Before I Wake

melodrama.”

I followed her into Nash’s room reluctantly and she closed the door behind us, then pulled a spare T-shirt from her backpack on the floor. Sabine handed me the shirt, then knelt to look for something beneath the bed.

“Thanks, but I’m not changing in front of you,” I said.

“Relax.” Her voice was muffled by whatever junk she was pawing through. “I’ve got everything you’ve got, plus a little more on top, and everyone who wants to see you naked is out there. But if you’re that uptight, go invisible.”

So I did, and when I was sure she couldn’t see me, I took off Em’s dress and laid it across the foot of Nash’s bed.

“There they are…” Sabine mumbled, pulling some scrap of black material from beneath the bed. I didn’t understand that she’d been looking for her underwear until she started unbuttoning her jeans. “So, what’s with the costume?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I said, turning my back to her to pull her shirt over my head. And I wasn’t sure she’d heard me until she answered.

“You do if you want me to read whoever’s passed out in the living room. What am I supposed to think when you show up here alone, wearing that? I know that move. I’ve made that move.”

“It wasn’t a move, and I wasn’t alone.” Just because they hadn’t seen Tod at first didn’t mean he hadn’t been there the whole time. “I’m not trying to take Nash from you.”

“Good, because we had a deal. You die, I get Nash. You even try going back on that, and I don’t care how dead you are, I’ll make you deader.”

“What is wrong with you?” I demanded, trying to tug the T-shirt down over my navel. But it wasn’t long enough. “You got what you wanted. You and Nash can grow old together and have a whole brood of scary, maladjusted little baby Nightmares, and I’m not going to stop you. I’m dead, and nothing’s going to change that. I love Tod, and nothing’s going to change that, either. We’re facing eternity and the deaths of everyone we’ve ever cared about, with nothing to cling to but each other. So who the hell are you to tell me where I can’t be and what I can’t wear? I don’t answer to you, Sabine!”

I only noticed she could see me when I realized she was staring straight into my eyes.

“You love him? Tod, I mean?” she asked, finally pulling her own shirt over her head.

“Yes.”

“For real? Like, can’t-live-without-him love him, complete with all the stupid, dangerous shit love like that makes you willing to do?”

“Yes. My eyes don’t want to open when he’s not there to look at and my hands feel empty when I’m not touching him. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever felt.”

The mara nodded, like she understood.

“He died for me, Sabine. He let Levi kill him, rather than reap my soul, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. So you better hope we’re never put in the position where I have to choose between you and Tod, because I promise things won’t end well for you that day.”

She stared into my eyes, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was watching my irises swirl. But she wasn’t a bean sidhe, so she couldn’t see that. She was looking for something much simpler. She was looking for the truth. And she must have found it, because she blinked, then nodded, like she was satisfied.

“Good. That’s what I needed to hear. Let’s go see what scares sleeping beauty.”

“Sabine.” I put one hand on her arm. “He may be pretty, but I swear he’s evil. For real.”

She only laughed, like I’d told her water was wet. “All pretty things are, in one way or another.”

As I followed her down the hall, I tried to figure out if she’d just called me evil or ugly.

In the living room, Nash and Tod sat in silence on opposite ends of the couch. They both looked miserable. They also looked like they both wanted to say something the other wouldn’t want to hear.

Nash stood when Sabine knelt in front of the unconscious reaper. “Who is he?”

“This is Thane,” I said. “He showed up at the hospital and tried to drag me into the Netherworld. And he wanted to make sure Tod would follow us, so I’m guessing he wasn’t there only for me. We’re pretty sure he knows what Avari wants, and hopefully how he possessed Scott twelve hours after he died.”

“What happened to him?” Sabine asked, eyeing Thane.

“Tod happened to him,” I said. “Again. Could you go ahead, please? We don’t know how long he’ll be out.”

“Don’t get pushy,” Sabine snapped. “I can’t manipulate the fears of the dead, but I should be able to read something from him. I haven’t had much practice, though. Reapers rarely sleep. This one is actually unconscious, but hopefully that’s close enough.” She took his hand, then closed her eyes. “He’s not dreaming. Could someone…open his eyes?”

The thought gave me chills, but Nash stepped up before I had to admit that.

“Not sure how much good it’ll do,” Tod said as his brother pulled back on both of Thane’s eyelids at once. “He doesn’t have a soul.”

“Wow.” Sabine stared into the plain white in the reaper’s eyes. “I’ve never seen that before.”

Nash frowned. “Wish I could say the same.”

“You’re right, that doesn’t help,” she said, and he let go of Thane’s eyes. “Okay, let’s try something else. His conscious mind is asleep, but the subconscious never sleeps. Let’s see if we can guide his thoughts, to lead me to his fears.”

“How?” Tod asked.

“Um, touch him. We know Avari wants Kaylee’s soul, but we don’t know what he wants with you. Even unconscious, Thane’ll know it’s you touching him, and hopefully he’ll think about you, which will lead me to fears related to you.”

“Tod’s a rookie. He’s like a baby reaper. Why would Thane be scared of him?”

“I said fears related to Tod, not fears of Tod,” Sabine said, and Nash scowled, but kept his mouth shut.

“Okay.” Tod pushed Thane’s sleeve up and laid his bare hand on the other reaper’s arm. “How’s that?”

Sabine closed her eyes again and took a long, quiet breath. Then she started to speak, softly, like she was afraid she’d wake up the unconscious reaper. “He’s afraid of failing. He’s terrified of what Avari will do if he can’t bring Tod to him.”

What?

“Anything else?” Tod whispered, and Sabine’s eyes flew open, her hand still tight around Thane’s.

“He heard your voice,” she said, and though her eyes didn’t close again, they lost focus, like she was looking at something none of the rest of us could see. “He’s cold, deep down inside and he’s afraid of the cold because it’s foreign. It shouldn’t be in him, and he wants to get rid of it, but he can’t. But as much as he hates the cold, he’s even more afraid of losing it, because once his body’s gone, he’ll truly be at Avari’s mercy. And that’s what he’s afraid will happen if he doesn’t bring Tod.”

“What cold?” Nash sank onto the couch cushion next to me, like he’d forgotten how mad he was.

“Demon’s Breath,” I said, then immediately wanted to take the words back. Just saying them couldn’t push Nash into relapse, yet I felt guilty for bringing up such a touchy subject. But once I’d started it, I had to finish. “There’s Demon’s Breath in place of his soul. He wants to get rid of it, but if he does, he’ll lose his body, then Avari can do whatever he wants with Thane’s soul.”

Nash nodded stiffly.

“Is that all?” Tod asked.

Sabine nodded. Then, “Kaylee, you touch him.”

Both Tod and Nash looked like they wanted to object, but I grabbed Thane’s arm before they could, and Sabine closed her eyes again.

“He’s scared of you,” she said, almost immediately. “But not scared enough. He’s terrified that you can extract his soul, if he ever gets it back, but he knows that if Avari gets you, you’ll no longer be a threat. Before, he wanted to take you to Avari because he was scared of Avari. But now he wants to turn you over because he’s scared of you.”

I should have been relieved by that—the big bad reaper was afraid of me. But knowing he was willing to drag