Sarah opened her purse and showed Josh the fat wad of hundreds.
“Well, I made enough for both of us.”
“That’s beautiful. I guess that pays for the Sig Sauer.”
“And the alarm system!” Sarah beamed.
“And a few drinks at the martini bar?”
“Oh, definitely.”
Sarah was smiling from ear to ear. It was the happiest she’d been in days and after a few drinks she was going to feel a whole lot happier.
Josh ordered something called a macho martini, which contained Red Bull. Sarah sat next to him on a plush blue velvet couch sipping a pomegranate martini. There was a band playing jazz versions of R&B songs. Sarah sat back and relaxed to a slow sax-driven cover of Smokey Robinson’s “Tears of a Clown,” letting the music and alcohol slowly take her away. She could feel her muscles unwinding, the tendons in her neck and shoulders unknotting, all of her tension and fear slipping away. Even when the saxophonist attempted a sloppy, amateurish cover of a Miles Davis tune and then an even worse John Coltrane cover, it didn’t bother Sarah at all.
“He should be shot for that,” Josh whispered.
“Shhhh,” Sarah replied with her eyes still closed. She threaded her arm through Josh’s and pulled him close, snuggling up against him.
Sarah ordered a watermelon martini and then a sour apple martini and then something called a love martini, which had strawberries cut into the shape of hearts. Josh was still sipping his first martini when Sarah gulped down her fourth and began nibbling on the strawberries at the bottom of the glass.
“I guess you needed that, huh?”
Josh kissed her on the neck and his warm breath traveled up behind her ear sending a pleasant tingle down her spine. Sarah giggled, then turned and kissed him, tasting the bizarre combination of vodka, vermouth, and Red Bull on his tongue. It really wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She scooped a strawberry out of her glass and slid it into his mouth. She was going through all the motions, just as she normally would, but she felt none of the usual stirrings, none of the usual desire. She felt the love for her husband. But instead of wanting to break bedsprings, all she wanted was to be held and kissed and told how beautiful she was. She wondered if she was becoming like all the other wives whose sex drives were murdered by those two magical words: I do. Only hers was destroyed by a knife and an oily little uncircumcised penis. She shook the memory from her mind and hugged Josh tighter. She was enjoying herself too much to let those disturbing images invade her mind and ruin her night.
“You hungry?”
Sarah tried to remember when she had eaten last. It had been ice cream and cake back in the room hours ago.
“I certainly am.”
“They have the best chicken fingers ever here.”
“Chicken fingers? Are you serious?”
“Trust me. They use strips of fresh chicken, not processed, so it isn’t dry and rubbery. Then they roll them in Cap’n Crunch, fry ’em up, and cover them in hot buffalo sauce. They taste amazing.”
Sarah was still frowning.
“Okay, I’ll try it.”
“You will not be disappointed.”
Sarah ordered another martini while Josh ordered the fingers. She knew she had already had too many. She was afraid of what would happen if she stood. She didn’t think her legs would hold her. Luckily, Josh could easily carry her if it came to that. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
The band was breaking down and a new band began setting up. They made the transition in minutes and the next band was playing by the time the chicken fingers arrived. They were a Prince cover band and when they started off their set with a really good version of Prince’s classic “Sexy Motherfucker,” Sarah attempted to drag Josh out onto the dance floor. She had been in middle school the last time she’d heard the song. Back then she’d considered Prince the sexiest man on earth.
The lead singer of the cover band could have been Prince’s twin. Except for the fact that it was a woman, which Sarah would have never guessed if Josh hadn’t told her. The Princess drew her mustache on with eyeliner. She had all of Prince’s moves and sounded exactly like him, easily imitating His Royal Badness’s earsplitting falsetto on the high notes.
Josh was not a dancer, however, and he did all he could to resist her efforts to make him shake his groove thang. His strategy was brilliant. He shoved a chicken finger into Sarah’s mouth. She was just about to protest when she tasted it. It was tender and juicy. Josh was right. This wasn’t the usual processed meat. This tasted as if it was fresh off the bone and the sauce was amazing, hot and sweet. The sweet was obviously from the Cap’n Crunch. It was a combination that worked amazingly well.
“Oh, my God. That is incredible!”
“I told you so.”
Content now to simply listen to the band while she licked buffalo sauce off her fingers, Sarah picked up another chicken finger and slowly tore it apart, savoring each moist, delicious bite. The band switched to “Baby I’m A Star!” and were only halfway through the next song, “Erotic City,” when she cleaned her plate, shoveling the last piece into her mouth as if it were her last meal on earth. Then she turned to look at Josh’s plate. There was just one more piece on his as well.
“If you loved me you’d share.”
Sarah batted her eyelashes at him and stuck out her bottom lip in the most adorable pout she could manage.
“Uh, uh. No way. You already ate all of yours.”
“Pleeeeeease?”
She looked too adorable to resist. Josh ripped the last chicken finger in half, gobbling up his half and feeding the other half to her.
“See, I knew you loved me.”
“I’m just a sucker for a pretty face.”
“Awww. He thinks I’m pretty. He wants to kiss me.” She teased in a mocking singsong voice. She puckered up and gave him a big, wet, sloppy, drunken, clumsy, sexy kiss that almost knocked both of them off the couch and onto the floor. They began to laugh uncontrollably.
“You ready to dance now, sexy man?”
Josh turned up the last of his macho martini, emptying the glass in a few quick gulps. He stood up from the couch, bowing slightly and holding out his hand for her.
“Fuck it. Let’s dance.”
Luckily for Josh, the band had just slowed things down. Lucky for Sarah too since the martinis had taken away a great deal of her motor coordination and just walking to the dance floor was a challenge. She had to lean on Josh for support, enduring his frown of disapproval. He hated to see her this drunk but he was giving her a pass because of all the stress he knew she was under.
The band began playing “The Beautiful Ones” as Josh wrapped his big, meaty arms around her and began to sway. They danced through a long drawn-out version of “Purple Rain” that began with the entire instrumental version before beginning the song. By that time enough of the alcohol had worn off that Sarah felt a bit more confident with trying to dance. When the band began playing “Diamonds and Pearls,” Sarah twirled on the dance floor like a ballerina and then, taking Josh’s hand, she guided him through an awkward drunken waltz that left them both giggling hysterically and took away enough of Josh’s inhibitions that he stayed on the dance floor, working up a sweat as they danced their way through “Kiss” and “Get Off.” They were both exhausted when they finally left the dance floor and returned to their couch. They even received a smattering of applause from some of the other bar patrons.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about it…” Sarah began as they both got comfortable back on the velvet couch.
“Thinking about what?”
“What if, instead of an alarm system, we bought a dog?”
“A dog? I don’t think a little puppy is going to do much.”
