her. And Gracie was their baby.
The next morning Victoria made French toast for breakfast, then they took the subway to SoHo, and walked around among the street vendors, shoppers, and tourists. The streets were jammed, and they had lunch at a little sidewalk cafe. But it was nothing like Europe, and they both agreed that they wished they were back in Venice. It had been the high point of their trip. And Victoria was proudly wearing the beautiful gold bracelet Gracie had given her.
They spent Sunday at a concert in Central Park, and had dinner after Gracie packed again. Victoria had already put all her things away. And the two girls sat talking at the kitchen table late into the night. The others weren’t due back till Monday, and the following weekend was the Fourth of July weekend. Gracie had a million plans in L.A., and Victoria had none in New York. Harlan and John were going to Fire Island, and Bunny to Cape Cod.
Victoria took her sister to the airport the next morning, and both girls cried. It was the end of a beautiful trip, a wonderful shared time, and Victoria felt as though someone had torn her heart out after Gracie left, and she took the shuttle back into the city. Gracie texted Victoria before the flight took off. “Best vacation of my whole life, and you’re the best sister. I love you forever. G.” There were tears in Victoria’s eyes when she read the message, and when she got back to her apartment, she called Dr. Watson. She was glad to hear that the doctor had an opening that afternoon.
Victoria was happy to see her, and told her about the trip. She commented on how easy Gracie had been, how much fun they had had, she showed her the bracelet on her arm, and laughed when she told her about the men who had followed Gracie around in Italy.
“And what about you?” the doctor asked her quietly. “Who followed you around?”
“Are you kidding? Given the choice between me and Gracie, who do you think they’d follow?”
“You’re a good-looking woman too,” Dr. Watson confirmed. She could hear how much Victoria had done for her younger sister, and hoped that she had gotten enough emotional sustenance for herself in return.
“Gracie is gorgeous. But I worry about how close she is to my parents,” Victoria admitted to her doctor. “I don’t think it’s healthy. They’re nicer to her than they ever were to me, but they stifle her, they treat her like a possession. My father fills her head with all his ideas. She needs her own.”
“She’s young. She’ll get there,” the shrink said philosophically. “Or maybe she won’t. She may be more like them than you think. That may be comfortable for her.”
“I hope not,” Victoria said, and the psychiatrist agreed, but also knew that it didn’t always work out that way. And not everyone was as brave as Victoria, breaking free and moving to New York.
“And what about you? Where are you heading these days, Victoria? What are your goals?”
She laughed at the question. She often laughed when she really wanted to cry. It was less scary that way. “Get skinny and have a life. Meet a man who loves me, and whom I love too.” She had gained weight on the trip, and wanted to lose it over the rest of the summer.
“What are you doing to make that happen?” the psychiatrist asked quietly about the man Victoria hoped to meet.
“Nothing right now. I just got back this weekend. It’s not that easy to meet people. Everyone I know is married, in a relationship, or gay.”
“Maybe you need to branch out a little bit, and try some new things. Where are you these days about your weight?” She was usually either on a diet or in deep despair.
“I ate a lot of pasta in Italy and croissants in Paris. I guess I have to pay the piper now.” She had bought a book about the latest popular diet before she left on the trip and hadn’t read it yet. “It’s always a fight.” Something was stopping her from losing the weight she wanted to. And yet she was always sure that on the other side of the weight rainbow stood the man of her dreams.
“You know, you might find someone one of these days who loves you just the way you are. You don’t have to go on a crash diet to find someone. Keeping trim is good for your health. But your love life doesn’t have to depend on it.”
“No one is going to love me if I’m fat,” she said glumly. It was the message her father had given her for years, almost in the form of a curse.
“That’s not true,” the psychiatrist said calmly. “Someone who loves you will love you fat, thin, or any shape.” Victoria didn’t answer, and it was obvious she didn’t believe what Dr. Watson had said. She knew better. There were no men pounding down her door, stopping her on the street to beg for her phone number, or asking her for dates. “You can always go back to the nutritionist. That worked for you pretty well.” And they had discussed Weight Watchers many times, but she never got there. She said she was too busy.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll call her in a few weeks.” She wanted to settle in first. But she wanted to lose some weight before she went back to school. She was in her bigger clothes again after the trip. She talked about her trip again then, and the hour was over. As she walked outside, she had the feeling again that she was stuck. Her life was going nowhere. And she bought herself an ice cream cone on the way home, and told herself what difference did it make anyway. She would start dieting seriously tomorrow.
Harlan and John were home when she got in, and so was Bunny. They were happy to see her, and they had dinner together that night when Bunny got back from the gym. John had made a big bowl of pasta and lobster salad, both of which were irresistible. Harlan could see that she had gained weight, but he didn’t say anything. They were just happy to be together again, and Bunny told her she was engaged and showed them her ring. She was getting married the following spring. It didn’t come as a surprise to any of them, and Victoria was happy for her.
Gracie had texted her earlier to let her know that she had gotten home, and she called Victoria that night before she went to bed. She said their parents had taken her out to dinner, and she was going to Malibu with friends the next day. She had a busy summer ahead. And Victoria went to sleep dreaming of Venice, sitting in the gondola next to Gracie under the Bridge of Sighs. And then she dreamed of the risotto milanese they’d eaten at Harry’s Bar.
The rest of the summer went by too quickly. Victoria spent the Fourth of July weekend at a bed and breakfast in the Hamptons with Helen and a group of single female teachers from Madison. She went to Maine with Harlan and John in August. There were some blisteringly hot days in New York where she did nothing but lie around. It was too hot to go jogging, so she went to the gym once in a while. It was a token effort, but she wasn’t in the mood. She was sad after Gracie left following their trip. They’d had such a good time together. Victoria really missed her, and was lonely without her. She went to one Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and never went back.
And as she had promised, she flew out to California for the weekend to help Gracie settle into her dorm room at USC. It was a day of chaos, bittersweet memories, and tears of hello and goodbye. Victoria helped her unpack, while their father set up her stereo and computer, and their mother neatly folded underwear into a drawer.
Gracie had two roommates in a tiny room, and it was a major feat getting everyone’s things put away in lockers, a single closet, and three chests of drawers, with three desks and three computers crowding the room. And all three sets of parents and Victoria were trying to help their girls. By late afternoon, they had done everything they could, and Gracie walked outside with them. She looked as though she was about to panic, and her father looked like he was about to cry. And Victoria had a heavy heart. Gracie really was grown up now, and they had to open the door to the cage and let her fly. Her parents were far more reluctant to do that, and it wasn’t easy for Victoria either.
They were standing outside the door of the dorm, talking, when a tall, good-looking boy with a tennis racket in his hand sauntered by. He stopped the moment he saw Gracie, as though he had been struck by lightning and couldn’t move another step. Victoria smiled at the look on his face. She had seen boys react to her sister that way before.
“Freshman?” he asked her. He could tell from the hall where he was standing, and she nodded. She had the same look in her eyes that he did, and Victoria almost laughed. It would be just too simple if Gracie found the man of the moment the day she moved into the dorm. How easy was that?
“Junior? Senior?” she inquired with a hopeful look, and he grinned.
“Business school,” he answered with a broad smile, which meant he was at least four years older than she was, and probably more like five or six. “Hi,” he said then, glancing at all of them. “I’m Harry Wilkes.” They had all heard of Wilkes Hall and wondered if he was of the family that had donated it. He shook hands with her parents and Victoria and then smiled dazzlingly at Gracie and asked if she’d like to play tennis at six o’clock. She beamed and said she would. He promised to come back for her then and then jogged off.
