To Love Again

Berikos. I was born here, as were my parents and my grandparents on both sides for generations before me. I have been raised to respect my elders, but do not try my patience, or you will find you cannot hide behind the wall of your many years.'

Berikos raised his hand to her, but lowered it quickly, surprised by the venom he saw in her gaze. She was not as tall as a Dobunni, but neither was she tiny. She reminded him of Kyna in many ways, but her spirit was certainly that of her grandmother. That spirit was what had attracted him to Brenna in the first place. Unfortunately, he had not been able to live with it, and Brenna would not be tamed. He suspected this girl was very much the same. Cailin. His granddaughter. She would be a thorn in his side, he believed, but he had no choice but to grant her his protection and the shelter of his hall.

'You may stay,' he said, and turning abruptly, walked away from them.

Brenna sagged against Cailin. 'I am weary,' she said.

'Corio,' Ceara commanded, 'take Brenna to the empty sleeping space by the south fire pit. It will be nice and warm there. Go with her, child. When you have settled her, come back. I will feed you. You must be hungry after your journey and the shock of all that has happened.'

The young man gently lifted Brenna and moved her swiftly across the hall. Carefully, he lay her in the sleeping space. Cailin covered her grandmother with a lambskin, tucking it about her shoulders. She sighed deeply, a worried look on her face, but Brenna did not see. She was already asleep.

Cailin started at a touch on her arm. Turning, she looked into Corio's face for the first time. He was a pleasant- looking man with mild blue eyes.

'Come, and my grandmother will feed us. New bread is always best eaten warm. We are cousins, are we not? My father is Eppilus, Ceara's youngest son. I am only the first of your relations that you will meet. Your mother had ten brothers, all of whom are alive, and most have children, and in some cases grandchildren, of their own. You will not be lonely here.'

Cailin looked to Brenna. She was pale, but her breathing was steady and even. The girl turned away and followed the young man back to where Ceara was busy preparing the morning meal. The big woman ladled cooked barley cereal into two fresh trenchers of bread, and handed them to the couple.

'There are spoons on the table, if you are dainty,' Corio told her. 'Come and sit down.' He wolfed down a bite of his bread and cereal.

They sat, and Ceara plunked two goblets down before them. 'Watered wine,' she said, and then, there being no one else in the hall, she joined them. 'You remind me of your mother, and yet you do not look quite as she looked at your age. Was she happy with your father?'

'Oh, yes!' Cailin said. 'We were a happy family!' Abruptly, the enormity of the tragedy engulfed her. Only yesterday Kyna, her father, and her brothers were alive. There had been no warning at all of their demise-not that it would have been any easier to bear if there had been, but to have survived the murderous slaughter of her family only by chance was more than she could bear. Why should she live when they were all gone?

It was the very first Beltane festival that she had been allowed to stay at unchaperoned. Brenna had given Cailin her head that night, and once on her own, Cailin had begun to see things in a new light. All the young men had wanted to dance with her, and she danced about the leaping fires until almost dawn. She had not been ready to slip away into the darkness with any man yet, but drank her first cupful of honeyed mead and felt wonderful afterward. Cailin thought to return home with her brothers, but they had gone off much earlier, into the darkness with two maidens. She had not seen them again. Only when the false dawn began to lighten the skies, and the music finally stopped, did she wend her way back to the villa, to discover that death had been there before her.

Now, Cailin grew pale and shoved the trencher away from her. The very thought of food was nauseating.

Ceara divined the trouble immediately. 'It is the will of the gods,' she said quietly. 'Sometimes they are kind, and sometimes they are cruel, and sometimes in being kind, unkind. You and Brenna are alive this day because your journey in this world is not yet done. Would you dare to question the wisdom of the gods, Cailin Drusus?'

'Yes!' Cailin cried. 'Why should I live when my family does not? What could my brothers have possibly accomplished in this life that rendered their existence no longer necessary in this world? They were just seventeen!'

