them the relationship they obviously shared. She was wearing her iPod so she couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their faces as they looked at each other were warm and loving, and watching them tore at her heart. She couldn’t even imagine having a man who looked like that in her life.
The man exercising next to her had piercing blue eyes and dark hair, and a square jaw and chin with a deep cleft in it. He had broad shoulders and long legs, and she noticed that he had nice hands. She was embarrassed when he turned and smiled at her. He had sensed her staring at him, so she looked away. And then she noticed him looking at her again, and admiring her legs when she got off the bike. She was wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, and he was wearing a T-shirt and shorts. And she thought that their relationship must be very secure for the woman he was with not to get upset when he looked at her like that. She seemed not to be bothered at all. Victoria had smiled at him, and then left the gym to go home. She could hardly wait for her vacation to get her new nose. She hated to miss time at the gym, but she promised herself to work twice as hard on her workout program as soon as she could start again. With a newly toned, slimmer body and a better nose, she could hardly wait for her new life to begin. She was smiling to herself, thinking about it and feeling hopeful as she left the gym that night.
Chapter 21
Victoria spent a quiet Christmas with Harlan and John at the apartment, and although she missed Gracie, she was happy not to have to travel during the holidays, or deal with her family’s hysteria over the wedding. It was still six months away, and everyone was already nuts, particularly her parents. It was the first time she hadn’t gone home, and it felt strange, but peaceful.
She, Harlan, and John exchanged presents on Christmas Eve, as she did with her family usually, and they went to midnight mass afterward. The traditions hadn’t changed, just the people and the venues. It was a beautiful mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and although none of them was particularly religious, they found it very moving, and they came home and had tea in the kitchen and went to bed. And she talked to Gracie several times the next day. She was shuttling back and forth between their parents’ and the Wilkeses’. And Harry had given her diamond earrings for Christmas, which she told Victoria were gorgeous.
On Christmas night, Victoria was extremely nervous about what was going to happen the next day. They had given her pre-op instructions. She couldn’t eat or drink after midnight, couldn’t take aspirin. She had never had surgery before and didn’t know what to expect, other than a nose that she loved at the end of it, or at least not one that she hated as much as she had her present one all her life. She couldn’t wait for the change. She knew it wouldn’t transform her and suddenly make her beautiful, but she knew she would feel different, and that a major irritant that had embarrassed her for years would be altered. She kept looking in the mirror and couldn’t wait for it to be altered. She already felt different. She was shedding the things that had made her unhappy, or trying to, and she was proud of herself for not going home for Christmas, as she had every year. Thanksgiving had just been too awful. And the Christmas she spent in New York was easy and warm at least, with her roommates.
It was sad, but her parents were just too hard for her to be around. Their overt, covert, and subliminal message was always the same: “We don’t love you.” For years she had tried to turn that around, and she couldn’t. Now she no longer wanted to try. It was her first step toward health. And the rhinoplasty was another. It had deep psychological meaning for her. She wasn’t condemned to be ugly and ridiculed by them forever. She was taking control of her life.
Victoria got up early and walked around the apartment nervously before she left. The tree was sitting in a corner of the apartment, and she wondered how she’d feel when she got home. Not too bad, she hoped. She hoped she wouldn’t be in terrible pain or feel sick. And she was scared to death when she took a cab to the hospital at six A.M. Had it been for anything else, she might have backed out and canceled. She was terrified when she walked through the double doors into the same day surgery unit. And from then on it was like being sucked into a well-oiled machine. People greeted her, had her sign papers, and put a plastic ID bracelet on her wrist. They drew blood, took her blood pressure, and listened to her heart. The anesthesiologist came to talk to her, and reassured her that she would feel nothing and be asleep. They wanted to know about any allergies she had, which she didn’t. They weighed her, put her in a surgical gown, and had her put on elastic stockings to avoid blood clots, which seemed odd to her, since they were operating on her nose, not her knees or her feet, and the stockings felt funny and went from her toes to the top of her thighs. And she hated the weigh-in, because on their scale she had gained three pounds, even if she insisted on taking off her shoes to be weighed. The war for her weight was not won yet.
