“You see? For God’s sake, Deanna, it might even be Ben’s!”
But Deanna was shaking her head. “No. There’s a discrepancy of a month.”
“Could they have made a mistake? You ought to know.”
“Yes, I should, but it’s a little hard to tell. I’m irregular. That makes things very confusing. I have to rely on their theories, not mine. And they say I got pregnant in mid- to late June. It could still be Ben’s… but it’s not very likely.”
Kim sat silently for a long time, watching her friend, before she asked the one question that seemed to matter to her. The rest really did not. “Deanna, do you want the baby? I mean, if none of this existed, if they both fell off the face of the earth, and there was just you, would you want this kid? Think about it for a second before you answer.”
But she didn’t have to. Dr. Jones had asked her the same thing. She looked up at Kim with a small tender light in her eyes. “The answer is yes. Yes, I’d want it. I’d want it to be my baby. Mine.” She looked away with tears in her eyes. “And I could always tell myself it was Ben’s.”
Kim sighed and put down her cup. “Then for God’s sake, Deanna, have it. Enjoy it. Love it. Be with it. Thrive with it… but have it alone. Leave Marc, so at least you can enjoy this child.”
“I can’t. I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
She hung her head as though in shame. “The bitch of it is that I don’t know.”
27
“I don’t know, Kim. I don’t like the layouts, and the whole look just isn’t polished enough.” Ben ran a hand through his hair and stared absently at the far wall. He had been impossible to deal with all morning, and Kim knew what was distracting him as she watched him.
“Maybe if you’d gotten some sleep last night after your flight from London you’d like them a little better.” She tried to tease, but it was useless. He actually looked worse than Deanna had, and that wasn’t easy.
“Don’t be a smartass. You know the look I want.”
“All right. We’ll try again. Will you be here long enough to check them out in a couple of weeks, or are you running off again?” He had been doing a lot of that lately.
“I’m leaving for Paris next Tuesday. But I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. I have to do something about my house.”
“You’re redoing it?”
“I’m moving.”
“How come? I thought you liked it.” Over the months that Kim had been handling the account, they had become friends. And his relationship with Deanna had forged an extra bond between them.
“I can’t stand the place anymore.” Suddenly she found his eyes boring into hers. “Have you seen her?” Silently Kim nodded. “How is she?”
“All right.”
“Good. I wish I could say the same. Kim, I-I don’t know how to say it. I’m going nuts. I can’t stand it. I’ve never felt like this. Not even when my wife left me. But it just doesn’t make any sense. We had everything going for us. And I promised her… I promised that it would be just for the summer, that I wouldn’t pressure her. But, Jesus, Kim, she’s burying herself with that man. I don’t think he even loves her.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’ve never thought so either.”
“It’s not. She still decided to stay with him, no matter what you or I think. Is she happy? Is she painting?”
Kim wanted to lie to him, but she couldn’t. “No. Neither one.”
“Then why? Because of Pilar? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. She could have asked me to wait, I would have. She could have stayed with him a while. I wouldn’t have pushed her. What hold can he possibly have on her?”
“Relationships are funny that way. It’s hard for outsiders to see that. I’ve known people who hated each other and stayed married for fifty years.”
“Sounds delightful.” But as he spoke to her, his face looked grim. “I’d call her, but I don’t think I should.”
“What about you, Ben? How are you doing?” Her voice was painfully gentle.
“I’m keeping busy. I don’t have any choice. She didn’t leave me any choice.”
She wanted to tell him that he’d get over it, but it seemed cruel to her to say something like that. “Can I do anything to help?”
“Yeah. Help me kidnap her.” He looked away again. “You know, I can’t even stand looking at my Wyeth anymore, it looks so much like her.” He sighed and stood up, as though to get away from his own thoughts. “I don’t know what to do, Kim. I don’t know what the hell to do.”
“There’s nothing you can do. I wish I could help.”
“So do I. But you can’t. Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”
Kim put the ads for the gallery back in her briefcase and replaced it on the floor. It was agonizing to see him like that.
“You know, I find myself wishing I’d run into her. Every restaurant I go to, every store, even the post office, I find myself searching… as though if I look hard enough, I’ll see her face.”
“She doesn’t go out much these days.”
“Is she all right? She’s not sick, is she?” Dumbly Kim shook her head, and he went on, “I suppose the only solution is to keep moving, traveling, running.”
“You can’t do that forever.” She stood up and followed him to the door, as his eyes looked at her sadly from behind his private prison walls.
“I can try.”
28
“What did the doctor say today?” Deanna was already in bed when Marc got home. “Everything fine?”
“He said for four months I’m awfully small, but he assumes it’s just nerves and the weight I’ve lost. He wants me back in two weeks this time though, to make sure he can hear the baby’s heart. He’s still too little to hear, and Jones said he should have heard him today. Maybe in another two weeks.” But Marc didn’t look worried at any of the news. “How was your day?”
“Excessively tiresome. But we got a new case.” He looked pleased.
“Where?”
“In Amsterdam. But I’ll share it with Jim Sullivan.” He looked down at her with a smile. “I told you I wouldn’t be going away all the time. Have I been true to my word?”
“Absolutely.” This time she smiled too. He had been home for two months, and he hadn’t stirred. Not so much as a weekend trip to Paris. Not that it really mattered now. In some ways she’d have been relieved, but he had told her that it was over with that girl. “There’s no reason for you not to take the case though. When will it go to court?”
“Probably not till June. Well after the baby comes.”
The baby. It still didn’t seem real. Not to her. Only to Marc.
“Do you want something to eat? I’m going downstairs for a snack.” He looked back at her from the doorway, again with that tender smile. All he could think of now was their child, and her well-being, as it related to their son. Sometimes it touched her, most of the time it annoyed her. She knew it had nothing to do with her. It had to do with the baby. With his Heir.
“What are you going to eat, pickles and ice cream?”
“What would you prefer, Deanna? Caviar and champagne? That can be arranged too.”
“A few crackers will be fine.”
