firmly.
“I'd like to come out and see you at the airport before I go,” he said to Fat after they shook hands.
“Anytime. You going back to San Francisco?”
“Actually, I was wondering… I was kind of hoping maybe you could use another pair of hands… I… I wouldn't mind sticking around and doing some flying.”
“We could use a flier like you, lad. Come by and see me tomorrow morning.”
Billy thanked him profusely, and they all said goodbye again. His friends were all going home the next day, and Billy looked thrilled to be staying.
“What do we need another hotshot kid for?” Nick asked Fat, with a look of annoyance.
“You planning to spend the rest of your life flying nights?” Pat asked with a look of amusement. “Don't worry. I don't think he's her type.” Her father grinned ruefully and for the first time in years, Nick blushed, and turned away from his old friend. “I might remind you though, Nick Calvin, she's engaged to the Strong boy, and shell marry him eventually, if I have anything to say about it. She needs a man firmly planted on the ground, not up in the sky, like the two of us.” He meant what he said, but what he'd seen in Nick's eyes that day intrigued him. There was something very powerful there, between the two of them, though he suspected that Cassie was too young to know it. But he also knew that Nick was wise enough not to be carried away by his own emotions.
They headed for the O'Malley home then, where Oona had promised to cook them dinner.
She was amazed to hear of Cassie's wins when they got home. In most ways, it had been a good day. But the death of Jim Bradshaw had spoiled
“I'm sorry… I… they told me there was an accident…” His eyes filled with tears again, and they all felt sorry for him. It was easy to see what he'd thought, and Cassie got up and went to him.
“I'm sorry. It was Jim Bradshaw,” she said softly.
“Oh, my God. Poor Peggy.” She was a widow at nineteen and alone with two children. Bobby seemed overcome at the thought of it, but what had upset him so terribly was the fear that it could have been Cassie who was killed. And no one he talked to seemed to know what had happened.
They went out to sit on the porch quietly, and Cassie closed the door. You couldn't hear anything from inside the room, but they could still see how distressed he looked, as he talked to her. And she just sat there and nodded.
He was telling her that he couldn't live like this anymore, just being engaged to her, not going anywhere, not getting married, and never being entirely sure if they even had a future. He knew that she wanted to finish school, but he wasn't sure he could wait two more years. His father was so ill now, and his mother was so dependent on him. He seemed overwhelmed by all of it, and it was obvious to her that he needed her to help him. But it was equally obvious to both of them that she wasn't prepared to give up everything, and be what he needed.
“And this flying thing.” He looked at her, his eyes filled with anguish. “I can't live like this. I keep thinking you're going to be killed… and today… you could have been… you could have been…” He started to cry and she put her arms around him and held him.
“Oh, poor Bobby… poor Bobby… it's all right… shhh…” It was like consoling one of her nephews. But she understood now that there was too much on his shoulders and she was only part of that burden. He desperately needed someone to help. He was only twenty-one, barely more than a boy himself, and he deserved so much more than she had to give, and they both knew it. As she comforted him, she gently slipped his ring off her finger, and pressed it into his hand. ‘You deserve so much,” she whispered to him, “you deserve everything, and I have a long, long road ahead of me. I know that now. I was never sure of it before, but I am now.” She wanted life and freedom and flying. And now that her father accepted her, maybe she could have all those things. But she couldn't give Bobby Strong what he deserved, and in truth it was the last thing she wanted.
“Are you going to keep flying, Cass?” he asked miserably, sniffing like a small child, while the members of her family in the main room tried to ignore them.
“I am,” she nodded at him. “I have to. It's my life.”
“Don't get hurt… oh God, Cassie… don't get hurt… I love you… I thought you were dead today.” He was sobbing again and she felt terrible for him. She could only imagine what it must have been like. Just as it had been for Peggy Bradshaw.
“I'm okay… I'm fine…” She smiled up at him with tears in her own eyes. “You deserve wonderful things, Bobby, not someone like me. Find yourself a good wife, Bobby Strong. You deserve it.”
“Will you stay here?” he asked curiously, and it seemed an odd question to her. She had nowhere else to go, and she had always lived there.
“Where else would I go?”
“I don't know,” he smiled sadly, holding her ring. He missed her already. “You seem so free to me. Sometimes I hate our damn grocery store, and all the problems that go with it.”
“You're going to do great things,” she said confidently, sure that it was a lie, but he deserved all the encouragement she could give him.
“Do you really think so, Cass?” He sighed then, thinking of his life. “The funny thing is I just want to be married and have kids.”
“And I don't.” She grinned. “That's the trouble.”
“I hope you do one day. Maybe well find each other again,” he said hopefully, wanting to pursue the dream again. She had always seemed so exciting to him, maybe even too much so.
But she shook her head as she looked at him. She was wiser than he was.
“Don't wait for that. Go get what you want.”
“I love you, Cass.”
“I love you too,” she whispered as she hugged him again and then stood up. “Do you want to come inside?” she asked, but he shook his head, tears bright in his eyes.
“I guess I better go.” She nodded, and he slipped the ring into his pocket. He stopped for a long moment, and looked at her again, and then he turned and hurried off the porch before he started crying again. And Cassie went hack inside and sat down. No one asked her anything, but they could all guess what had just happened. Nick glanced at her finger, and he wasn't surprised not to see the ring. In fact, he was relieved not to see it. Now all he had to worry about was Billy Nolan.
9
The next morning, as Cassie lay in bed, thinking of the day before, she realized with a start that she was no longer engaged. She wasn't sure it changed anything, but suddenly she felt as though she didn't belong to anyone. It was partially very exciting, and in some ways suddenly very lonely.
But she had known all along it was wrong, she just hadn't had the courage to say it. But that night, it had seemed so cruel to go on torturing him, to make him wait another two years, and then tell him she still wasn't ready. She didn't think she ever would be, not for a life like his or for him, and now she really knew that.
She made herself breakfast, and saw a note from her mother, saying she had gone to take care of Glynnis's kids again, and she doubted if she'd be home in time to make dinner. Chris had left another note saying he'd be out with friends, and half an hour later, Cassie had showered, dressed, and gotten herself to the airport. She put on a clean pair of overalls and fueled some planes, and it was noon before she saw either Nick or her father.
“Sleeping till noon these days, Cass?” Nick teased. “Or just resting on your laurels?”
“Oh don't be such a smartass. I was here at nine. I was just doing some work in the back hangar.”
“Yeah? Well, I've got a run for you today, if you want it.”
“Where to?” She was intrigued.
“Indiana. A little cargo, and some mail, and a quick stop in Chicago on the way back. It shouldn't take too long. You should be home in time for dinner. You can fly the Handley.”