'I cannot answer you, child,' Ceara said honestly. 'All I can tell you is that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. What is death? It is but the doorway between this life and the next. We need not fear it. When your time comes, Cailin, those you love who have gone before you will be waiting on the Isles of the Blest for you. Until then it is your duty to the gods who created you to live out your destiny as they have planned you to live it out. You can, of course, whine, and despair about the unfairness of it all, but why would you so futilely waste the precious time allotted to you?'

'Am I not allowed to mourn then?' Cailin asked bitterly.

'Mourn the manner in which they met their ends,' Ceara said, 'but do not mourn them. They have gone on to a far better place. Now eat your breakfast, Cailin Drusus. You need your strength if you are to care for Brenna.'

'Do not treat me as if I were a mindless child, lady,' Cailin said.

'Then do not behave like a child,' Ceara replied with a small smile, rising from her place at the board. 'From the look of you, you are a girl full grown, and we are not idle people. You will be expected to earn your keep, which will leave you little time for feeling sorry for yourself.' She turned from Cailin and began to serve breakfast to the others who were now entering the hall.

'Do not let my grandmother's bark fool you,' Corio said with a grin as Cailin glared fiercely at Ceara's back. 'She is noted for her soft heart. She only seeks to prevent you from hurting yourself.'

'She has an odd way of showing it,' Cailin muttered darkly.

'Would you like me to tell you about the family?' Corio asked in an attempt to distract her. When she nodded, he began, 'Although our grandfather has sired ten sons, only three live in this village: my father Eppilus, and my uncles Lugotorix and Segovax, they are Bryna's sons. The others, and their families, are scattered about the other hill-fort villages belonging to the hill Dobunni. Our grandfather has five wives.'

'I thought he had only four,' Cailin interrupted.

'Four living, but he had a total of five. Bryna went to the Isles of the Blest some years back. Then Berikos married a woman named Brigit two years ago. She is not a Dobunni. She is a Catuvellauni. Our grandfather makes a fool of himself over her. She is not much older than you are, Cailin, but she is wicked beyond belief. My grandmother is chief of Berikos's women, but if Brigit decides to oppose Ceara's decisions, Berikos supports Brigit. It is very wrong of him, but it amuses him to encourage her in favor of his other women. Fortunately, Brigit is content to allow my grandmother and Maeve their responsibilities regarding the household. Such is not her forte. She prefers to spend her days in her own house, perfuming and preparing herself for my grandfather's pleasure. When she ventures out, she is accompanied by two serving girls who almost anticipate her every desire. They say she holds our grandfather by means of enchantment and secret potions.'

Three tall men, one with dark hair, the other two with hair like Cailin's, came to sit down next to them.

'Mother says you are Kyna's daughter,' the dark-haired man said. 'Are you our sister's child, my pretty girl? I am Eppilus, the father of this handsome young scamp, and youngest son of Ceara and Berikos.'

'Yes, I am the daughter of Kyna and Gaius Drusus. My name is Cailin,' she replied quietly.

'I am Lugotorix,' said one of the auburn-haired men, 'and this is my twin brother, Segovax. We are the sons of Bryna and Berikos.'

'My brothers, Titus and Flavius, were also twins,' Cailin said, and then to her great mortification, tears began to slide down her face. Desperately she attempted to scrub them away.

The three older men looked away, giving the girl time to compose herself as Corio put a shy arm about his cousin's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It was almost the undoing of Cailin, but she somehow managed to find humor in her situation. Poor, good Corio was making an attempt to soothe her, while in reality his kindness was close to sending her into a fit of hysterics. She needed to weep and to grieve for her family, but not now. Not here. It would have to be later, when she could find a private place where no one else would see her tears. Cailin drew a deep, calming breath.

'I am all right now,' she said, removing Corio's protective arm.

Her three uncles met her steady gaze with admiration, and Eppilus said, 'You still wear your bulla, I see.'