To Love Again

'As my granddaughter so forcefully reminded me this afternoon,' Berikos said grimly, 'I am no longer a young man.' He stood up, pulling Brigit with him. 'Come! The night grows older as quickly as do I.'

They left the hall, and Ceara smiled bitterly. 'Brigit reminds us once again that it is she who guides the old stallion leading this herd.'

'I wonder what she did to get him to go so early?' Maeve said.

'Some suggestion of lustful games, you may be sure,' Ceara said. 'He always had a large appetite for women's flesh. His appetite is obviously still large, but can it overcome his age?'

'You sound jealous,' Maeve said, astounded.

'Aren't you?' Ceara replied. 'I may be considered an old woman by virtue of my years, but why should my desires not rise as hot as Berikos's desires? I would not mind if he visited my bed now and then. He was always a good lover.'

'Aye,' Maeve agreed, 'he was. Now that we are older, no one admires us, or asks Berikos's permission to share our beds. It is lonely.'

'Remember when we were younger,' Ceara said, 'Berikos was so proud of how other men desired his wives when they came to visit. It always gave him great pleasure to extend his hospitality to our beds. And he had his share of the visiting women as well. Do you remember the time when those three chiefs of neighboring tribes arrived to discuss an alliance, and they admired us?'

Maeve laughed at the memory. 'Aye! They had come alone so others would not know of their coming. Berikos was forced to parcel us out, and then he was left without a bedmate that night. Brenna was almost ready to have Kyna, and so she could not be with him. The only other women available were all related to him. Ohh, it seems so long ago!'

'It was,' Ceara said. 'The old ways are dying, and men are not so ready to share their women now as they were then. It is too bad, isn't it? The right precautions kept one safe from unwanted pregnancy, but a child from an honorable man was considered a blessing. I must admit to enjoying the variety offered on those rare occasions.'

***

The days were growing shorter with the approach of winter. The sun did not rise until late, and set by what would have been mid-afternoon in the summer. Ceara and Maeve decided to visit their sons and grandchildren in two of the other villages before the snows set in. As they would be going to the village where Bodvoc lived with his family, Nuala decided to accompany her grandmother.

'You just want to go so you can share a bed space with him,' Cailin teased her cousin. 'You are sure to have a big belly by the time you two are wed on Beltane next.' Beltane was a traditional time for weddings among the Celtic tribes.

'If I have a big belly when we are finally married, no one would be more pleased than Bodvoc and his family. It would show them I am a fertile field, and that Bodvoc's seed is strong. There is no shame in it among our peoples, Cailin. Is it not the same for the Britons, then? Your blood is so intermingled that I thought you would follow many of the same customs as do the Dobunni.'

'We follow many customs belonging to the Celtic peoples, Nuala,' Cailin said, 'but among the Romans, a maiden goes to her marriage bed a virgin. That custom seems to have continued among the Britons.'

'What a pity,' Nuala remarked. 'How can you please your husband if you know nothing of what is involved in lovemaking?' Then her blue eyes grew wide with sudden awareness. 'You have never been with a man, Cailin, have you?' she said in shocked tones. 'Not even Corio? Ohh, when I return from visiting Bodvoc, I shall have to remedy this gap in your education, dear cousin. It is all very well to be able to read, but a woman must know far more than that to please a man in bed.'

'I don't think I want a man in my bed just yet,' Cailin ventured.

'You are going to be sixteen in the spring, cousin,' Nuala said. 'I will teach you everything you need to know, and then we will find a nice man for you to practice on. Bodvoc would be perfect!'

'But you are to marry Bodvoc!' Cailin squeaked nervously.

'I'm not jealous. After all, you don't love him. He's a marvelous lover, Cailin. Just perfect for a first experience! I'm certain he would be happy to oblige us in this matter.'

'I do not know if I can do such a thing, Nuala. I have not grown up as freely as you have. These are not my ways,' Cailin said.

'We do not hold that lovemaking between two consenting parties is wrong, Cailin,' Nuala explained. 'There is nothing evil about giving and receiving pleasure. Your mother was certainly no virgin when she wed your father.' She patted her obviously distressed relative. 'We will speak on this when I return from my visit to Carvilius's village.'

Cailin's mother had never told her these things. Brenna had never told her these things. While many girls her age and younger had spoken of the mysterious ways of love, Cailin had never been particularly curious about it. There had been no man who attracted her enough to rouse her interest. While she had grown in height and breadth, and her chest had sprouted round little breasts two years ago, she had never considered life as a grown woman one day. Now it appeared that she must.

Ceara and Maeve were hardly subtle in their quest for a husband for her. Their reasoning was sound. She needed a protector. Berikos barely tolerated her, and given the chance, would have been rid of her by now. She no longer had any family. Oh, Ceara and Maeve looked after her, but what would happen to her when they were not here?

'Stay away from your grandfather while we are gone,' Ceara warned Cailin in the morning of her departure. 'Brigit has yet to attempt any revenge against you, but she will try, particularly if there is no one here to defend you. Are you sure you do not want to come with us, my child? You would be most welcome.'

Cailin shook her head. 'You are good to ask me, but I need to be alone with myself, and my thoughts. There has been no time for that since I came here. I will keep from Berikos's sight, I promise you, Ceara. I do not want him to disown me as he did my mother. At least she had my father to go to, but I have no one.'

'Be certain the slaves have his meals prepared on time, and that they are hot. You will have no trouble with him then. His stomach, and his manroot, are the center of his life these days. You take care of the stomach, and Brigit will see to the other,' Ceara told her wryly.

Cailin laughed. 'If Berikos heard you, he would say it sounded like Brenna talking, I am certain. Do not fear, I will oversee the slaves properly.'

For two days all went well, and then in mid-morning of the third day, Brigit came into the hall, looking agitated. 'Where is Ceara?' she demanded of Cailin, who was alone at her loom, weaving.

'Gone two days ago to visit her sons,' Cailin answered politely. 'Did you not know it, lady?'

'Know? How could I know? Who tells me anything?' Brigit complained. 'Then Maeve! Find Maeve!' she demanded excitedly.

'Maeve has gone visiting as well,' Cailin replied.

'The gods! What am I to do?' Brigit cried.

Cailin swallowed hard. Brigit seemed genuinely disturbed, and although they were scarcely friends, Cailin heard herself ask, 'Can I help you in some way, lady?'

Brigit's blue eyes narrowed and she observed Cailin thoughtfully. 'Can you cook?' she finally said. 'Can you prepare a small feast for tonight? Berikos has an important guest arriving. We must extend him our best hospitality.' She flushed, and then admitted, 'I cannot cook, at least not well enough to prepare the kind of meal that must be served.'

'I am a good cook, and with the slaves to do my bidding, I can prepare a meal worthy of an important guest, lady,' Cailin told her.

'Then do it!' Brigit commanded her ungraciously. 'And it had better be good, mongrel, or this time I will see your grandfather has you beaten for your insolence. There is no one here to defend you now.' She turned and