back, not to mention Sarah and Angela and Rebecca. They’ll be fine. I promise you.”
I looked up slowly. I took a deep breath. “I know. But they can’t prepare if they don’t know what’s coming. Even I can be ambushed. So can Charlie. So can anyone.” I dropped my head down to stare back at the table.
Duncan was silent as Tommy came back down from the roof. He moved his wiry frame in next to Duncan.
“John?” Tommy asked.
I looked up. “What?”
“If you want to head back, I’m with you. This whole mission can go scratch if it means we lose our loved ones,” he said.
I thought about that. Losing our loved ones. Losing everything we held dear. My mind made connections without my intent and I was reminded of an essay I read years ago about what happened to the signers of the Declaration of Independence. Various accounts abound, but the gist was they knew what they were getting into and they knew what the penalty might be for failure. They put their lives and the lives of their loved ones at risk because they believed in a cause greater than themselves. I thought about what we were doing. Was this a cause greater than ourselves? Was this the only chance our country would have?
On the outside, I had to think yes. We had to use the founding documents to forge a new future from the ashes of the Upheaval. We had to say once and for all we would fight. We had to have something to fight for and those documents would cement our belief that we were a country worth saving.
I must have looked calmer because Tommy looked at me quizzically.
“What?” he asked.
“We’ll go on. We’ll have to have faith that Charlie will be vigilant and be able to take care of things back home,” I said.
“Are you sure?” Duncan asked.
I nodded. “If something happens, then we have a new mission.”
Tommy and Duncan nodded. They knew exactly what I was talking about. If Thorton succeeded in hurting our loved ones, there would be nowhere on earth he could run to.
Our little powwow was interrupted by Nate slamming open the RV door. “Talon! Get your dumbass out here, right now!”
Confused, I got up and went over to the door, stepping outside and away from the RV. Nate was standing about fifteen feet away, taking off his weapons and gear. When he finished, he turned back to me and crossed his massive arms, glowering at me the whole time.
“Before you try to deny anything, shithead, I will tell you that I saw you take down those three zombies on the hill,” he started.
I began to speak, but he interrupted.
“ Shut up! I ain’t done here. This is a lecture, not a fucking debate! When the hell did you get so damn stupid? You had firepower, but you still took on three zombies in close quarters!” Nate’s voice rose. “What the fuck were you thinking? Are you trying to die? You got people counting on you here and people counting on you at home. You ain’t no good dead, you hear me?”
My eyes narrowed. I walked up to Nate until I was staring him in the face. “You’re out of line. You went out zombie hunting when Thorton came back on the radio. He and I spoke.”
Nate’s face softened somewhat. “About what?”
My tone hardened as I punctuated the words. “He and I spoke about how he knew about me and where my family lived. He and I spoke about how he sent ten men up there to deal with my family. He and I spoke about how I might get back in time to see his Captain kill my son.”
I stepped even closer and dropped my voice. “So you might see where I would need to release a little anger, hmm?”
Nate looked down and I decided to step back. As I was turning away, he fired another shot.
“It doesn’t change the fact that what you did was stupid. You can make a mistake too and get yourself killed. Then where would Jake be?” Nate asked.
I spun on my heel, my anger building again at the mention of my son. “I trust Charlie to do the right thing. Just like he trusts me to do the right thing. Could I have used a little better judgment? Maybe. But if I hadn’t released that way, somebody really would have gotten killed. I don’t need a lecture on tactics. Not anymore.”
Nate looked hurt and then angry. “You think you’re the best one out there, then?”
I stepped close again, keeping my voice low. “You’re one of my best friends, Nate and I consider you a brother. I trust you with my life. I’ve trusted you with my son’s life in the past. But if you’re going where I think you’re going, stop it now.”
Nate stared hard at me. “Why?”
I was brutally honest. “You’re not good enough. You used to be, but not anymore.”
I could see the flash of pain cross Nate’s eyes before it was replaced with anger and worse, pride.
“Think it’s time we found out just who was best.” Nate snarled, uncrossing his arms and flexing his big hands, stepping away to give himself some room.
Duncan and Tommy started from the RV, but I waved them off. I circled with Nate, keeping an eye on his feet and hands.
I tried to talk him out of it. “Doesn’t have to be this way, Nate. We start fighting each other, Thorton wins.”
Nate spat on the ground between us. “This ain’t got nothing to do with Thorton. It’s about respect.”
I considered that, then abruptly pulled my SIG, firing a round in between Nate’s feet. He jumped back and put a hand on his gun, but I stopped him.
“ Don’t! Don’t make me kill you, Nate.” I pointed the gun at his head. It hurt like hell to have to pull a gun on one of my closest friends, but I needed to shock him back to reality.
“We can’t fight, Nate. You’re still very good and one of us would get killed. How would either of us go on after that? I couldn’t face your wife and tell her I had killed you in a stupid fight any more than you could face mine. I’m better than you because I always went out to face the zombies, I went to Coal City, I went to State Center Bravo. I brought those women back from the slavers in the dead of night. I’ve led the assaults to clear the land of zombies so families could live in safety. I’ve spent the last two years fighting nearly every day. I don’t fear the zombies anymore, Nate. They’re just a part of the landscape I have to deal with.
I holstered my gun. “But what I did was easy. You stayed behind and dealt with all the bullshit that rebuilding a community takes. You kept the people going, kept them fed, kept them trained so they could live. Your job was harder and I know I couldn’t have done it. But we can’t fight, Nate. We need each other to make this work. I clear the way and you bring the community in to retake what was lost. Without you, I’m just killing zombies for the hell of it.”
Nate’s eyes lost all their anger. He looked down, then back up at me. “Don’t know what came over me. Guess I just worry about you, sometimes.”
That was as close to an apology as I was going to get. I offered one of my own. “We’re all stressed. Let’s save it for Thorton.” I walked over to Nate and offered my hand. He looked at it for a second, then shook it. I drew him in for a quick hug.
“Like a brother,” was all I said.
Nate nodded. “Same here, man.”
We let go and walked back to the RV. As we were climbing aboard, Duncan whispered to me. “Would you have shot him?”
I looked over at Nate, who was chatting with Tommy up in the front of the RV.
“Yes.” Nothing more needed to be said. I knew deep down, fundamentally, my friendship with Nate just changed.
20
Thorton chuckled as he put away the microphone, but that was purely for the men who were in the room
