“Certainly.” Dr. Singh typed something on the computer keyboard. “You can pick up your prints from the nurse at the front desk.”
She used a mouse to measure the baby’s head circumference and length, then added, “And judging by the baby’s size, I’d say your due date of May 1 is right on.”
He’d somehow neglected to ask Soleil about the exact due date.
May 1 was the day he’d hold his little girl for the first time. She would no longer be a possibility-she’d be an actuality, a real live person whose life he was responsible for.
Soleil caught his eye. Her gaze searched him for the answer to some question she hadn’t asked. Maybe she wanted to see how he felt.
How
Overwhelmed, terrified, thrilled, overjoyed, sick to his stomach and as shaky as a drunk without his booze.
She must not have liked what she saw in his eyes, because her expression darkened, and she shifted her focus to the ultrasound screen, which was now blank.
Dr. Singh was wiping away the gel she’d put on Soleil’s belly with a cloth. “Everything looks to be progressing fine. Do you have any questions?”
Lots. Such as, how was he supposed to be a good father? And, why did babies have to happen by accident like this? And, how badly damaged would his daughter be if her mother and father couldn’t get along?
He shrugged and gave Soleil a questioning look.
“None for me,” she said. “When is the next ultrasound?”
“Unless something unusual comes up, we may not need to do another.”
“Okay. I was thinking for West, but-” she seemed to realize too late that she’d touched upon a controversial subject, and her voice faltered “-you’ll be gone again.”
She busied herself with sitting up and rearranging the gown, while West absorbed the truth. He would be gone. He’d be back in Colorado, or wherever his next assignment took him, and she’d be here. At least he presumed she planned to be here. And why wouldn’t she, when her life and everything she loved was wrapped up in the farm?
“Oh? Where do you live?” Dr. Singh asked, confused now.
“I’m in the air force, stationed in Colorado at the moment but waiting for my next assignment.” Which could take him anywhere, at any time, with little notice.
He caught the tightening of Soleil’s expression, and a deadweight settled on his chest. How had he been stupid enough to assume anything would be simple from this point forward?
A moment ago, he’d been imagining himself holding their newborn baby in his arms, when the reality was, he was far more likely to be thousands of miles away, cradling an assault rifle. He wouldn’t even be present at his child’s birth.
And it was no wonder Soleil was reluctant to depend on him for anything.
“So, you’re…” Dr. Singh said, trying to piece together the situation, “not planning to be together?”
“No,” Soleil said, her tone final.
West felt the word like a punch in the gut, although it shouldn’t have surprised him. It was exactly what he’d have expected her to say, wasn’t it?
“We’re still trying to work out how we’ll share parenting duties,” he said.
“I see.” the doctor said. “Well, I hope to see you again,” she said to West as she went to the door.
To Soleil she said, “I’ll see you next month.”
“I’ll go out to the desk and get our pictures while you change,” he told Soleil, and she nodded.
He needed to get away from her right now. The contrast between the high of seeing their baby for the first time and the low of getting slapped in the face with the truth was too much. He needed a chance to regroup before she nailed him with any more of her harsh reality.
In the safety of the waiting room, he asked the woman at the reception window for the ultrasound photos, and he felt a bit of the tension drain from his shoulders. As he gazed at an image of the baby, he almost couldn’t bear the enormity of it. Tears came to his eyes, and he blinked stupidly.
What the hell was happening to him? He wasn’t the kind of guy who got choked up at the sentimental parts of movies, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt the sting of tears in his eyes.
He faked interest in something on the wall and forced his mind to go blank for a moment until he’d recovered. As he studied the framed print, he slowly allowed himself to consider what he needed to deal with next.
Soleil, their future, his career, hers, how to join their lives for the sake of the baby…Was it even possible?
It had to be. He had to be involved in his child’s life. The alternative was unimaginable. And yet, he couldn’t quite imagine how to make it happen, either.
That was why he and Soleil needed to talk.
In that brief moment of hopefulness, when they’d seen their baby together on the ultrasound screen, he’d felt a powerful connection to Soleil. That connection was evidenced by the photos in his hand. He had to hold on to that feeling of hope, because there had to be some way they could make a family.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SOLEIL HAD NEVER GAZED longingly at other people’s babies, wishing for one of her own. She liked babies well enough, enjoyed holding them, thought they were cute and all. But ached for one?
Not at all.
So when she saw her own child’s ultrasound image, looking so much more like a real baby than it had at twelve weeks, she was surprised at the overwhelming ache, coming from somewhere so deep down she couldn’t begin to pinpoint its origin.
Even after they’d left the doctor’s office, she could still feel its grip on her, almost choking in its intensity.
West, for his part, looked shell-shocked yet again. She wondered if he was feeling as freaked out as she was, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it.
That look on his face during the ultrasound-it had spoken volumes. She’d seen in his eyes the same wonder she’d been feeling, and she’d understood in that moment that the baby was as big a deal for him as it was for her.
Of course, he didn’t have to watch his body taken over by it, and his life wouldn’t change in the same ways hers would, but he was, no doubt, profoundly affected.
Remorse like she’d never felt before crept up on her as they walked across the parking lot. What had she done? What on earth had she been thinking, not telling him about the pregnancy from the start? Now things were such a tangled mess. They had so far to go, so much to sort out before they could begin to see the way toward a resolution.
But what if…
Maybe…
The hope she’d felt while looking at their baby’s image minutes ago dared a resurgence. West was here. And she was here. They were two caring adults. Somehow, they could make this work, couldn’t they?
Back in the car, she dug around in her purse for more crackers and found instead a voice-mail notice on her cell phone. Grateful for the distraction, she checked the message.
It was her mom, saying that she’d decided to come to stay for the holidays, that she’d be arriving tomorrow.
“Oh, God,” Soleil muttered into the phone as West settled in the driver’s seat.
“What’s wrong?”
She deleted the message and put her phone away. “It’s my mother. She’s coming for the holidays.”
“You weren’t expecting her?”
“I usually visit her. That way I can see my friends in the Bay Area and leave before my mom starts driving me
