The Captive Heart

'His attitude has changed towards me,' Alix said, and she sat heavily upon her bed. 'He looks at me when he believes I do not notice, but I do. I have seen men look at women like that before. I do not want him to look at me like that!'

Fenella sat down next to the young woman. 'He cannot help himself,' she said. 'Dunglais has been without a woman in residence ever since his wife ran away.'

'Are there not women in the village for him?' Alix replied.

'Aye, there is a widow, but he visits her only when he must,' Fenella said.

'I do not want another husband,' Alix said. 'I am content as I am.'

'And the laird does not want another wife, or so he says,' Fenella surprised Alix by saying.

Alix grew even paler. 'Then what does he want?' But she already knew the answer to her own question. 'Oh! It is unkind that he would insult me in this way!'

'You are offended that he would take you for his lover?' Fenella inquired. 'But if you do not want a husband, and you do not want a lover, what do you want?'

'I want everything to be as it was. I want to take care of little Fiona and see to her education. Nothing more. I want no man, Fenella!' Alix cried, and she began to weep bitterly. 'If the laird cannot understand that then I must leave Dunglais as soon as the snows are gone and I can travel in safety.'

'Did you love your husband so much, then?' Fenella said. 'I did not think it so.'

'I despised Hayle! He didn't want me for his wife. He wanted his mistress. A miller's daughter, but his father would not have it. I knew that when I agreed to wed him, and I did so only that my poor father could have a safe place to lay his head in his last days. Still, I was willing to take this man for my husband, keep his hall, bear his children. I did not ask for him to love me. I asked him to respect me, to respect my position as his lawful wife. But he hated me, and took every opportunity to show it. Hayle killed himself, you know. Oh, his father and I told the priest it was an accident, but even the priest knew it wasn't, although he said naught. My husband killed himself when his mistress and their son died in childbed. He was not able to accept my sympathy, to at least try to begin anew with his wife. He wanted to be with her, and because he loved her that much I could not fault him. But his death, and that of my own father, freed me. I will never again allow any man to have dominion over me.' Her tears had stopped now with the recitation of her tale. 'Tell your master that he must treat me with respect, Fenella, or I will go. You are his friend. He will listen to you.'

Fenella drew a deep breath and then she spoke. 'Was your husband cruel to you in your bed?' she asked candidly, and she looked directly at Alix. 'Is that why you fear a lover? The laird is a kind man, Alix. He would never be cruel.'

Alix's face had gone white at Fenella's words. 'Will you pander for him?' she gasped in shocked tones.

Fenella arose from her place by Alix's side. 'I will tell the laird of your distress,' she said stiffly, and then she left the bedchamber.

Alix followed after her, barring the door once again.

Returning to the hall, the housekeeper took the laird aside. Fiona was playing contentedly with the dogs by the hearth. 'Her marriage was an unhappy one,' she said.

'I had assumed that,' Malcolm Scott answered.

'Not just the situation in which she found herself,' Fenella responded. 'The husband was cruel to her in their bed. When I asked her about it, she grew as white as the snows outside the hall windows and accused me of pandering for you. I should have been offended but that her pain was so strong it was visible, my lord.'

'Ahh,' the laird said, 'then she must be wooed gently.' He smiled.

'I am not certain that she can be wooed at all, my lord,' Fenella said. 'She told me to tell you if you cannot treat her with respect she must leave Dunglais. You cannot let her go, for that would break Fiona's heart. The wee lass has had enough sadness in her life without losing the only mother figure she knows or can remember. You must satisfy your manly urges somewhere else,' Fenella concluded.

'Nay, I will have Alix,' he replied softly, 'but when I do, she will come to me willingly. I would not harm my daughter's happiness, but I will not deny myself the prize I want.'

'Offer her marriage,' Fenella suggested wickedly.

'If her distaste for carnal union is as strong as you say it is that would but terrify her further,' Malcolm Scott said. 'Nay, kinswoman, Alix needs to be wooed with kindness and gentleness, for she has never before been wooed.'

'Be careful, my lord,' Fenella cautioned him. 'If not for Alix's sake then for Fiona's. She has come to love her companion well.'

At that moment the little girl came to join them. 'Is Alix well now, Fenella?' she asked innocently.

'She will be on the morrow, lass,' Fenella said. 'But 'tis your bedtime. I will take you since Alix cannot. You will see her in the morning.' She took the child's hand and led her from the hall.

Malcolm Scott went to the sideboard and poured himself a dram of his own whiskey. Then he went to sit by the fire and consider what Fenella had told him. What the hell was the matter with a man that he would treat his wife cruelly in their bed? And what cruelty had he inflicted upon her? She was a beautiful young woman of respectable breeding who had been given to the Englishman as a bride. Could he not have enjoyed her favors as well as that of his mistress? Was it necessary to punish her for not being the wife he wanted? Most men never got the wife they wanted. They got the wife who was given to them. He had taken the wife he wanted, and look how well that had turned out. But he could not imagine being cruel to any woman. He had certainly never been cruel to Robena. If he could have saved her, he would have. I will go slowly with Alix, he told himself. She deserved to know how sweet passion can be when it is shared between two consenting parties. I will win her over, and sooner than later.

In the days that followed, the laird's behavior returned to that which it had been before he had revealed his desire for Alix to her. She was wary of him, but as February ended and March began she grew less so. And then one evening as she returned to the hall to oversee the closing up of the house for the day he called to her.

'Fetch a goblet, Mistress Alix, and sit with me by the fire,' he invited.

Alix did not know why she accepted his invitation, but it seemed more the plea of a lonely man in need of a friend than it did a lustful man attempting to seduce a female. She poured some wine into a cup and came to sit with him. 'I smelled spring in the air today,' she said with a small smile. 'And the lambs in the paddock are more frolicsome.'

'Spring has not failed us yet,' he agreed. 'I would apologize to you, Alix.'

'Apologize? For what need you beg my pardon, my lord?'

'Some weeks back I frightened you, and for that I am sorry,' the laird said.

Alix stiffened. 'My lord, I am so happy as Fiona's companion and teacher. I would want nothing to spoil that.'

'I will not spoil it,' he promised her. 'But I would have you tell me why you would find my attentions so repellent.'

Her first thought was to leave him then and there, but she did not. Alix realized the laird, like most men, had been puzzled why she would not want his favors. He was a handsome man, a propertied man, all the things that women were supposed to admire in a gentleman. 'My marriage, as you know, my lord, was not a happy one,' Alix began. 'I am not unhappy being without a husband.'

'And I am not unhappy being wifeless,' he admitted.

'Yet you would have had me in your bed were I willing,' Alix responded.

He nodded. 'Aye, I would.' The laird smiled a small smile.

'You are insulted that I refused you,' Alix said.

'I am curious why you refused me,' he answered her. 'Will you tell me why?'

Alix considered his request. He was, she suspected, the kind of man who would not be content until she had told him the truth. But if she told him the truth then he was apt to leave her in peace and seek his pleasure elsewhere. The shame in what had happened between her and Hayle Watteson was not her shame. It had been her husband's. Alix sighed, and then she began to speak.

'He hated me for not being the girl he loved. Maida was her name. Because it was necessary, he bed me else the marriage be annulled, because that would have displeased his father mightily. He used me as a man uses a woman. But there was no kindness in it. The room was always in total darkness because he felt guilt at what he believed was a betrayal of his Maida. He did not want to look upon me in those brief moments. He took my virginity