Before I Wake

But it’s gonna cost you some snacks. I’m starving.” She got up to help herself to my kitchen, and I followed to keep her from making a mess I’d get stuck cleaning up.

“There’s popcorn in the cabinet over the bar,” I said, pointing. “And there’s fruit in the fridge.” But Sabine didn’t even glance in either direction.

“So, was it all you hoped it would be?” she asked, soft enough that no one in the living room could hear.

“What are you talking about?” But I knew. And she knew I knew.

She stepped so close I wanted to back up, but I was already leaning against the counter. “You know, the only thing worse than a self-righteous virgin is a self-righteous fake virgin.”

“I’m not faking anything.” I pulled a bag of popcorn from the cabinet and unwrapped it, then practically threw it into the microwave and pressed some buttons so the noise would cover yet another discussion I really didn’t want to have with Sabine. “I’m saying it’s none of your business.”

“Does Nash know?”

I sighed heavily, wondering if it was too late to take the fifth. “You know he doesn’t. And you can’t tell him.” I took a large salad bowl from the dish drainer and set it next to the microwave.

“He needs to know, Kaylee.”

“The hell he does! Are you trying to hurt him?”

She exhaled slowly, like she was the one fighting for patience. “I’m trying to pull off the Band-Aid and expose the wound so it can heal.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Yes, you do. You ripped Nash’s heart out, and instead of dealing with the gaping hole in his chest, he just slapped a bandage over it, so he wouldn’t have to see the wound.”

“A bandage?”

“Denial. He was avoiding both of you, so he wouldn’t have to think about it, and now he thinks he can pretend to be happy with your friendship, and if he plays his cards right and stays clean, you’ll realize Tod was just a temporary comfort and everything will go back to the way it was. You and I both know that’s not going to happen, but he refuses to see it. But he won’t have any choice if he knows that after all those months when you barely let him touch you, you gave it up to his brother after a month.”

Anger clouded my judgment and defeated my determination not to have this conversation with her. “Why do you have to make it sound like that? And who the hell are you to question my timing or my relationship with Tod? You can’t possibly understand what he and I have been through or what he means to me.”

“I’m not questioning anything,” Sabine insisted. “And maybe I can’t understand all the specifics of your weird-ass, undead relationship, but I do understand what he means to you. And Nash needs to understand that, too. Which is why you have to tell him.”

“Are you insane?” I demanded, and when the microwave beeped, I pulled out the full bag and threw another one in, then pressed more buttons, again for the noise. “Nash is only a month past a relapse, and he’s just now speaking to me again. He still won’t be in the same room as Tod. And you want to tell him I slept with his brother. Which is none of your business or his, for the record.”

“Yes, it is. Whether you like it or not, the four of us are all tangled up, Kaylee. And we always will be. Nash loves me, but he loves you, too, even though you’re in love with his brother. Whom he currently hates, but can’t get rid of. And you’re the first girlfriend I’ve ever had. Can you see those threads, all tied in a knot?”

“I’m not your friend, Sabine.” How could I be, after she’d stalked my dreams and given me nightmares, then tried to sell me to Avari so she could have Nash for herself?

She looked hurt for a second, then that familiar obstinacy was back. “Then why did you try to help me with Thane the other night? Nash loves me, and he just stood there, at first, but you tried to come to my rescue. Tod had to hold you back.”

“I…” I had no good answer for that. “Fine. I didn’t want you to get hurt. But if you want to call yourself my friend, you should know that position comes with boundaries.”

Sabine frowned. “I’m no good with boundaries.”

“Yes, and the ocean is damp. Can we be done with the understatements now?”

“I’m just trying to help Nash move on.”

“Bullshit. You’re not thinking about what’s good for him. You’re thinking about what’s good for you.”

“I am what’s good for him!” The microwave dinged, then went silent, and she lowered her voice, but not the intensity of her argument. “I’m the only good thing he has left until he starts speaking to his brother and trusting his mother again. But he won’t see that as long as he thinks there’s a chance for the two of you. He knows you were waiting for the ‘right’ time to break the world’s most damage-resistant hymen and if he finds out that time came and went without him, he’ll know the two of you are truly over. And he really needs to know that, Kaylee.”

I hate it when she’s right.

“He does need to understand that we won’t be getting back together,” I finally admitted. “But what Tod and I do in private is not up for discussion. I’ll think of some other way to show Nash. And, Sabine, if you really want to be my friend, you’ll respect that.” I dumped both bags of popcorn into the bowl and left her in the kitchen to think about that.

Alec knocked on the door as I set the bowl on the coffee table, and four different people yelled for him to come in. To my house.

“Hey, Kaylee,” he said, pulling me into a hug as Luca closed the door behind him. “How’s Death treating you?”

“No better than life did.” I hugged him back, treasuring one of the few uncomplicated relationships I had. Alec was my friend, and that line was blessedly unblurred by attraction, jealousy, or any feelings of neglect or betrayal. Alec was a drama-free safe zone.

He laughed. “I meant Tod. You know, death with a capital D?”

“Ah. More death humor. Never gets old.” I let him go and grabbed a handful of popcorn. “Tod’s great.” I wanted to say more, but Nash was listening, and I didn’t want him to think I was rubbing anything in his face.

“Who’re they?” Alec whispered, less-than-subtly tossing his head toward Madeline and Luca.

I reached up and turned him by his shoulders to face them both, then cleared my throat to catch everyone’s attention. “Madeline is my boss at the reclamation department. She helped me cover up my own murder and clear Nash’s name. And Luca is her great-great-nephew. He’s a necromancer, which means he sees dead people.”

Alec frowned. “Like that kid in the movie?”

“Not really. But close enough,” Luca said, crossing the room to shake Alec’s hand. “No ghosts, but I see the undead, even when no one else does, and I can sense corpses until they’re preserved or start to rot.”

Alec shook his hand. “No offense, man, but that’s creepy.”

I rolled my eyes. “This, coming from a psychic parasite.”

“Half,” Alec insisted. “Half-psychic parasite. My mother was human.”

“Okay, so everyone knows everyone else now, right?” I said, and heads all over the room nodded.

“Don’t you wanna call in Tod before we get started?” Alec said.

“He’s filling in for a missing reaper at the hospital, but he’ll be here when he can. He already knows all this, anyway.”

“Missing reaper? Is that what this is about?” Alec sank onto the couch and I sat between him and Emma.

“No,” Madeline said, just as I said, “Yeah, in part.”

“Maybe start from the beginning?” Alec suggested. “For those of us just joining the party?”

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and did a mental search for the beginning of the story. “For those who may not know this, Madeline recruited me specifically to help hunt and take out a serial soul thief—”

“I call him Cap’n Crunch,” Luca interrupted, and was rewarded with a roomful of frowns. “You know. Because he’s a cereal thief?”

“Wouldn’t that make him more like the Cookie Crook?” Alec said, then shrugged at all the blank stares. “Am I the only one who remembers breakfast food from the eighties?”

“You’re the only one who remembers anything from the eighties,” Nash said, and Madeline frowned.