Nurses and technicians came and went, someone put an IV in her arm, and before she knew what had happened, she was on the operating table, and her surgeon was smiling at her and patting her hand, while the anesthesiologist talked to her, and seconds later she was asleep. Nothing happened after that, and she woke up feeling incredibly groggy while someone far, far away kept saying her name over and over again.
“Victoria… Victoria… Victoria?… Victoria…” She wanted them to be quiet and let her sleep.
“Hmm… what…” They kept waking her up as she tried to go back to sleep.
“Your surgery is over, Victoria,” a voice said. She fell asleep again, and then someone put a straw in her mouth and offered her a drink. She took a sip, and slowly she began to wake up. She could feel tape on her face, and it felt strange, but she wasn’t in pain. They gave her oral pain-killers after she woke. She spent the day in and out of sleep. And they made sure she was warm enough. They finally told her that she had to wake up if she wanted to go home. They cranked up the bed and made her sit up, while she nodded off again. And then they gave her Jell-O, and she looked up and saw Harlan standing next to her bed. John had a cold, so he didn’t come.
“Hi… what are you doing here?” She looked at him in surprise and felt drunk. “Oh yeah… that’s right. I’m going home… I’m kind of out of it,” she said apologetically, and he grinned.
“I’ll say. I don’t know what they’re giving you, but I want some.” She laughed and felt a sharp twinge in her face when she did. He didn’t tell her that the bandages on her face looked like a hockey mask. They’d been putting ice packs on her face all day. And a nurse came in to help her dress while Harlan waited outside. She was in a wheelchair still looking sleepy when he saw her again.
“How do I look? Is my nose pretty?” she asked him groggily.
“You look gorgeous,” Harlan said, exchanging a smile with the nurse. She was used to groggy patients. Victoria was wearing sweatpants and a top that opened down the front, which they had told her to do, so she didn’t pull it over her head. The nurse had put Victoria’s shoes and socks on, after taking the elastic stockings off, and her hair was disheveled and pulled back in an elastic band. And they had given her pills to take with her in case she was in pain when she got home. Harlan left her in the lobby with the nurse while he went to get a cab and was back in less than a minute. Victoria was shocked to see that it was dark outside. It was six o’clock, and she had been there for twelve hours. The nurse rolled the wheelchair right out to the cab, and Harlan helped Victoria in, settled her on the seat, and thanked the nurse. He hoped Victoria hadn’t heard her warn him that she was a big girl, so he didn’t try to lift her. He knew how she hated that expression. It was one of the painful mantras of her childhood. She didn’t want to be a “big girl,” just a kid then, and a woman now.
“What did she say?” Victoria frowned as she looked at him.
“She said you look like you’ve been on a two-week drunk, and she wishes she had your legs.”
“Yeah,” Victoria nodded seriously, “everyone says that… they want my legs… great legs… fat ass though.” The driver smiled in the rearview mirror when he heard her, and Harlan gave him their address. It was a short drive home, and Victoria dozed with her chin on her chest, and once she snored. It was not a romantic vision, but Harlan loved her. She had become his best friend. He woke her when they got there.
“Okay, sleeping beauty. We’re back at the castle. Get your gorgeous ass out of the cab.” He wished he had the wheelchair at the house, but she didn’t need it. She was a little disoriented and woozy, but he got her in the elevator and into the apartment in minutes, and led her to the couch, so she could sit down while he took off his coat and her own. John came out of their bedroom in a bathrobe, and smiled when he saw her. She looked like an alien in the bandage that covered most of her face, with two holes for her eyes and a splint to protect her nose. She was quite a sight, but he made no comment about it to Victoria and hoped she wouldn’t look in the mirror. There had been cotton packing in her nose all day, but very little bleeding. And the nurse had removed it before she left.
“Where do you want to be?” Harlan asked her gently. “On the couch or in bed?” She thought about it for a long moment.
