That’s How I Roll

themselves a fine place to go deer hunting.”

That’s when I finally understood what Lansdale was really talking about. “Man like that, he’d probably take a doe out of season, even if he had to jacklight her,” I said, just to make sure.

Lansdale looked me full in the face, like he was trying to read something written in a language he knew a little bit, but not to where he’d be called fluent.

“Good talking with you, Esau,” he finally said. “I know we do business, but I hope you regard me as your friend, because that’s how I regard you.”

asey Myrtleson was big stuff. And going places, too. But he hadn’t gotten there yet, and he wasn’t so big that he didn’t open his own mail. Especially a pink-wrapped box with little red hearts all over it.

few weeks after, I rolled into Lansdale’s bar. I’d spent those weeks listening to the stories. It seemed like Casey Myrtleson being blown to bits was all folks could talk about.

They had it every which way the mind could imagine. Casey had been using cocaine to sharpen his reflexes and ran up a big debt in the process. A certain driver Casey had put into the wall a few times had made sure that wouldn’t ever happen again. A wealthy old man’s young wife had told too many stories at the beauty parlor. Casey had been trying to brew up his own mixture for the track, and playing around with nitro-mixing fuel isn’t for amateurs.

On and on. After a while, I swear there were more stories than there were people telling them.

As I came in the door, Lansdale stood up and walked over to his table. Nobody else was there. Nobody would ever be there unless Lansdale himself had invited them over.

Somebody stepped behind me and took hold of the handles of my chair. I didn’t understand that, but it didn’t worry me, considering where I was.

That night is so fixed in my memory that I can recall what was playing on the jukebox when I saw Nancy coming over to me:

I used up all my pity on myself;

Ain’t got one bit left for no one else.

Only this time she wasn’t smiling. Not even close. “Just what in hell do you think you’re doing, Elmore?” she said to the man behind me.

“I was just trying to help—”

“You think Esau needs your help to get around? The man’s got arms on him like thick lumps of iron.”

“Now, how would you be knowing that?” the man Nancy had called Elmore said to her.

“And how would that be any business of yours?” she snapped back.

Before he could say anything, Lansdale stood up and waved me over.

hank you, Nancy,” I said when she put the mug of apple juice in front of me.

“Let it go, now,” Lansdale told her. “The way you’re fuming, you’ll give yourself a damn stroke.”

“Where does that bucktoothed white trash think he—?”

“Nancy,” I said, “could you do me a favor?”

“I … Sure, Esau. What would you like?”

“I’d appreciate you asking that Elmore fella if he’d come over here for a minute. I know he tried to do me a service, and I’d like to shake his hand.”

She stole a quick look at Lansdale. He nodded his head, giving her the okay.

Elmore came on over. He was a big guy. Not Tory-boy’s size, but over six foot, easy.

I offered my hand. He took it.

It wasn’t five seconds before he called it off.

“Hah!” Nancy said to him. “I told you—”

“Could I get one more of these?” I asked her, holding up my empty glass.

“You can get anything you want, honey,” she said, and planted a little kiss on my cheek before she walked off.

I don’t know where Elmore went to. Me, I was in Heaven.

“You are truly something else, Esau,” Lansdale said, shaking his head like he’d just seen an amazing sight. “Your spine may be all messed up, but you got enough backbone for a tribe of gorillas.”

I didn’t want to reply to that, so I just waited for Nancy to get back, then held up my glass by way of saying “thank you” to Lansdale and Nancy both.

Lansdale had been right about the beauty of how Nancy walked, and I hadn’t missed an opportunity since. As soon as she was out of sight, Lansdale offered his own hand.

It was a man’s handshake, firm and strong, but nothing like that foolishness Elmore had tried.

“There isn’t a liquor store in the world that lets you buy on credit. So, if a man walks into a liquor store after dark, it’s either because he’s got money … or because he doesn’t.”

“That’s why they all deal from behind that bulletproof glass,” I agreed. “Because, just looking at a man walking in, there’s no way you can tell.”

“Unless you know the man,” he said, holding up his square-cut whiskey tumbler.

“Unless you know the man,” I said, tapping my mug of apple juice lightly against his glass.

“My wife and I, we’d be honored if you and your brother would take supper with us Thursday night, Esau.”

That hit me like a shock wave of … well, I don’t have a name for it. That invitation was beyond anything I’d ever expected to happen in my life. And including Tory-boy, well, that was exactly the way such things are done— you invite a man for dinner at your home, you invite his family, too.

Treating Tory-boy like he wasn’t “special” was the most special thing anyone had ever done.

“I’m truly honored by your invitation,” I said, keeping it as formal as a tea dance, “but I’m also honor-bound to refuse.”

“Why would that be?” Lansdale said. His voice was as polite as mine, but I could feel something darker lurking around its edges.

“It’s not right to accept an invitation when you can’t reciprocate. Our place isn’t suitable for a man to bring his family to.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Lansdale said, all the darkness suddenly gone from his voice. In fact, he was outright grinning at me. “No offense, but I don’t know anyone in this whole county who’d accept an invitation to have a meal at your place, Esau. More than likely, they’d think you were inviting them to be the meal.

“You know how people talk. There’s all kinds of horror stories about those dogs of yours—supposed to have a real taste for human flesh, the way I hear it.”

“Not a word of truth to that,” I said, feeling the smile come out on my own face. “But they really do fancy the organs.”

“So you’re saying—?”

“Pardon the interruption, but I couldn’t wait to say this. I accept your kind offer, sir. And the honor would be ours.”

ansdale had a fine house. Nothing showy, but you could see it had taken real craftsmanship to put it together.

The only thing that didn’t go perfect was when I had to touch my finger to my cheek, the signal for “Stop it!” Tory-boy had been staring at Lansdale’s daughter like he’d been hit over the head with an ax handle. A whole bunch of times.

Not that I really blamed him. Patsy was every bit as beautiful as folks said. But I’d taught Tory-boy better than that. And not just for politeness’ sake—gawking at a girl gives away too much information about yourself.

There’s much better ways to pay a compliment. Such as when Lansdale’s wife insisted that I call her Kay.