Kimberly drove down the narrow streets of Sausalito and then into a small alley leading toward the bay. She glanced at the paper next to her on the seat and confirmed that she was going the right way. Another turn, another alley, a dead end, and then she was there. There was a tiny white-picket fence, a huge bush covered with daisies, and a little house hidden beyond. It was the gem Deanna had described, and Kimberly loved it on sight. Her arms were filled with packages, and she wrestled to reach the bell. A moment later Deanna pulled open the door.
Deanna was wearing jeans and red espadrilles and a full, red sweater over a bright yellow blouse. Her hair was held up in a knot, and there was a gentle smile for her friend in her eyes.
“Merry Christmas, madam. I’m so glad you could come!” She held out her arms to Kim, and they hugged. “I only left you two weeks ago, and I’m already homesick.”
“Don’t be. This is divine.” Kim followed her inside and looked around. Deanna had been working industriously, painting the kitchen, cleaning the floors. In the corner there was a tiny Christmas tree with silvery balls and blinking lights. There were three packages under the tree, and they were all marked KIM.
“Well, do you really like it?” Deanna looked like a little girl as she grinned. For the first time in a long time she looked happy and at peace. In only a few weeks she had found something of herself. There was not a great deal of furniture in the bright little front room, but what she had was comfortable and inviting. There was wicker, freshly painted white, and a wonderful old couch she had reupholstered in a soft blue. There were plants everywhere, and old bottles filled with flowers. Some of her favorite paintings hung on the walls, and she had bought a wonderful, richly patterned carpet. There were copper pots on the mantelpiece and brass candlesticks on a little wooden dining table just large enough for two, and the room had boasted a small bronze chandelier of its own. She had made the curtains herself out of a starched, lacy fabric she’d found in a trunk. She looked as though she’d lived there for years. There was one tiny bedroom she’d endowed with a wonderful old print wallpaper in a warm, dusty rose, and another tiny bedroom next to it, empty save for a bassinet and a rocking horse, huddled near the door.
Kim looked around appreciatively and settled herself in a chair. “I’m in love with it, Deanna. Can I stay?”
“For at least a year. But I think you’d find it has a few kinks. The hot water comes and goes, the oven takes about a week to warm up, the windows stick, the chimney smokes…” She grinned. “But I love it. Isn’t it just like a little dollhouse?”
“Exactly. I like it much better than my place, which has absolutely no charm.”
“Yours has more class. But this will do.” No one would have believed that a month before she’d been living in grandeur. She seemed perfectly happy to be where she was. “Coffee?” she asked. Kim nodded. Deanna disappeared, then returned with two steaming mugs.
“So what’s new?” But the easel in the corner of the kitchen told her what she had been wondering. Deanna was already back at work.
“I’m painting again.” She looked happy and proud.
“So I see. What are you going to do with them?”
“Sell them probably. I’ve already sold two or three. They paid for the furniture, the dishes, the sheets.” Three paintings and the jade-and-diamond earrings. But she didn’t explain that to Kim. And she didn’t give a damn. There was nothing left that she wanted, except her child now. The rest didn’t matter anymore. Not at all.
“Where are you selling them?” Kim looked at her with a purpose in mind, but Deanna saw her coming.
“Never mind that.” She grinned and took a sip of her tea.
“Why don’t you at least let him sell your paintings for chrissake? You don’t have to see him.” Kim had seen him only last week, and he looked like hell. She wanted to slip him Deanna’s address, but she knew she couldn’t. Deanna had to find her way back to him herself. If she ever did. Kim was beginning to doubt it. Deanna seemed happier by herself. “Why don’t you at least call Ben about your work?”
“Don’t be silly, Kim. What would that prove? I can’t. And he’d probably spit in my eye if I called him and asked him to handle my work.”
“I doubt that.” But maybe she was right. He never asked Kim how she was anymore. It was a silent agreement between them. Neither of them spoke of Deanna. Kim understood. “What about Marc? Have you heard anything from him?”
Deanna shook her head. “I called him once after I spoke to my lawyer. He understands. There’s no argument really.”
“Do you think he’ll marry that girl?”
Deanna sighed and then looked up with a smile. “Maybe. She’s living with him at the house. But I think”-the smile slowly faded-“I think this has all been kind of a shock. A lot has happened to both of us this year.”
For a moment Kim wondered if Deanna missed him; she looked as though she did. Maybe it was merely a question of habit. In any event she had certainly come a long way.
“How do you know he’s living with that girl?” It seemed an unusually honest admission for Marc to have made.
“Margaret told me when I called one day to see how she was. Apparently she’s quitting next month. It’s probably just as well. He doesn’t need any more reminders of me around there. We might as well all get a fresh start.”
“Is that what you’re doing?” Kim asked. Deanna nodded with another smile.
“It’s not always easy, but I am. The house keeps me busy, and my work. I want to fix up the nursery next month. I found some adorable fabric. And I want to do some funny little Mother Goose people for the walls.”
Kimberly smiled at her and they settled back for a nicy cozy chat. It was after five o’clock when Deanna finally got up and turned on all the lights.
“Good Lord, we’ve been sitting here in the dark.”
“And I really ought to get home. I still have to cross the bridge. Are you doing anything for Christmas, by the way?” But she was almost sure she was not.
Deanna shook her head. “This isn’t really the year for that. I think I’ll enjoy spending it quietly… here.” Kim nodded and felt a pang of guilt.
“I’m going up to the mountains for some skiing. Want to come?”
Deanna laughed and pointed at her now swelling stomach. She was at last almost five months, and now the evidence tallied with the dates. She had a nice round little tummy under her blouse. She patted it with a warm smile and looked at Kim.
“I don’t think I’ll be doing much skiing this year.”
“I know, but you could come up anyway.”
“And freeze? No, I’d much rather be here.”
“All right. But I’ll leave you my number. You can call if you need me, you know.”
“I know. I know.” She scooped up Kim’s presents, then loaded them into her arms and looked warmly at the things Kim had left under her tree. “Merry Christmas, love. I hope it’s a beautiful year.”
Kim looked smilingly down at her friend’s growing waistline and nodded. “It will be.”
35
Christmas came and went without any of the splendor or ceremony of years gone by. There were no expensive peignoirs from Pilar, selected by her and charged to her father’s account. There was no French perfume in crystal bottles, no diamond earrings, no fur. There were four presents from Kim, opened at midnight on the first Christmas Eve she had ever spent alone. She had been afraid of it at first, afraid of what it would be like to be alone, afraid that she wouldn’t be able to stand the loneliness or the pain. But it wasn’t lonely. And it was only a little bit sad. She found herself missing Marc and Pilar, because Christmas had always been theirs-the celebration, the noise, the ham or the goose or the turkey, Margaret in the kitchen, and mountains of boxes under the tree. It was the activity she missed, more than the riches; it was the faces she missed late at night. Pilar’s young shining one, and Marc’s in the days of long ago. There was no reaching back to them now though, they were irretrievably gone. It never occurred to her to call Marc, to hear his voice in the middle of the night. She drank hot chocolate and sat near her tree. But it did occur to her to call Ben. She guessed that he was in Carmel. Was he also alone?
In the distance, she could hear carolers wandering past, and she found herself humming “Silent Night” as she undressed. She was less tired than she had been in months, feeling better in fact than she had in a very long time.
