The Kill-Off

curious as to my whereabouts at certain times, perhaps I might inquire about yours.'

His laugh went away. He put the bottle on the floor, sat staring into the neck of it as if there was something there besides the whiskey.

'I don't know,' he said. 'I don't know where I was. But I was all alone, Danny. I was all alone.'

It seemed awful silent then. The only sound was the waves, lap-lapping, whispering against the sand.

I began to get sort of a funny feeling in my throat. I was just about to say I'd work out the rest of the season-these last two weeks- but he spoke first.

'So you're quitting, huh? Well, that's something. That's at least one break you've given me.'

Then he got up and came over to me, and took my face between his hands. 'You didn't mean it, Danny, and I didn't mean it. Besides, I don't want you to leave, Danny. Besides, I love you, Danny.'

He stooped and kissed me on the forehead.

I said, 'Rags… Oh, g-gosh, Rags. I-'

'I couldn't keep you any longer,' he said. 'I couldn't pay you, understand? But I think you're one of the finest girls I've ever known, and I think you have one of the very finest voices I've ever heard. I wished you'd go on with it; I did wish that. But now… now, I know you mustn't. It would never do. Because the one thing is all you can have, Danny-the music is all you can have, Danny-and if it isn't enough…'

He took his hands away from my face, let them slide down my arms. Then he scowled suddenly, and gave me a shake. 'Posture!' he said. 'Goddammit, how many times do I have to tell you? You've got two feet, haven't you? You're not an obstetrical case, are you? Well, stand on them then, by God.'

I said I was sorry. I stood like he'd told me to, like he'd taught me to.

'All right,' he said. 'Let's have it. Make it Stardust. Even you can't bitch that one… Well, what are you waiting for?'

'I-I c-can't!' I said. 'Oh, R-Rags, I-'

He ran his hands through his hair. 'Okay, go on! Get the hell-no, wait a minute. Sit down over there, right there, dammit. I'll let you hear Stardust like it ought to be sung… almost.'

I sat down by his desk. He sat down in the other chair, and put in a long-distance call to his wife.

The call went through, and he held the receiver a little away from his ear.

'Hi, Janie,' he said. 'How's it going? How are the boys…?'

I couldn't understand what she said, because it was just kind of sounds instead of words. A sort of quack-quacking like a duck would make.

'They're asleep, eh? Well, that's fine. Don't bother to wake them up…'

The boys couldn't be waked up. Never, ever.

'Listen, Janie. I've got a kid here I want you to sing for. I- Janie! I said I wanted you to sing, understand?… Well, get with it, then. Give me Stardust, and give it loud. This kid here is pretty tone-deaf…'

She couldn't sing, of course. How can you sing when you don't have a nose and only part of a tongue, and no teeth… and hardly any place to put teeth? But there was a click and a scratch; and her voice came over the wire.

It was pretty wonderful, her singing Stardust. A platter has to be pretty wonderful to sell three million copies. But Rags had started frowning. He squirmed in his chair, and the cigarette in the corner of his mouth began a kind of nervous up-and-down moving.

He held the receiver away from him. He looked at it, frowning, and then he lowered it slowly toward the hook. And the farther down it went, the farther it was away from him, the more his frown faded. And when it was completely down, when the connection was broken, he wasn't frowning any more. He was smiling.

It was a kind of smile I'd never seen before. A dreamy, far-off smile. One of his hands moved slowly back and forth, up and down, and one of his feet tap-tapped silently against the floor.

'Do you hear it, Danny?' he said softly. 'Do you hear the music?'

'Yes,' I said. 'Yes, I hear the music, Rags.'

'The music,' he said. 'The music never goes away, Danny. The music never goes away…'

10:

HENRY CLAY WILLIAMS

I knew from the moment I sat down at the table that morning that I was in for trouble. I knew it before Lily had said a word. Probably most men wouldn't have, even if they had lived in the same house with a sister as long as I have with Lily, but I'm an unusually close observer. I notice little things. No matter how small it is, I'll see it and interpret it. And nine times out of ten my interpretation will be correct. I've trained myself to do it. A man has to, as I see it, if he wants to get ahead. Of course, if he doesn't, if he wants to remain a small-town lawyer all his life instead of becoming the chief legal officer of the sixteenth-largest county in the state, why that's his privilege.

I began to eat, knowing that Lily was going to land on me, and why, and trying to prepare myself for it. Finally, when she still held back, I gave her a little prod.

'I notice you're running low on pepper,' I said. 'Remind me to bring some home tonight.'

'What? Pepper?' she said. 'What makes you think I'm running low?'

'Why, I just supposed you were,' I said. 'You have plenty? There's still plenty in your kitchen shaker?'

She sighed, and pursed her lips together. She sat looking at me silently, her glasses twinkling and flashing in the morning sunlight.

'I just wondered,' I said. 'I noticed that you only peppered one of my eggs when you cooked them, so…

'Is there a pepper-shaker in front of you?' she said. 'Well, is there or isn't there, or hadn't you noticed?'

She sounded unusually irritable for some reason. I said, why, of course, I'd noticed the shaker, and it didn't matter at all about the eggs.

'I was simply curious about them,' I said. 'You always pepper them, each one the same amount, so naturally I wondered why you hadn't-'

'I see,' she said. 'Yes, I can see how you might get pretty excited about it. It would be a pretty big thing to a big man like you.'

'Now, I didn't say I was excited,' I said. 'I said nothing of the kind, Lily. If my memory serves me correctly-and I think you'll agree that it usually does-the words I used were 'curious' and 'wonder.'

I nodded to her, and put a bite of egg in my mouth. Her lips tightened, then she spoke shaky-voiced. 'So you were curious, were you? You were wondering? You were curious and wondering about why I hadn't peppered an egg! Well, I'll tell you something I'm curious and wondering about, and that's what you intend to do when you are no longer the chief legal officer of the sixteenth largest county in the state. For after the elections this fall, Mr. Henry Clay Williams, you're going to be out of a job! '

She deliberately timed that last with the moment when I was taking a swallow of coffee to wash the egg down. I coughed and choked, feeling my face turn red. The egg tried to go one way and the coffee another, and for a long moment I was certain I'd strangle.