Vanished

angels' wings, and Malcolm said she looked like a goddess when he saw her. She won the attention of the Whytes' dinner guests too, everyone was in awe of how she looked, and most of the men told Malcolm how lucky he was to have a wife half his age, and so incredibly lovely.

She was quiet that night on the way home from the party, and he told her again how beautiful she had looked. She smiled her thanks, but she was thinking about Charles and the threats he had made in the park about Teddy. She decided that Charles was just enraged, she was sure that he would never harm a child, hers, or anyone else's. He was just frustrated at her refusal to see him and he didn't know what else to do, except threaten. But she was glad she had decided not to see him. It would have just fanned old flames, and made them both unhappy. Had things been different between them, she would have told Malcolm, but under the circumstances, she knew she couldn't. He had no idea how important Charles had been to her, or that he'd even existed, let alone that they'd been married and had a child, who had died, or what reason Charles might have to resent Teddy.

“You seem preoccupied.” He had noticed it too, but it gave her a dreamy look that made her seem even more beautiful, and for the first time in a long time, he found he wanted her, which surprised him.

“I was just thinking.”

“What about?”

“Nothing special.”

“Well, you look very special to me.” She smiled again, still looking distracted, and for reasons of his own, Malcolm decided not to pursue it.

One of the maids had stayed up to help her undress, and Marielle put her jewelry away, and went to bed. And as she lay there, she thought about Charles and the things he had said in the park…but tonight, when she slept, she didn't dream about Andre…but of Teddy.

4

Marielle took Teddy to see Snow White the following afternoon. It was playing at the Radio City Music Hall, and they went to Schrafft's for hot chocolate afterward. It was a perfect afternoon for both of them. Teddy said he loved it when Miss Griffin had a day off, which made Marielle wish, more than ever, that she would leave them. It reminded her to broach the subject again with Malcolm. He still thought that Miss Griffin did the boy good, she instilled manners in him, and according to Malcolm, as far as governesses went, there was nobody like the British. But she was far from their minds as Marielle and Teddy drove home again, and that night she gave him a bath in her own enormous marble bathtub, and he loved it. They used tons of bubble bath and got it all over the bathroom, and Edith, the redheaded Irish girl, looked furious when she saw it. She was supposed to be baby-sitting for Teddy that night, but she had long since made other plans with Patrick. They were going to a Christmas dance at the Irish Dance Hall in the Bronx, and she had already gotten Betty, the young kitchenmaid, to agree to come up and baby-sit for him while she went out. And when she got back, she would slip a five-dollar bill into Betty's hand, get into the bed in the nursery spare room, and nobody would be the wiser. So she didn't appreciate the mess they had made, and the fact that she'd have to clean it up before she went anywhere, unless she could get one of the others to do it for her, which was unlikely.

Marielle had dinner with Teddy in the nursery sitting room that night, and she read him a story before he went to bed. Later she sang Christmas carols to him and stroked his hair, and he fell asleep as he lay next to his mother in his red pajamas. It was a far cry from his swift, brisk good nights, and the freezing cold open windows he experienced with Miss Griffin. And Marielle slid gently off his bed so as not to wake him.

As she walked back downstairs to her own rooms, Marielle wondered if she was spoiling him, as Miss Griffin said, and if she was, if it really mattered. Lately, Marielle had been spending more and more time with him, and she seemed to be having trouble keeping her distance. Her old fears about getting too close seemed to have been cast to the winds, and she thrived on being with him. And if she loved him too much, what harm could it do? What difference could it make? She was so lucky to have him. And she refused to let herself believe that anything could happen. Malcolm was right, she worried about too many things, and it was time she stopped it.

She went to bed with a copy of Rebecca, and Malcolm called her from Washington when he returned from dinner. It was after ten o'clock, and he said he had had a delightful evening. He had dined with Harry Hopkins, who would be replacing Daniel Roper as Secretary of Commerce in the next two weeks, although it was still very much a secret. Louis Howe, FDR's right-hand man, had been there too. And they had talked extensively about FDR's feelings about Europe. He was beginning to feel that war was inevitable, but he still hoped that with any luck at all, it could be avoided.

The German ambassador had told Malcolm how well things were going in Berlin. There was no doubt that the German army was stepping up its activities, but he assured Malcolm that his investments were safe there. And when Malcolm questioned him, the ambassador admitted that the business of Kristallnacht had been an embarrassment, but on the other hand what Hitler was doing for Germany industrially could change the entire world for the better. Malcolm was deeply excited to be involved, and he told Marielle that it had been interesting sharing some of the latest developments with Howe and Roper, and the men they'd brought with them. Malcolm colm said he could see an extraordinary future ahead for Germany and all her allies, and Marielle was touched that he had called to share his excitement with her.

He was going back to Germany again soon, and as usual, she was planning to stay home with Teddy.

“How was the movie, by the way?” He loved hearing about the boy. Next to Germany, the child was his greatest passion.

“Teddy loved it.”

“I knew he would. I hear it's terrific. Maybe we'll take him again.” Even though he was away more and more, he still liked doing things with them. She was so sweet to the boy, and it was obvious that despite her other anxieties, she was a good mother. Malcolm yawned then, and Marielle smiled. It had been a long day for him, and not as relaxing as hers, going to the movies, and giving bubble baths to Teddy. As they finished the conversation, she heard an odd noise in the hall, like someone bumping into things, and then footsteps on the stairs. She listened for a minute, but it was quiet again and she decided it was nothing.

“You'd better get some sleep,” she told Malcolm. “You must have a long day ahead tomorrow. Will you be back tomorrow night?” She had forgotten to ask him when he'd left, they had both been so busy.

“More like Tuesday. I may want to have dinner with the German ambassador tomorrow night, if he's free. We have meetings tomorrow afternoon, and we'll see then. But in any case, I think it makes more sense to come back on Tuesday. I'll call you tomorrow evening.”

“I'll talk to you then. And Malcolm…good luck with your meetings…” She felt grateful to him again suddenly. He had given her so much, and he asked for so little.

“Take care of yourself, Marielle. Well have a nice evening together when I come home.” And soon there would be Christmas. With Teddy, it was a magical time which meant a great deal to both of them. For Malcolm, never having had children before, it was like a whole new life, and he couldn't wait to give the boy his train, and show him the room that had been specially built to house it.

She hung up after the call from Washington, and lay in the dark for a long time, thinking about him, and his many virtues. But two hours later, she was still awake, she couldn't sleep thinking of Charles and what he'd said at the boat pond. And she prayed this didn't mean she was getting one of her headaches. It had been a difficult few days after running into Charles twice, and sometimes insomnia meant that the next day she would be felled by a migraine. She decided to get up, and with a small smile, she began to mount the stairs to the third floor, silent and barefoot. She was going to give him one more kiss as he slept, touch his hair, and just watch him for a minute before she went back to her own bed. She noticed that someone had dropped a