'You're going back to France again. Do be safe, my dear child. I will pray for you.'
'Mary will be here tomorrow or the next day. Tell her good-bye for me as well.'
And then I was gone, out the door, into Simon's motorcar, and we were on our way to Mr. Forbes's chambers. Simon said nothing, and when we had found a place to leave the motorcar, he went in with the letter in his hand.
I had wanted to do it myself, I had wanted to see this finished. But he was right. He would hand the sealed envelope marked Private and Confidential to Mr. Forbes's clerk, and the clerk would hand it to Mr. Forbes. And it would be read.
We drove on to Somerset, and were silent for most of the journey. I slept a part of the way, finally giving in to the need for a little respite.
It wasn't until we were pulling into the drive that Simon said again, 'You have done all you can. And Inspector Herbert will not wish to have an innocent man's death on his hands. We must leave this to Scotland Yard and Mr. Forbes. If, in spite of everything, Michael Hart goes to the gallows as scheduled, it is his choice, Bess. You must see that and respect it.'
I touched my face with my hands, as if to relieve the pressure I felt behind my eyes.
'I will have to, won't I? But it seems such a waste.'
'How many soldiers have you watched die because they lost the will to live?'
'Too many.'
'That's what Michael Hart has done, whatever gallant name he attaches to his decision.'
'Thank you, Simon. For everything.'
'One final thing. Let the Colonel take you to the train in London. I think he wants to do that.'
I nodded, understanding.
And then for the next several days, I played the daughter of the house on leave, and gave neither of my parents a moment's anxiety. But my thoughts were in that prison with Michael. And I couldn't pull them back.
My train left the day before Michael's hanging.
My father drove me to London and Waterloo Station, to see me off for Portsmouth this time.
I stood there thinking that it had all begun here, that I had stood here and watched Marjorie Evanson in tears talking to a man who was nearly as callous and coldhearted as his brother. I had been an impartial witness then. I had tried to keep that personal distance, but events had drawn me further and further into the vortex of a murder investigation. I had got too close to people and perhaps hadn't been as objective as I could or should have been.
But Simon was right. I had tried. And there had been no messages for me from Inspector Herbert, either in London or in Somerset. I wanted so badly to ask him if there was any hope. But I knew he wouldn't tell me.
I chatted brightly with my father and then watched as the train pulled into the station, steam roiling in the cool night air, knowing that in a matter of minutes, I would be on my way to war again.
We had said our good-byes in Somerset, but I held the Colonel close for a moment and kissed his cheek. 'I'll be all right,' I said.
'You'd better be,' he told me lightly. 'Or the Kaiser himself will answer for it.'
I laughed, as he'd intended me to do. I had just turned to face the train when there was a flurry of movement to one side of us, and the crowd of people seeing off or waiting for loved ones parted a little. A woman came hurrying through the gap, and I didn't recognize her at first, her face was streaked with tears, a handkerchief in one hand.
And before I could catch my breath or even move, Serena Melton was upon me.
She lifted her fists and beat against my coat, blows that forced me back a step, and I felt the presence of my father just behind me, his hands reaching for my shoulders to move me behind him, out of danger.
'You selfish monster!' Serena was crying, her fists flying, and heads turned to stare at us. 'You came to my house and betrayed us. Callously, without thought for anyone but Michael Hart. You used us and everyone you met, to save him. I know all about you, I know what sort of woman you are. My husband has never hurt anyone in his life, do you understand me?'
My father had come between us, and her blows fell on his outstretched arms.
'It's Serena Melton,' I managed to say.
But she wasn't finished. Her voice was strident, thick with emotion, and she'd lost all sense of anything but punishing her tormentor. I wondered what lies Jack Melton had told her, and where he was.
'You used us, you cold, uncaring bitch. Sister of mercy indeed. You're a disgrace to that uniform you're wearing, and I hope the Germans do for you what I can't, shoot you down like the animal you are!'
And then she was gone in a whirl of skirts, shoving her way through the staring throng. A policeman had come up, drawn by the screaming.
'Anything wrong, sir?' he asked, not seeing Serena as the wall of watchers closed around her.
My father said, quite clearly, 'A demented woman I've never seen before just attacked my daughter without any provocation. As witnesses will attest. Will you see us to the train, Constable? It's been a very trying moment, my daughter is very upset.'
It was true, the Colonel had never met Serena. But the words were comforting, even though they were partly lies.
I didn't know how my father looked. I knew my own face was flushed with shame and horror, and one of Serena's fists had caught me on one cheek. It ached, and I was close to tears. Angry tears, helpless tears. But I held my head high, and walked with my father and the constable toward my compartment on the train. I saw the constable have a word with the conductor. I was settled in my seat by the window, my belongings stowed safely, loved and cosseted and given the moral support that made my courage possible.
Then my father said rapidly, 'Sticks and stones, Bess. She's distraught. But it tells you something, doesn't it? It tells you that someone heard you, and that someone is doing whatever can be done.'
'I feel such pity for her.'
'She must have known, Bess. She must have been afraid from the start that it was her husband.'
And so she'd become a detective to find a lie, not the truth.
'Murder is never kind. To the victim, to the survivors. Not even to the murderer him-or herself. Let it go, be safe, and concentrate on why you're in France.'
He was right. I kissed him, smiled-albeit most likely a tremulous one-and settled back into my seat.
And then we were pulling out of the station. There was no sign of Serena, but I lowered my window and leaned out to watch my father's tall, broad-shouldered figure out of sight.
No one had come into my compartment, crowded as the train was. My father's parting gift to me. Forward I could hear male voices singing one of the interminable verses of 'The Mademoiselle from Armentieres,' that bawdy drinking song that the troops seemed to love even when sober.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, seeing only emptiness and darkness ahead.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
At dawn the next morning, I could hear the guns in the distance as the ambulance that had been waiting for me and a half dozen other nurses rumbled and bounced toward our destination, a field hospital behind the line of trenches.
I watched the sun rise, and it was a fair day, and I could think of nothing but Michael walking out the door into the prison yard and looking up at that bright sky for the last time. I had pictured it before-but only as a dread possibility. This morning it was real. I turned away from the other nurses and fought back my tears.
If only Marjorie hadn't succumbed to the seductive advances that Jack Melton had made. If only she had listened to his brother there in the station, and not seemed so desolate that Raymond Melton had reported to his brother that there was no hope of keeping her from telling someone-Michael or her husband-what she had done.
If only I hadn't been in the station that rainy evening. I wouldn't have known any of these people, I would have watched this sunrise untouched by the pain of a man who would rather die than live.
