blasted fool if he said something like, I’d like to hold you tonight and smell your hair. The woman didn’t like him, as far as he could tell. She’d probably knife him in his sleep for even asking such a thing. The only reason she remained in his room was because she was more afraid to be anywhere else.
He twisted in his covers, then threw them off him. If he told anyone what he was thinking they’d laugh him out of any bar in town. But he didn’t plan on telling anyone, and it was a certainty that Allie wouldn’t.
‘‘Allie,’’ he started, determined to finish. ‘‘I want you to come over here and sleep next to me.’’ There, he’d said it plain and simple. ‘‘I’m not going to hurt you. I just don’t want to be alone tonight.’’
The minute the words were out, he wished he could take them back. Never in his life had he said something so foolish, at least not stone sober. If she did understand a word he said, she was probably laughing at him over in her corner. Here he was, a war hero, a hard man, a loner, telling her he didn’t want to be alone in the dark, like some child. Her silent company was all he asked her to give. Nothing more.
Wes jerked as he felt the cover being pulled away from his side. Without breathing, he remained still as she slipped in beside him, closing the blankets over them both with her movements.
Her back rested lightly against his side and her head on his arm.
It was several seconds before Wes could draw a full breath. He lay in the darkness feeling her against him. Her hair was soft and warm on his arm and shoulder. He could just make out the beating of her heart against his ribs. Her bottom pressed lightly against his leg.
He’d never been further from thoughts of sleep in his life. He listened as her breathing grew slow and regular. In her sleep, she snuggled closer for warmth. Her hand moved across his arm and came to rest at his elbow.
Dear God, she felt good. He never remembered a woman feeling so good.
Wes tried to think back over the years. In truth, he couldn’t remember ever sleeping with a woman. He’d made love to a few and then left. He’d passed out in a few beds along the way when he’d been drinking between battles. But he could never remember just sleeping next to a woman except for Allie.
She wore no perfume, yet he closed his eyes and drank in the fresh smell of her.
Wes slowly rolled on his side and moved his hand along her middle, just below her ribs. He pressed his face into the soft warmth of her curls and took a deep breath as he tugged her gently closer against him.
She relaxed in his arms. Responding to his encouragement without question. He tightened his grip around her, feeling her breasts resting just above his arm, enjoying the way she molded against him all soft and willing.
Carefully, he moved her hair away from her throat and lightly touched his lips to the spot where her pulse pounded so regular. He wasn’t kissing her, but drinking in the nearness of her. He moved his mouth across her throat once more, only this time his lips opened slightly so that he could taste her flesh as well as feel the slow, steady pounding of her heart.
She moved in her sleep, unknowingly offering him more. But he knew if he tasted deeper, he’d awaken her and probably frighten her.
Wes closed his eyes and tried to sleep. What had he asked for? He’d said he only wanted her near. And she came believing him. He couldn’t break his word.
This night was a hell and a paradise of his own making. She’d trusted him so near for the first time. He couldn’t betray such a trust.
All through the night, Wes only dozed. When he’d move, she’d adjust beside him. When she moved, rolling first one way and then the other, he’d settle her with his touch. Molding her back against him so that he could feel her resting against the length of him. Drawing her close enough so that the rise and fall of her full chest pressed against his. Slowly, he pulled her into a world that was only theirs.
‘‘Allie,’’ he whispered, half asleep. ‘‘Allie, I don’t want to leave you.’’
His words brought him full awake. He stared down in the dim light and saw her looking up at him. Hate still filled her eyes.
Wes brushed her cheek with his fingers, pushing back her hair. ‘‘Allie, don’t be afraid.’’
He closed the few inches between their mouths and lightly kissed her lips. When she didn’t pull away, he touched them again. They were warm and full… and unresponsive.
Wes leaned away and studied her. She hadn’t moved, but her eyes were still wild with fear.
He rolled slightly and tasted her mouth more fully. When he pressed his thumb on her chin, she opened her lips. He kissed her deeper, but she didn’t respond.
Wes raised to one elbow, trying to read her thoughts. He placed his hand on her waist and heard her sudden intake of breath, but she didn’t stir. When he pressed harder, she turned her head away, but didn’t move as she fought down a cry.
‘‘Allie,’’ he asked in panic. ‘‘What is it? What are you so afraid of?’’
She didn’t answer.
‘‘Allie! Look at me.’’ He twisted his hand into a fist. The material of her gown drew up in his fingers, pulling the cotton tight across her breasts.
‘‘Look at me!’’
Finally, she faced him. He couldn’t miss the tears in her eyes.
His hand brushed across her waist, feeling of the cotton of her gown, trying to comfort her, erasing the wrinkles he’d caused with his grip.
She trembled but didn’t twist away from his touch. She seemed frozen in place.
Wes lowered his mouth to her once more. For a few moments, he waited, a fraction from her. He could feel her rapid breathing against his lips. He decreased the distance between them until his mouth brushed hers. When she didn’t move, he tasted her lips with his tongue as he inched closer. She was still, as before, while he kissed her, but he could taste the panic, feel the fear.
‘‘Allie,’’ he tried again, raising his hand so that he in no way held her in the bed. ‘‘Tell me! What frightens you so?’’
She laid her hands on either side of her and gripped the sheet. She looked like someone waiting to be shot.
Wes watched her closely. ‘‘Do you wish to leave? Do you want me to stop?’’
She closed her eyes, spilling tears as she did. Shaking her head back and forth, she told him no with her action even though her entire body looked as if she were preparing to be sacrificed.
He fought down his anger at the world and kept his voice low. ‘‘Then unbutton your gown.’’ He ordered a test. He had to know.
With eyes stinging in unshed tears, she raised trembling hands and unfastened the buttons of her gown as Wes watched.
Fighting tiny sobs, she fumbled with each button as first the lace of her collar, then the white cotton of her gown began to fall away.
Wes watched her throat appear, then her collarbone, then the rise and fall between her breasts.
She stopped.
He studied her. Her eyes were closed tightly now, as if the terror to come was too great to bear. The few inches of open gown showed the swell of her breasts.
He could do nothing but stare. The beauty of her, even in the near darkness, was overwhelming.
‘‘Allie,’’ he whispered finally.
She jerked as if she’d been slapped and unbuttoned another button. It was taking all her strength to do what he wanted.
The opening in her gown widened slightly, revealing more of her flesh. When she finished the last button at her waist, she placed her hands at her sides, once more gripping the sheet.
‘‘Allie?’’ Wes felt like his insides were being ripped out. ‘‘You’ll do anything I tell you, won’t you?’’ The test was over. He knew the truth.
She nodded.
‘‘But why?’’ He brushed the tears from her cheek. ‘‘Are you so afraid I’m going to hurt you? I told you I’d never raise a hand against you, Allie.’’ He knew by the way she was acting that she’d been hurt before. He couldn’t help but wonder how many men had demanded she remove her clothes and how many times she’d been beaten, so that now just the fear of it made her tremble and obey.
Carefully, as she lay beside him, he rebuttoned her gown all the way to her throat. Then he pulled her gently against him and let her cry softly on his shoulder.
