“How did you meet him?”
“I saw his wolf. I was curious, I guess.”
“His wolf.” She shook her head. “Some wolf. Half coyote, half German shepherd, you ask me. But the kids all believe his stories: It’s purely wild; he found the little cub in the woods, the only survivor of a pack butchered by hunters, or it saved his life when he was attacked by a panther—which one did he tell you?”
“He didn’t say anything like that.”
“Must have guessed you weren’t as gullible as your students. They think the Big Thicket is more than a few scattered remnants, that it’s primeval, magical, filled with wolf packs, big cats, and extinct birds, not to mention ghost lights and hairy ape men.” Her interest in me waning, she stole a glance at her computer screen and sighed. “All right, Katherine. Now you know what he is, you’ll steer clear. And if you ever see him on campus, call security.”
LEAVING CAMPUS, HALF an hour later, I went to the grocery store and bought three steaks, potatoes, green beans, a bottle of wine, cheese and crackers, grapes, a frozen cheesecake… I reasoned that since I didn’t have his phone number, I couldn’t cancel, and the least I could do was give Cody a chance to defend himself. Maybe he could explain everything: He was working undercover for the DEA, or the victim of identity-theft…
I was totally in denial.
When I heard his car, I went outside and stood in front of the trailer, my arms crossed, holding myself. Lobo sensed my mood instantly and hung back by the car, just watching as Cody, less aware, only lost his smile and his jaunty, swinging stride when we were in touching distance.
“What’s up?”
I told him what my boss had said.
He didn’t prevaricate, bluster, or deny the charge, and he didn’t make light of it, either. He sucked in his lips. “You didn’t know?”
“Like I’d get in a car and go for a ride with a drug dealer!”
He sighed. “You’re a good person. I’m not used to being around good people.”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
“I understand.” Yet he didn’t move. He stared at the ground. Behind him, Lobo gave a low, sad whine.
“Please go.”
He raised his eyes. “I’ve done bad things. Most people would say that makes me a bad man. But—I could change. If I stopped dealing drugs, broke free of the people I’ve been working for, promised to go straight—would you give me another chance?”
“What do you mean?” I was hedging, scared.
“You know what I mean. I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you, too,” I said in a rush. “But only if—well, it has to happen first. For real. I can’t just take your word for it, you know, that you’re suddenly all straight and honest. It has to be clear, to everyone, that you’re not a criminal anymore, or I lose my job.”
“Of course. Just give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking. I can’t just snap my fingers; there are people I have to deal with. And to get clear, really, I’d probably have to leave the state.”
“I’ll go with you,” I blurted without thinking about it.
Our eyes met. “What about your job?”
“The job’s not the most important thing. I’m not asking you to change just so I can keep my job!”
He nodded slowly. “I don’t want mine anymore. I didn’t used to care. It was easy money, so I did it, thinking it was my choice. But lately, especially since I found Lobo, I’ve started to change. I’d like to make a clean start. But, well, I’m so involved now, I can’t just walk away. I know too much, and there’s a history… There’s people who won’t want to cut me loose.”
“So what’s going to happen?” I asked, my stomach in knots. “Will they let you go?”
He gave a little shrug like it didn’t matter, but I saw from his eyes that he was scared as well as strong. “I’ll just have to make them. I have to, now—for you.”
I thought he would come forward and kiss me—I wanted him to—but he moved back toward the car instead, opening the door and snapping his fingers for Lobo before he looked around at me again.
“I’ll come back for you when it’s safe,” he said. He shut Lobo into the back and opened his door and got into the driver’s seat, and then he hesitated again, and gave me a long, burning look.
“I’ll come back to you as soon as I can, Katherine. I love you.”
I stared back at him through repressed tears, unable to say those words back to him, too choked up to say anything at all, although later my silence would haunt me, and I hoped he read in my eyes what I felt.
A WEEK DRAGGED slowly by. There were classes and meetings and other people to keep me occupied during the days, but in the evenings I was lonely and plagued by fears about what danger Cody was putting himself in for my sake. And I hadn’t even told him I loved him! Why hadn’t I rushed over and kissed him, at least?
Another, different fear also tormented me: the idea that Cody didn’t really love me, that he hadn’t meant what he’d said, that he’d just been playing with me, saying what he thought I’d believe, the way he’d told different people different versions of how Lobo had come into his possession. What if none of it was true?
Friday morning, as I stepped outside the trailer, turning toward my car, I found the wolf waiting for me.
He looked thinner and scrawnier than ever, his head hung down. He was visibly trembling, panting hard, seemingly on the point of collapse. Naturally I looked for some sign of Cody or his black SUV, but the shivering animal was my only early-morning visitor.
“Here, Lobo,” I said softly, patting my side. He came at once, pressing himself against my legs, sending the vibrations of his fast-beating heart through me.
Somewhere in the trees, a mockingbird sang, and there was the sound of a heavy vehicle grumbling away down the highway. I told myself that Cody could have paused beside my mailbox, just long enough to let Lobo out before making his escape… but then, I was sure, even if he’d driven away at top speed, the wolf would have gone chasing after his master’s car until his heart burst. And if Cody
My hand, digging into the thick ruff of fur at the wolf’s neck, discovered no collar. Cody had told me he would never chain him, and the collar was for appearances only, always notched loose enough for him to slip his head through.
I knew then that something terrible had happened; Lobo had escaped, and come to me for help.
Taking him inside with me, I locked the flimsy door and called the police.
I stumbled through a story about finding a “dog” I thought belonged to a man named Cody Vela—at the mention of his name, I was put through to someone else who instructed me to tell him everything I knew about Mr. Vela and his associates.
I told him I didn’t know anything, I’d just seen him around, and when the dog turned up this morning, obviously upset, I was concerned…
He told me then that Cody had been murdered, but he couldn’t give me any details because it was part of an ongoing investigation.
“But you should be aware, that animal’s more wolf than dog. I advise you to call the county animal-control office and let them take care of it.”
Hearing that Cody was dead was a terrible shock. At least, it should have been, but somehow I couldn’t feel it. It didn’t seem real.
What was real, what I had to deal with immediately, was the weary, frightened animal that had come to me for help.
Of course I didn’t call the animal-control officer. Looking after his wolf was now the only thing I could do for the man I’d so briefly thought of loving and then lost. I made just one more phone call that morning, to the secretary in the English department, to say I was suffering from food poisoning and my classes would have to be canceled. Then I devoted myself to my new responsibility.
We spent the weekend getting to know each other, and learning to trust. I was a bit apprehensive about letting him off the leash, in case he simply ran off and got lost, but he needed exercise, and taking him out to the Thicket where there was no one to stare or get scared, and no other dogs to hassle him, seemed the best
