bear it, and out of sheer desperation she left her room and wheeled herself slowly down the hall. And then at the very end of the floor she found a little boy in a wheelchair like hers, sitting sadly by the window, staring out at the snow.
“Hi, my name's Sam.” Her heart ached for him, and then he turned toward her. He couldn't have been more than six, and his eyes were filled with tears.
“I can't play in the snow anymore.”
“Neither can I. What's your name?”
“Alex.”
“What did you get for Christmas?”
“A cowboy hat and a holster. But I can't ride horses either.”
She nodded slowly, and then suddenly she wondered. “Why not?”
He looked at her as though she were very stupid. “Because I'm in this wheelchair, dummy. I got hit by a car, riding my bike, and now I have to be in this thing forever.” And then he looked at her curiously. “What about you?”
“I fell off a horse in Colorado.”
“Yeah?” He looked at her with interest and she grinned.
“Yeah. And you know something, I bet I could still ride, and I'll bet you could too. I saw this article once in a magazine that showed people like us riding horses. I think they had special saddles, but they did it.”
“Did they have special horses?” He looked enchanted at the idea and Sam smiled and shook her head.
“I don't think so. Just nice ones.”
“Did a nice horse make you fall off?” He stared at her legs and then her face.
“No. He wasn't a nice horse. But I was pretty silly to ride him. He was a real mean horse, and I did a lot of stupid things when I was riding him.”
“Like what?”
“Gallop all over the place and take a lot of chances.” It was the first time she had been that honest with herself. It was also the first time she had talked about the accident, and she was surprised by how little it hurt. “Do you like horses, Alex?”
“I sure do. I went to the rodeo once.”
“Did you? I used to work on a ranch.”
“No, you didn't.” He looked disgusted. “Girls don't work on ranches.”
“Yes, they do. I did.”
“Did you like it?” He still looked doubtful.
“I loved it.”
“Then why did you stop?”
“Because I came back to New York.”
“How come?”
“I missed my friends.”
“Oh. You got kids?”
“Nope.” She felt a small twinge as she said it, thinking longingly of little baby Sam. “Do you have kids, Alex?” She grinned at him and he guffawed.
“Of course not. You're silly. Is your name really Sam?”
“Yup. It's really Samantha. My friends call me Sam.”
“Mine is Alexander. But only my mom calls me that.”
“Want to go for a ride?” She was feeling restless and he was as good a companion as any.
“Now?”
“Sure. Why not? You expecting a visitor?”
“No.” He looked momentarily sad again. “They just went home. I was watching them leave from the window.”
“Okay, then why don't you and I take a little tour?” She grinned mischievously at him, gave him a push to start him, and told the nurse at the desk that she was taking Alex for a ride, and the entire nurses' station waved good- bye as they headed for the elevators and from there to the gift shop on the main floor. Sam bought him a lollipop and two candy bars, and some magazines for herself. Then they decided to buy some bubble gum too and they came back to their floor, blowing bubbles and playing guessing games.
“Wanna come see my room?”
“Sure.” He had a tiny Christmas tree covered with little Snoopy decorations, and the walls were pasted with pictures and cards from his friends at school.
“I'm gonna go back too. My doctor says I don't have to go to a special school. If I do my therapy, I can be just like everyone else, almost.”
“That's what my doctor says too.”
“Do you go to school?” He looked intrigued, and she laughed.
“No. I work.”
“What do you do?”
“I work at an advertising agency, we make commercials.”
“You mean like to sell kids junk on TV? My mom says that the people who write them are ireessperonss… susperonsible, or something like that.”
“Irresponsible. Actually I write commercials to sell junk to grown-ups mostly, like cars, or pianos, or lipstick, or stuff to make you smell good.”
“Yuck.”
“Yeah, well… maybe one day I'll go back to working on a ranch.” He nodded wisely. It sounded sensible to him.
“You married, Sam?”
“Nope.”
“How come?”
“No one wants me, I guess.” She was teasing but he nodded seriously. “You married, Alex?”
“No.” He grinned. “But I've got two girl friends.”
“Two…?” And the conversation went on for hours. They shared dinner that night and Sam came back to kiss him good night and tell him a story, and when she went back to her room, she smiled peacefully to herself and attacked a stack of work.
29
Alex left the hospital in April. He went home with his mom and dad, and then back to school. He sent Sam a letter every week, telling her that he was just like the other kids again, he even went to a special baseball game every Sunday with his dad, and a bunch of other kids in wheelchairs. He dictated the letters to his mother and Sam saved them all in a special file. She sent him letters too, and bubble gum, and pictures of horses, and anything she found in the gift shop that looked like something he'd like. Their connection somehow made Sam feel stronger. More like pushing on. But the testing time for Sam came at the end of the month, when her doctor brought up the question of going home.
“Well, what do you think? Think you're ready?” She panicked at the thought and shook her head.
“Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“I don't know… I'm not sure I can manage… I'm not… my arms aren't strong enough…” Suddenly she had a thousand excuses, but that the doctor knew was normal. She felt safe in her cocoon, and she no longer wanted to leave. Doctor Nolan knew that when the time came they would have to push her gently, and she would resist them every inch of the way.
Indeed she had a comfortable routine all worked out for herself. Three hours of P.T. every morning, three hours
