discuss.”
Clara nodded and walked over to where Caxton leaned against her car. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” she said.
“I wish it were that simple,” Caxton breathed.
Clara reached across the space between them and cradled Caxton’s chin in her hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze, then made herself scarce behind a tower of switching gears. She could probably still hear them but Arkeley didn’t seem to mind.
“I want to help you,” she told him. “I do.”
He walked toward her as if he hadn’t heard her at all. As if she hadn’t said anything. She immediately felt guilty. She felt the way she had felt as a child when her father would give her the silent treatment. She tried to push that feeling out of her gut but it was no use. She braced herself, almost expecting him to slap her.
“I will do anything you ask. Except I won’t go back down in that hole.”
He nodded and came even closer. Close enough to touch her. He didn’t.
“When I was down there he came swimming up to the surface, like he wanted to poke his nose out. Like he wanted to see his creation one last time. It was horrible. I felt the way he felt. I don’t think my body can tell the difference between my emotions and his. I—I’m so sorry, but I can’t help you like that.”
“Alright,” he said, a sigh coming out of him.
“No, no, it’s not alright,” she said, and she felt herself on the verge of breaking down. “Reyes spoke to me down there. He spoke right into my head. Maybe not with words but... but he was aware. Still alive in me, somehow.”
He nodded. “Okay. I kind of expected that his ghost would plague you.”
“You expected—you knew—how can you know? How can you know anything about what I’m going through?”
“I know,” Arkeley told her.
“How?” Caxton said, squinting at him. “How do you know that?”
He picked up a stone and threw it hard at a transformer fifteen feet away. The metal box clanged accusingly. It was so sudden and so unexpected that it made Caxton jump a little.
“Piter Byron Lares dragged me down into his hiding place and stuck me there with a little hypnosis. He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t take my weapon away. And he never spoke a word to me.”
Caxton thought back to when she’d read his report. She’d read about how violent and uncaring Lares had been, tearing apart an entire SWAT team, and she’d been more than a little surprised when the vampire had taken the Fed down through the river and onto his boat, still in one piece. But there had been an explanation. “He was saving you as a midnight snack,” she said.
“No he wasn’t.” Arkeley leaned on the car next to her and folded his arms.
“You can’t be saying—”
“He had only started the process with me when I killed him. He didn’t get anywhere near as far as Reyes got with you. I didn’t even know I was being raped by that pale son of a bitch. But a part of him broke off in my head, just like a part of Reyes got stuck in yours. Not so much that I could feel him in there, no. Just enough that every once in a while, maybe twice a year, I dream of blood.”
“You don’t need to—”
Arkeley turned to stare at her. “It tastes like copper pennies on your tongue. It’s hot, hotter than you expect, and very wet at first, but it clots even as it fills your mouth. It sticks in your throat but you swallow it down, you can feel it stringy and dark in the back of your throat but you force it down so you can have some more, another mouthful, and another. I know it so well now. The dryness of it, the clots in your teeth. The need.”
She had to look away. Because it didn’t sound as disgusting as he made it out to be. It sounded almost… tempting. She couldn’t stand for him to see the naked desire she knew was lighting up her face.
“He remembers the taste. He’s been dead so long there’s nothing else left of him, just the longing for that taste. And it’s never going to go away. If I killed myself today I don’t know if I would come back as a vampire or not.”
“But you know I would,” she said. “You know that I’m already one of them, whether I like it or not. And there’s no way back.”
“That I don’t know at all. I’m truly hoping the Polders know a way to exorcize this curse from you, Laura. The first step, though, has to be that we kill Scapegrace and Malvern. So nobody else has to share our dreams. So I want you to go back down that hole and look at those bodies again and tell me what his next step was going to be.”
He adjusted his weight with a grunt and was standing in front of her. He held out his hand to her but she wouldn’t take it.
“No,” she told him.
“I beg your pardon?” he asked.
“No. I won’t go back down there. I don’t know how to get rid of this curse but I know if I go down there it’ll just make things worse. You find something else for me to do, some way to help you, and I will play along. But not if it means going down into that chamber of horrors again. Ever.”
46.
“Christ, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet and look at this,” Caxton exclaimed, gesturing up at the air above their heads. It was winter outside the car. Big white flakes of snow were coming down, swirling in the wake of the car, gathering on the sills of the windows. The sky had turned a watery gray shot through with vaporous reefs of cloud. The road surface darkened and glistened with frost and Clara had to slow down to keep her little car on the road. In the back seat Caxton couldn’t seem to get warm. Clara turned the heat up for her but it wasn’t enough. She clutched herself, her arms close so they wouldn’t touch the cold glass of the window, and shivered. She was one of them. She was some kind of vampire in training. She thought of the cold feeling she’d gotten from the vampires— especially from Malvern, when she’d stood next to the dried up monster in her wheelchair.
She needed to get away from death and horror for a while. She needed to go home and be with the dogs and not think about anything for a long time. She had a couple of stops to make before that, however.
They dropped Arkeley off at the police station, where he’d left his car. Caxton had to climb out of the back to take his seat, so she could sit up front with Clara nearer to the heater. Her arms folded across her chest she tried to make eye contact with the Fed but he didn’t look back, just swaggered over to his car and clambered inside.
Caxton threw herself back into the Volkswagen and yanked her door closed. The cold was sending her into convulsions, her body trembling violently, her teeth snapping at each other, chattering so loudly she could hardly hear Clara ask if she was okay.
“I know it’s a stupid question,” Clara said when Caxton hadn’t answered. The smaller woman looked straight forward through the windshield. The wiper blades swung back and forth, a pendulum marking the time they just sat there. Caxton wondered if maybe the heater only worked when they were in motion.
“Listen,” Clara finally said. “Why don’t you come home with me tonight?”
Caxton shook her head. Her whole body shook so she reiterated in words, “You know I can’t do that.”
“No, not like that, we wouldn’t sleep together. I mean, you could sleep in my bed. With me, because I don’t have a guest room or even a real couch. But we would keep our clothes on. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone tonight.”
“You have no idea how alone I am right now,” Caxton said. It sounded bitter and she instantly wanted to apologize. She opened her mouth to do just that but the look on Clara’s face stopped her in her tracks. The hurt there was too guarded—if Caxton acknowledged what had just happened, it would only hurt Clara more.
Clara started up the car and got them on the highway headed west, toward Harrisburg. Caxton needed to see Deanna before she did anything else. She needed to hold Dee’s hand and figure out what her next step was.
They turned the radio on and drove in silence. Caxton watched the snow get thicker the farther they went and wished they could just magically be there. She was sure it would be warmer in the hospital. When they arrived, however, outside of Seidle Hospital, there was no parking available and they had to circle for blocks before they found a spot.
