad work in four years instead of three. He's always been a cheapskate, Ma, and you know it. Damn! What the hell am I going to do?'
'J. J., you wanted the truth, and I've told you the truth,' Nora said. 'We will find a way, I promise you. But there's more, honey. My car's lease is almost up, and I can't afford to buy it. It has to go back to the dealership. Your car is about to become the family car. I'm sorry. Daddy won't buy the car for me, and he won't pay for car insurance either. Rick is seeking insurance we can afford.'
J. J. looked up at her. His face was that of the Jeff she had once known. 'Ma, why is he doing this to you? To us? What did we do wrong?' His voice was strained.
'Honey, I don't know. You know there's another woman involved. I think your father wants everything to be perfect for them. The problem is he can't make it perfect without a lot of money. He wants to sell the house. He's taken the college funds for himself. He's jettisoning his old life to make a new life. He doesn't know what else to do, I'm afraid. But J. J., I don't want you to worry. I'll do the worrying for this family. You need to concentrate on your exams. I will not let your father sell this house from under us. It is my house. Our home. He's not going to get it. Okay?' She tipped his face up to hers, looking directly into his blue eyes. 'Okay?' she repeated.
He gave her a weak smile. 'Okay,' he said. 'But I think Dad's a real shit, Ma, and don't yell at me for using that language.'
'Not this time,' Nora told him. 'I am forced to agree with your rather astute assessment, my son.' She gave him a small smile.
J. J. grinned back. 'I don't mind if I have to stay home. You need someone to look after you,' he told her.
'You are going to college, young man,' Nora said firmly. 'And I'm going to learn how to operate a computer, and take a course in how to get a job so I can support myself, and you. It's an adventure, J. J., and I'm actually
