I accepted the reprimand. It was true that his rooms had been left in some disarray, although I had not personally been responsible for much that had gone on and for the life of me I did not know what I could have done to persuade our guests to behave with more decorum. I decided to change the subject.
'The blackmailer's photographs,' I said. 'There appear to be two sets: one that was presented to Lady M-as evidence of her activities, and a second, sent to you by her husband with a request that you discover the identities of the intruding members. You suggested when Lady M-first arrived that the pictures had been taken by her husband. Surely he would have recognised the gentlemen involved. Or at least some of them?'
'The answer to your question, Scott, is that, whilst he took the photographs, he was not actually present at the time.' 'I don't understand,' I said.
'The explanation is quite simple,' said Holmes. 'Last night, I took the liberty of inspecting the marital bedroom at Lady M-'s. I found a thin but strong wire attached to one of the legs of the bed. It led through a small hole carefully bored in the wainscoting, into the next room, up the wall and back into a loft space immediately above the bedroom. A spyhole had been cut in the ceiling. It was almost invisible from below since there is some intricate plaster moulding that hides it. I peered through the hole. It is lined up precisely on the bed. In the loft were traces of powder burns and indentations in the dust.
'A camera must have been positioned there, lined up on the bed. Because of the restricted field of vision, only a few square inches of any visitor could be seen.'
'And the camera would be triggered off by any pronounced movement of the bed,' I said. 'Such as that occasioned by a bout of fucking.'
'Precisely,' said Holmes. 'Exposure below would be followed by exposure above. No doubt there were many times when the bodies were not lined up with the lens and nothing of interest was recorded, but so great and so frequent is that poor creature's need for consolation in her unhappy marriage, that some at least were likely to be recorded in flagrante delicto as the lawyers would say.'
'And you have in fact made some identifications of the instruments of pleasure involved?' I asked.
'I have narrowed down the field considerably,' said Holmes, 'to the point where I could make a positive identification with only a little more research if I so chose.' He drew out the portfolio and showed it to me.
'For instance, this fellow here,' he continued, picking one specimen out. 'What do you make of that?'
I scrutinised the proffered print. 'There seem to be indentations on it,' I said.
'Precisely,' Holmes said. 'Those are literally indentations. It has been recently bitten. Notice an irregularity in the markings. You will have discerned when Lady M-smiles, that she has a small gap between two of her front teeth. I am prepared to wager that she is the biter. In addition Dr Motson, if he were here, would doubtless be able to confirm that the extent of the injuries is such that the victim would have had to seek medical treatment after the event. There are only two doctors in London who specialise in such matters. I will not name names but one is By Appointment to the Prince of Wales while the other is a Harley Street man with a practice consisting largely of military patients. Either, if it was explained that this was a matter of National importance, would doubtless be prepared to tell me in the strictest confidence if they had treated such a wound recently. However, as I said, I do not intend to pursue the matter any further.'
'What of the others?' I asked.
'The one with the Masonic insignia tattooed on the foreskin: that is the mark of a very secret lodge restricted to senior members of the Church of England. Among their number, the Bishop of Y-has a reputation in clerical circles for his zealousness in offering spiritual comfort to unhappy women, especially among the aristocracy.'
'And the remainder?'
'These two would appear to be identical twins. They could almost be the same member except that in one case, it has been recently exposed to the elements while the other is a very pale specimen. So we are looking for brothers, one of whom regularly engages in open air fucking. A countryman, in all probability a Scotsman, ever prepared to lift up his kilt as he goes about his country pursuits. His brother I suspect would prove to be a town dweller. Both were captured on the same occasion judging by the similar wrinkles in the small area of bed linen visible. So I suspect that we are looking at a Scotsman who is in Town, visiting his twin brother. An estate North of the Border and a business in London points to an interest in the whisky trade. The McShaftoe of that Ilk and his brother, known in his locality as the Bane of Speyside, are the most likely candidates.'
'Amazing!' I said. 'And have you made any more identifications?'
'One,' he said. 'Where have you seen something like this before?'
He held out a further print. I peered closely at it. There was indeed a familiarity about the object of our attentions. Suddenly I remembered.
'The other dildo!' I said. 'This is the original of the Gewirtz instrument. The one that was signed.'
'I took the liberty of inspecting it after it had been laid out to dry by the sink in the kitchen,' said Holmes. 'A remarkable piece of work.'
'What do you intend to do with the photographs, assuming that we are successful in our interview with Lord M-?' I asked.
'Lady M-'s set, I will return to her. She may wish to destroy them or to keep them as souvenirs. That is up to her. The original plates will be destroyed and the second set of prints will be lodged in my forensic library. They may come in handy at some time in the future. A good reference library is invaluable to the detective.'
I recalled Rosie the Errant Schoolgirl.
'A friend of mine is in a position to lay her hands on a magnificent collection of photographic records of female bottoms,' I said. 'Many of them are those of the pupils at a well-thought-of school in the West Country. The owner is in the process of developing a system of identification and classification of types based on the human bum. It is his life's work and he has sacrificed much to continue his work.'
'I should like to hear his theory,' said Holmes. 'You must put me in touch with him. The scientific mind must be encouraged.'
Shortly afterwards, the cab slowed to a halt.
'Ah, we have arrived,' said Holmes. 'Now to beard the beast in his den.'
'I do not intend to describe the painful interview that followed. Suffice it to say that we left a broken man in Lancaster Gate. The threat of exposure was enough. The plates were handed over and we returned to Maryleborie Road. Lady M-was so delighted at the successful outcome of our visit that she left me with a standing invitation to visit her and enjoy her hospitality as soon as I was sufficiently recovered to pay her the attentions she sought.
'We shall be At Home on Wednesday,' said Cecily as she and Gwendolen left. 'A Musical Afternoon. You might consider bringing a friend with you. It will be an energetic occasion.'
'A quick fuck?' offered Megan, before she too went on her way.
I had to decline her offer, being still somewhat drained by the events of the last few days. She was most understanding and announced that in any case, she would be a regular visitor to Holmes' establishment since it had been agreed that she would be assisting him as the occasion demanded.
It remains only to be said that a small paragraph in The Times, a day or so later, noted that Lord M-had sailed from Liverpool on a prolonged visit to one of our more obscure Colonies. He was not expected to return in the foreseeable future.
By then I was safely ensconced in Mrs. P-'s Bayswater house where I had been given a rapturous welcome by her daughters. So ended my first exhausting venture into the world of Crime and Punishment.
