“You really ought to do something for your face,” she told me.
The funny thing was that her harping on it didn’t irritate me. She gave me the distinct impression that it really made her feel uncomfortable for me to be uncomfortable, and how could I resent that? So we discussed my face until Wolfe finally dived into an opening.
“You wanted to see me, madam, did you?” She turned to him, and her manner changed completely, possibly because he didn’t have bruises and red spots.
“Yes, I did,” she said crisply. “I thoroughly disapprove of what my husband has done, engaging you to investigate the death of Waldo Moore. What good can it possibly do?” “I’m sure I don’t know.” Wolfe was leaning back, with his forearms paralleled on the arms of his chair. “That’s a question for your husband. If you don’t like his engaging me you should persuade him to disengage me.” “I can’t. I’ve been trying to. He’s being extremely stubborn about it, and that’s why I came to see you.” Good for Jasper, I thought, but who the hell stuck a ramrod down his spine?
Mrs. Pine went on. “I suppose, of course, my husband has committed himself-or rather, the firm. If you withdraw from it, now, there’ll be no difficulty about that. I’ll pay whatever it comes to.” “What good would that do you?” Wolfe inquired testily. I won’t go so far as to say that he never liked women, but he sure didn’t like women who picked up the ball and started off with it. “Your husband would hire someone else. Besides, madam, while I like to charge high prices for doing something, I haven’t formed the habit of charging for doing nothing, and I won’t start with you. No.
Obviously you’re accustomed to getting what you want, but there must be some other way of doing it. What is it you want?” Mrs. Pine turned to me. For a second I thought she was going to revert to my face, but instead she asked, “What’s he like, Archie? Is he as stubborn as he sounds?” The Archie from her came perfectly natural. “From him,” I told her, “I would call that almost flabby.” “Good heavens.” She regarded Wolfe with interest but with no sign of dismay. “I presume,” she said abruptly, “you know that Waldo Moore was at one time a close friend of mine?” Wolfe nodded. “I have been told so. By Mr. Goodwin. He got his information from a newspaperman. Apparently it is known.” “Yes, of course. That’s the advantage of not trying to hide things; things that people know about are taken for granted. But permitting people to know about them, and permitting them to be publicly discussed in newspapers-that’s a very different thing. Do you suppose for a moment, Mr. Wolfe, that I am going to sit and do nothing while you make pictures for tabloids out of my private life?
While you make a public sensation out of the death of Waldo Moore?” “Certainly not, madam.” Wolfe was still testy. “It’s quite plain that you aren’t going to sit and do nothing. You aren’t now. You’ve come here to see me at half-past two in the morning. By the way, you must have asked that same question of your husband. What did he say?” “He says it will not become a public sensation. He says that all he is after is to stop the gossip at the office and make it impossible for my brother to start it again. But I don’t care to run that risk and I don’t intend to.” “What does your brother say? Have you discussed it with him?” That pricked her skin. Since I had not yet been told to take notes I was able to give her face my full attention, and that was the first sign it showed of needing to go into conference. She pressed her lips together and said nothing.
It occurred to me that it seemed to run in the family, since at my so-called lunch with Kerr Naylor the first and only time he had paused to think had been when his sister had been inserted into the conversation.
She finally spoke. “I don’t know what is in my brother’s mind-not exactly. He won’t tell me, though he usually does. He is a-very peculiar man. He dislikes my husband and all of the other top men in the company -all except one or two.” Wolfe grunted. “Does he dislike you?” “Why, no. No!” “Then why doesn’t he stop his flummery about murder when you ask him to?” “He doesn’t-” She stopped, then went on, “That’s interesting, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but my brother says exactly what my husband says, that there’s no danger of it’s becoming public. But I don’t care what they say, there’s still a risk, and I have always believed in doing anything within reason to avoid unnecessary risks. If my husband and my brother are both going to act like spoiled brats-actually making idiots of themselves in my opinion-then I’ll have to take things into my own hands.” She looked at me, and immediately became a different woman. “It seems a little chilly in here, Archie. May I have my coat?” I thought no wonder, since she was still dressed for the theater, with nothing above the bra line but skin. For her age, which must surely have been mine plus ten, the skin was absolutely acceptable. I got the coat and draped it over her shoulders, and she smiled up at me for thanks, and I went and upped the thermostat a notch.
She resumed on Wolfe. “The best way, I thought, would be to deal directly with you. Perhaps you’re quite right-if you simply quit, as I asked, my husband would engage someone else. Then why not let him have what he wants? Apparently he wants you to investigate, and my brother does too, so why not? You will be paid whatever has been agreed on, and in addition I will give you my personal check, and you can’t possibly object that I am paying you for nothing, because you will give me your guarantee that the investigation will not-let’s see-that no publicity will result. It doesn’t matter how we put it so long as we understand what we mean. The check could be for-ten thousand dollars?” Wolfe was shaking his head at her. “For heaven’s sake,” he muttered incredulously. “Do you realize you’re offering to pay me to keep a secret?” Her eyes widened. “I am not! What secret?” “I don’t know. Yet. But your husband-or his firm, in which you are the largest stockholder-is paying me to discover something, and you want to pay me to conceal it if and when I discover it. You called your husband and brother idiots, but what do you call yourself? You offer ten thousand dollars. You assume that I am capable of double-dealing. If I am, why should I stop there?
Why not a hundred thousand, a million? Madam, you’re an imbecile.” She ignored the compliment and was concentrating on the logic. “That’s silly,” she said scornfully. “Would I have come to you like this if I hadn’t known your reputation? That would be blackmailing, and you’re not a crook!” Wolfe was speechless, which was one more piece of evidence that he didn’t understand women half as well as he did men. I got her with no trouble at all.
Her position was simply that if he double-crossed Naylor-Kerr, Inc., there would be nothing crooked about it because that was what she wanted, whereas if he double-crossed or blackmailed her he would be a snide, a louse, and a blackguard; and she knew his reputation, and he wasn’t.
Seeing there was no meeting of minds and one wasn’t likely, I put in, “Look, Mrs. Pine, it won’t work that way, really it won’t. You can’t bribe him or threaten him.” She gazed at me, and evidently I wasn’t Archie any more, at least not at the moment.
“I haven’t tried to threaten him,” she stated.
“I know you haven’t. I just put that in.” She looked at Wolfe, and then back at me. “But-” She was inspecting an idea. “It should be possible to have his license revoked. With the taxes I pay and the people I know, I should be able to do that. Doesn’t a detective have to have a license?” That nearly made me speechless too, but somebody had to keep up our end. “He sure does,” I told her, “and I’m one too. You might try that, Alice, but I doubt if you’ll get anywhere.” “My name is Cecily.” “I know it is. I meant Alice in Wonderland. You remind me of her.” “That’s a wonderful book,” she declared. “I read it over again just recently.
Are you men partners?” “No, I work for him.” “I don’t see why. I don’t see how you can stand him. How much would it take for you to go into business for yourself?” “Pfui,” Wolfe interposed. “This is tommy-rot. You would find, madam, if you made the slightest effort, that I am a reasonable man. Do you want a suggestion from
