to place in the opening so I’d know not to turn that direction again. By the time I’d learned my way, the droppings had dried.’’
Wes laughed. ‘‘You were just a kid exploring this place.’’
Suddenly, they turned the last corner and were in a cavern twice the size of Victoria’s greatroom.
Wes set the lantern down and slowly circled. ‘‘This is grand, Allie. Grand.’’
She’d only seen the room in firelight and by the thin light that filtered from far above. Now, with the lantern, she could see her home clearly. The jagged walls, the poor array of handmade bowls and baskets. Dirty buffalo robes others had discarded spread on the hard rock to make a carpet, and ashes from dozens of fires were swept into one corner. Compared to all the homes she’d now seen, her cave looked terrible, little more than the den of an animal.
Allie knelt in the center of the room, fighting back tears. She stopped thinking about being safe in her cave. All she could remember now were the cold nights and days without sunshine. And the terrible loneliness of never hearing a human voice.
‘‘I’ll build a fire,’’ she managed to whisper. She couldn’t bear to allow Wes to know she was unhappy after she’d made him bring her here.
Wes wasn’t listening. ‘‘This is a great place, Allie. Did you make the bowls? And the baskets? Of course you did.’’
With the fire started, Allie lifted the lantern and moved to the space where she kept her treasured pelts. ‘‘You can have these.’’ She held the lamp high. ‘‘I have no need for them. Maybe you can start your herd with the money you get from them. They will repay you.’’
Wes knelt beside the pelts. They were not the fine winter pelts found farther north, and they looked to have been tanned and cut by a child with a dull knife. Maybe, on a good day, with a blind trader, they’d bring enough money for a dozen head of scrawny longhorns. But they were her gift. Her most valuable possession.
‘‘Allie, I can’t take these.’’
‘‘You must. I decided long ago that they would repay you for all the trouble I’ve been to you. I decided to give them to you.’’
‘‘I can’t.’’ Wes stood, guessing the pelts were the reason she brought him here. Not because she wanted to stay with him a few days longer. Not because she wanted to sleep one more night with him. But only to pay him for his services.
‘‘You must,’’ Allie insisted when he didn’t answer. ‘‘You saved my life.’’
Wes knew she had no idea of the value of the pelts. She thought she was giving him a great prize. If he turned her down, he insulted her. ‘‘Allie, you are my wife. All you have already belongs to me.’’
She raised her head slightly. ‘‘That is true.’’
‘‘And all I have belongs to you,’’ Wes added. ‘‘These pelts are of great value, but they are nothing compared to your life.’’
She could never remember a time when she thought of herself as having any value, much less great value. She moved around the cavern, turning over in her mind what he’d said. The memory of his words warmed her face. Her pelts were her greatest wealth, but he’d said they were nothing compared to her.
Wes followed her out of the cave and back down to the stream, surprising her by how fast he’d learned his way. While she washed, he checked on the horses. When they returned to the cave, he made coffee while she unrolled a huge buffalo hide and began undressing in the center of it.
‘‘Aren’t you going to wear a nightgown?’’ Wes watched her over his coffee cup.
‘‘I never have in the cave before. The fire is warm, and the fur feels soft against my skin.’’
She lay on the robe nude and spread one of Wes’s wool blankets over herself.
Wes continued to drink his coffee, but each swallow became a battle.
For several minutes, he studied her, wondering what she wanted of him. He could barely play her game of not loving her all the way now. If she were nude beside him, he wasn’t sure he could obey the rules she’d set.
‘‘Wes,’’ she whispered. ‘‘Are you going to sleep beside me tonight?’’
‘‘I can’t,’’ he mumbled as he stood. ‘‘I’m a man, Allie. Much as you’d like to think I’m some kind of guardian angel, I’m just a man. There is a limit.’’
He grabbed the lantern and was several feet down the tunnel before she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and caught up with him.
‘‘Wait!’’ She placed her hand on his arm, as though it somehow chained him to her. ‘‘Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me tonight.’’
‘‘I can’t stay.’’ He looked down at her. Rock walls forced them closer than they’d been all day. ‘‘Another night of sleeping beside you and not making you mine will drive me mad.’’
The torture showed in his warm brown eyes, and Allie knew she’d been unfair. Somehow in keeping herself from harm, she’d hurt him. She’d always thought of how she needed him and how he’d protect her. It had never occurred to her that he might need her.
‘‘No harm has ever come to me in this cave,’’ she whispered. ‘‘Sleep next to me. Do whatever you wish, but don’t leave me alone tonight.’’
Wes bent closer, but he didn’t touch her. ‘‘No, Allie. I can’t sleep with you just because you feel you owe me. I can’t be your husband and not be a man.’’
‘‘I owe you nothing. That is not why I asked. I gave you the pelts, so we are even. And I do not ask for you to sleep with me, but to mate with me. I want to know the rest of this act you call loving.’’
‘‘No.’’ He couldn’t believe what he was saying. She was offering the very thing he’d longed for every night when she was so close against him. But he couldn’t. Not on her terms. Not because she wanted one night.
All his life he’d looked for a love for a night, but she was a love for a lifetime. One night would never do. He loved her too much to leave her here with the possibility of a child. His child.
‘‘You do not want me?’’ She tried to keep her voice from shaking.
Wes leaned near, pressing her against the wall of the cave. ‘‘I want you so bad I can taste the need in my throat. But not this way. Not the way you think. I don’t want to take you. I want to make love to you.’’
He pressed his face into the fresh smell of her hair. ‘‘The act of loving can’t be taken, only given. Don’t offer just because you don’t want to be alone, Allie. Offer because you want me.’’
‘‘Teach me of this loving.’’ She raised her arms to him. ‘‘Please.’’
The blanket floated to the floor of the cave along with all of Wes’s defenses.
TWENTY-EIGHT
WES CARRIED ALLIE BACK TO HER ROCK-WALLEDroom and gently set her down on the soft fur bed. He wasn’t sure why she wanted him to make love to her, but he could no longer turn her away.
Standing, he tried not to hurry. He removed his gun belt and laid it on the pile of pelts.
Then he undressed slowly, as though removing his clothes in front of her was the most natural act in the world. Between the lantern and the campfire, light danced off the walls, allowing her to see him fully. Wes wanted her to know every second that it was he and no one else making love to her. He wanted her to be able to see his face and the truth in his eyes.
Her huge blue eyes watched him. Wes could see emotions churning within her. Fear, longing, stubbornness, panic, desire. There was no telling which would win out this night. But whatever happened, he’d be with her.
He lay down several inches away and surveyed her beauty. Fear flickered in her eyes, but she didn’t turn away or hide herself from his view. He peeled the blanket away. Slowly, he leaned forward and kissed her. Only their lips touched, nothing more.
When he pulled away, tears shimmered in her eyes.
‘‘Are you frightened?’’ He fought to keep from pulling her into his arms.
‘‘A little,’’ she answered. ‘‘But I know you will not hurt me. I don’t want to live with the nightmares anymore. Show me there is more.’’
‘‘You really have no idea how beautiful you are, Allie. Maybe I can even please you,’’ he offered, feeling as if this were the first time for them both. She’d never made love, and, in truth, neither had he.
