the couch and nuzzled under Melody’s arm to get on her lap.
“Can we see a replay of that?” Ellen asked.
They played it back, and they slowed it down, and they sped it up. And the laughter just kept going. It hurt Max’s ears. When everybody finally calmed down, Ellen said: “That was quite remarkable.”
“I’ve never seen him do that before,” Melody said.
“My show will do that to a person. A cat. I mean a cat. My show will do that to a cat.” Ellen wiggled in her soft chair and leaned closer. “So, when are you two getting married? Not you and Max, you and Joe. When are you and Joe getting married? Because if two people were ever meant for each other…”
Awkward.
Melody shifted nervously, and Max could smell her fear. He meowed and ducked his face into her sweater, hoping to calm her. “We aren’t ever getting married,” she said. She glanced at Joe.
He had a silly smile on his face, and Max began to wonder at his calmness. He was so calm he almost seemed ready to melt through the couch. Kinda like Max felt once the initial buzz of catnip wore off.
“When are we getting married?” Joe asked.
Melody frowned at him. “We aren’t getting married.”
“Have you asked her?” This from Ellen. Max pulled his head out from its hiding place. He had to watch. Ellen was a better matchmaker than Max! Well, he’d brought Melody and Joe together initially, but Ellen was doing her part. They could be a team. A matchmaking team.
“No,” Joe said in a way that made him sound surprised by his own revelation.
“Do you plan to?”
Oh, Ellen was good.
Joe thought about that a moment. “Yeah.” He nodded in a way that made him sound completely firm in this new resolve.
Melody was staring at him in horror, shaking her head. They all knew what was coming next. Max just hoped and prayed Joe would do this right. And he didn’t disappoint.
Joe slipped from the couch. Careful of his injury, he eased himself down on one knee, extended a hand to Melody. She took it, but with a dazed, befuddled, I’ll-kill-you-later look in her eye.
“Melody, will you marry me?”
Max had always wondered about those public proposals. Where the guy proposed in front of an audience. Like at a football game or some such nonsense. Really, what if the girl didn’t even care about the guy? But Melody cared about Joe. Really cared. Max knew it.
“What are you doing?” Melody asked.
“Asking you to be my wife.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe Max should decide,” Ellen said. “Maybe you should propose to Max.”
Joe dropped Melody’s hand as if it were an old fish. He reached and cradled Max’s paw gently in his palm. “Max, should I take your mistress Melody’s hand in marriage?”
Max meowed in agreement.
“Max!” Melody said in shock. “Maxwell!”
“And you know what?” Ellen said. “I just happen to be an ordained minister.” On cue, bridesmaids appeared. Suddenly Ellen was decked out in some kind of official-looking white robe with gold trim. She began to recite wedding vows.
Melody put up both hands and shouted: “Stop! Stop this right now!”
Everybody stopped. The audience leaned forward.
“We are not getting married.”
“Wouldn’t it be a great thing to tell your kids and your grandkids?” Ellen said. “And just think, no need to send out wedding invitations. No need to spend months planning the event. We can do it here. Now.”
Melody scooped up Max. “Thank you, Ellen. I appreciate the offer, but Joe and I aren’t getting married.”
“Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me.”
The audience laughed.
With Max in her arms, Melody strode off the stage and headed down the narrow hall to the green room.
“What’s wrong with you?” Melody said as soon as the door shut behind them.
Joe blinked in surprised.
He did look a little funny. He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his face, kissing her palm. She jerked it away.
“I thought it seemed like a great idea,” he said.
“Are you drunk?”
He’d been so nervous before the show. Nervous and in pain. Now he seemed way too mellow.
“I had a couple of drinks. Just to relax.”
“On top of your painkillers?”
“I know. Bad idea. But I didn’t want to make a fool of myself out there.”
She laughed, and the sound seemed to encourage him. He put his arms around her and backed her up to the wall. His hands were suddenly moving up and down her sides, and his head dipped for a kiss. Which she thought about. For a second. Before slipping out from under his arm, leaving him facing a bare wall.
He swung around. “I think we should get married.”
“Marriage isn’t a joke.”
“I know.” He looked at Max. “Think about Max. We could give him the stable home life he needs.”
“He has a stable home life.”
“I know, I know.” He waved a hand, erasing his words. “I still think it’s a good idea.”
“I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Well, for one thing, you the same as lied to me. I could never be with someone who lies to me.”
“I couldn’t tell you the truth.”
“And for another, I can’t be with a cop. I just can’t.”
“What if I got another job?”
“What?”
“What if I quit being a cop?”
“You’d do that? For me?”
“Yes.” He seemed surprised by his answer, digested it a while, then drove it home. “I would. For you, I would.”
“You’re drunk. Well, stoned. Whatever. High. And even if you weren’t, I could never ask a person to change for me. To become somebody else for me.”
“We’re talking about a job, not my core beliefs.”
“What would you do?”
“Work full time at the shelter.”
But she could already see the idea sucking the identity out of him. Her dad could never give up his music, his band, no matter what. And Melody could never give up her children’s books, or Max. Joe couldn’t give up being a cop.
“It won’t work, Joe. It just won’t work. You’d end up hating me. Resenting me.” She put Max in his pink pet carrier, zipping the zipper. “Come on. Let’s go home.” But inside she wondered… What if she hadn’t stormed off the stage? What if she’d gone along with the marriage? Maybe sometimes you just had to dive in, because if you thought about something too long… If you thought about
